There is saying going around that explains why so many marriages aren’t working:
“Men marry women and expect them to stay the same. Women marry men and expect them to change.”
There may be truth to this. Perhaps because the basic biological nature of women is that of nurturing, women are more inclined to encourage progress and make improvements on persons they care about.
Women use this same instinct on just about everyone and everything, including family members and friends, careers, household decisions, etc.
There is nothing inherently wrong with this tendency. Except when it comes to a man.
When you’re with a man, curb your tendency to want to fix and improve him. Sure, if he asks for your input, give it to him. If he wants your influence, he will be influenced. Just don’t try to make him interested in you, fall in love, or commit.
Or be more romantic. Or x or y.
He is not something to work on like losing weight or growing a garden. He is his own person with his own ideas and preferences and interfering with them will only frustrate you more.
This doesn’t mean you should tolerate bad behavior. Non-interference doesn’t mean you hang on to someone who treats you badly. It means you let him know his behavior is unacceptable by your action: the action of letting him go.
A man makes his own choices and he alone is responsible for that. No matter how much you’re itching to do something, you are not responsible for his choice to avoid commitment, fail to show up, or not ask you out. Sure, if you did something to turn him off, you can shoulder the blame of losing his interest. But if you’ve done nothing but be reasonable and nice, then guess what, he has made his choice.
Meanwhile, there is a project waiting for you. It’s a lot more rewarding. It’s the YOU PROJECT.
You’re better off working on yourself because the rewards are guaranteed. You will enjoy all kinds of advantages and benefits, such as experiencing self-worth, recognizing what is healthy and unhealthy, being at ease and never desperate, and being able to let go without hesitation and confidently move on from a man who isn’t able to give you what you want. And, you will be able to graciously and happily accept good treatment, because it takes a healthy mindset to enjoy a healthy relationship.
And always keep doing the YOU PROJECT while you date. Men can come and go and even stay, but the YOU PROJECT is for keeps!
Don’t wait. Quit the Man Project and start on the You Project!
How do you respond to a friendly guy if he’s attractive?
It seems he likes you, enough to look at you, show warmth, and even affection. He hugs you when he sees you. He likes to hang out with you. He might even be texting you a lot and following you around in social media.
Is he just a friend? Is he a potential boyfriend? What in the world is he?
Friendly men are exactly that. FRIENDLY MEN. Is there the word “suitor” somewhere in there? No.
There won’t be even if you wish it so. You can dream all you want, but until this friendly man sets up a date and pays for it, he doesn’t see you in a romantic way.
It is very important that a guy regards you romantically if you want more. When a guy doesn’t see you as romantic material, he will not court you. He will text, hang out, text, hang out, text, ….. anything but court you.
Courtship is a sign that a man is NOT satisfied with friendship, and wants you as a romantic partner. It is also a sign that he wants to cherish you, which places you in a different category.
And a man who insists on waiting for a woman to ask him out, courting HIM, is a man who you can never be sure of and a man who requires you to do the work to earn his attention. There are many women willing to step up to be with such a man. It’s up to each woman to decide what she is willing to do to be in a relationship.
Just remember. If a man you’re attracted to is satisfied being your friend, move on.
There is a huge difference between dating someone and seeing someone.
The word “dating” is being thrown around a lot. It’s a trend to say someone is dating someone even if they are seeing each other without being on a date. People are only hanging out and sleeping together, but tell their friends they are dating.
This is the slippery slope that will get you nowhere except the Danger Zone I talk about in my EGuides.
To avoid deluding yourself, you need to call it what it is. If you’re just having sex with him, say that. If you’re going over to his house to hang out, say that. If all he does is text you, say that. If he took you out once and stopped, say that.
Get the Prize Catch Dictionary so you know your dating terminology and stay realistic about what he is or isn’t doing.
Check your reality here:
1. If you’re seeing a guy, is it on a date he’s planned in advance?
2. When you’re with a guy, who planned it?
3. When you two eat together, who planned it? Where did you eat?
4. When you sleep with a guy, did he make you exclusive first?
5. When you text back and forth, is it about a date he’s discussing with you? An engagement? A marriage proposal?
6. Or is it chitchat that just deprives you of your beauty sleep and strokes his ego?
When you’re just being with a guy, hanging out, or sleeping with him — you are not dating him. Only use the word “date” when he is making plans with you and following through.
Don’t deceive yourself to say you’re dating someone when there is no date to begin with.
And if a guy is dating you forever, never making you exclusive, then no, he is not your boyfriend. He is just a date. He isn’t even a suitor, because a man is a suitor to begin with in order to win your hand in marriage. A man doesn’t become your suitor just to keep you on permanent hold.
Be unflinchingly honest about what is happening. Then and only then will the right guy step up, and you will save valuable time and avoid unnecessary heartache.