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Why should women let men do the pursuing?

July 31, 2012

WARNING: Beware this advice is only for women who want a committed, healthy, loving, long-term relationship.

THE MALE-FEMALE DYNAMIC

This dynamic has not changed just because we are in the 21st century.

Because the nature of a man is the chaser and the woman is to be chased.

This dynamic assumes males behave a certain way and females another way in order for there to be success.

Every man engages in his own way of pursuit that may differ from others, but a SUITOR is unmistakably a suitor.

This guide is for the purpose of protecting you, the woman, from wasting years of your life and emotional pain.

This guide shows you how to honor the feminine in you and the masculine in him.

TRUE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT MEN

Men enjoy a challenge.

It doesn’t matter if he’s a jock or a geek, on the sports field or in a tech lab.

They’re chasing a ball or chasing a computer virus.

They like to compete and win.

Hunters only chase things that are beyond their grasp.

They have the hope of snagging it, but they know they have to work hard to, hence the excitement, adrenaline, and the HIGH LEVEL OF INTEREST.

Hunters do not chase a dead rabbit.

They chase a moving target, often running away from them.

The more the man has to chase something, the more fun he has, and the more value it has in his eyes.

The less a man has to chase something, the less fun he has, and the less value it has in his eyes.

Men prize the very thing they are chasing.

Men love the thrill of the chase.

Men FALL IN LOVE during the chase.

No matter how shy or scared a man is, if he is interested enough, he will chase you.

Little boys love chasing things. Men love it too.

TRUE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT WOMEN

Every woman who values herself wants to be desired and cherished.

Women love the thrill of being sought after.

They gain respect for a man who, despite his fears and doubts, musters the courage to step forward and risk rejection just to win her heart.

Stepping up is the test a man must overcome to prove he is a viable SUITOR.

On the other hand, women who do all the work to make a relationship happen end up being bitter, angry, and resentful.

Don’t be that woman.

Get the secret weapon in dating and relationships when you Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

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134 Comments
  1. John permalink

    Yes please let us chase you. It’s annoying when you chase us. Actually, you’re annoying all the time. But at least if we’re the designated “chasers”, we can decide whether or not to do it at all.

    • Ginger Snap permalink

      Perhaps some women do not liked to be “chased” because it is more like being hunted down like a wild animal so you can have your way (which might be quite enjoyable if lucky enough and the chemistry is good). I’m sure some women are annoying all the time. Some men are annoying too!

  2. NinaNina permalink

    Hello. Hope you still remember me. I’d like to share this one.

    18 days after he took my fon number (yes 18 days lols), after I’ve forgotten all about him, he texted me last night lol (the first text). I got home late from work, just stepped out of the bathroom (I heard the sound of the text message came in), so I took my fon and I saw his texted.

    when I read the text box (written his name), and then I read the message (he asked me how I’m doing), I was like,”hey, he knows how to text actually.” 😀

    the day he took my fon number, he missed called me (because he wants me to save them onto my fon), then I went home. He also just asked me on the spot to go watch movies with him. But, I turned it down because I couldnt just say yes on the spot — helloooo… U have to ask me out a few days earlier pls : ) . I said, I needed to go to this one place and I couldnt go to the movies with him. He even bough me a can of drinks. He was being really sweet with me (but only texted me after 18 days lols)

    Then, no texts. nothing.

    And after I’ve been following your advice, working on conditioning myself with prize catch behaviour, I never feel the need or wondering if he will ever texts me. In fact, my life is so fulfilling. Keeping men on the sideline (dont chase them) gives you huge benefits! And keeping yourself interesting and positive is even bigger benefits!

    I have not responded to his text yet, maybe tonight, tomorrow or day after tomorrow. It’s just a text. he’s just a man – not a world cup trophy. I remember everything you say : ) but I really respect the way he treated me and whats written on the text. he mentioned that, “sorry if I bother you”. OMG he even afraid that I’ve been disturbed by his message : )

    note:
    he really treats me well on the day we met. he works at the place that I went to for a few days (to settle a job), he paid the lunch. we went for the lunch because the place was closed during lunch and he just came and take me to have lunch with him. I take it just as a friendly-business gesture. he’s kind of sweet in my opinion. It’s a nice feeling when we (the women) know how to receive well (good treatment from the man) and know how to just let the nature takes care of everything (let the relationship (if there is ever) unfold naturally).

    whatever it is, 18 days is noteworthy : )

    whatever it is, I just have to stay grounded on reality.

    Thanks to The One.

    • NinaNina,

      Of course I remember you. How can I forget?!

      You’re sticking to the program and doing well, not giving in to a last minute movie. There are plenty of men out there who know they must ask you out in advance. Would they call up the President and ask to meet him last minute? No.

      He also didn’t make another attempt after you turned him down by saying, “No problem. How about tomorrow? Next week?” This shows he doesn’t want to see you that badly. If he were trying to see a boss to secure an interview, he wouldn’t give up right away. He would try to find out when the boss was free to see him. He should do the same with you, and he definitely could have, but he didn’t.

      Men ALWAYS have a good reason when they stop short of securing a date with you. ALWAYS.

      Stay grounded, NinaNina, you’re doing great.

      • NinaNina permalink

        : ) Yes. Good analogy.

        I met other men too. And it’s so much fun when we now know how to handle these creatures (men). Filter them. It’s either they work their ass off to get to know me so that I can grant them my time or I’ll be busy with my life.

        Thank God I found One Truth.

  3. Jordan permalink

    Alpha lays, Beta pays

    The beta is the sucker.

    Don’t be the beta.

  4. GuyFawkesMask permalink

    This is a terrible way to frame this. This same advice is given to men. It’s about effort an energy more than any dumb “chase” metaphor. Humans, by nature, have an affinity for things they put effort into. This means that the person putting less into a relationship essentially has an “advantage” because their partner is putting more energy into maintaining it and therefore becomes invested in the relationship.

    When people throw around the terms “man” and “woman” they tend to forget that they’re both human long before they’re either of those and are far more similar than dissimilar. Let’s not forget that relationships work both ways, too. Metaphors like this try to emphasize differences and lose these key notions.

    It’s perfectly fine for a woman to initiate this little song and dance. All it means is she’s gotta play her hand more like how men are told to early on.

    • Guy,

      You’re talking about what you’d LIKE to see — an ideal situation where humans are similar enough that differences gender creates become unremarkable. While I agree that might be nice and much easier for everyone involved, it isn’t what IS. I advise based not on imaginary lofty ideals or goals humanity strives towards, but on present-day hardcore reality and its bitter truths.

      Whether the truth is palatable enough for a person is his or her job to assess, and not my job to water down.

      Please keep in mind that women by nature are much more invested emotionally in social bonding and relationships than men are — perhaps a generalization — but true for most women nonetheless. Therefore, if a woman took the same actions men naturally take when it comes to romance and dating, she would find herself a lot worse off EMOTIONALLY than a man would, simply because she identifies herself through relationships more than her male counterpart. And with that, the risks for her would be higher.

      • Anna permalink

        I totally agree with OneTruth.
        I have once made out with a guy, ONLY made out, with full clothes on, at the end he came while I didn’t, still I am the one who’s still thinking about him sometimes after 5 months. He only wrote me once since then. :/
        It’s true that women get more emotionally attached just by making out, or kissing, you don’t even have to have sex.
        (Maybe it’s due to the fact that I wouldn’t even make out with anyone if I didn’t have any feelings already? I don’t know.)

      • yea I agree with you OneTruth

    • Ginger Snap permalink

      It means she is interested enough to try. Otherwise, the guy may never even look her way.

  5. Anonymous permalink

    From a mans perspective i do not agree with the chasing part. At least for me and most of my friends when we have to chase a girl we lose all interest in her, and feel like it’s a waste of time. Then just move on to the next one. Another thing, if we call and you don’t answer. We may call maybe 5 more times, and if you don’t answer don’t expect us to call you again or say we don’t care.

    • Mina permalink

      I think the men who don’t agree with this website are using the word “chase” too literally. A woman who is interested in you won’t let you call 5 times with no reply. She probably has a boyfriend or is just looking to pump up her ego. You should stop calling at that point. This is not about playing hard to get, it’s about letting men initiate so you don’t get caught up on some dude who is a user, player, or just not serious.

      Are you asking her out when you call? Also, perhaps you should stop “chasing” uninterested women. If all you do is talk about yourself when you call and you are not asking us out on a date or trying to get to know us better, we will usually stop answering.

      Seriously, men. Dating is not hard. If you meet a nice girl who you are attracted to, ask her out like a man should. Say something like, “Hey, I’d really like to get to know you better. Can I buy you a drink or coffee sometime this week?” Don’t have hour long conversations that lead to nowhere if you want her to take you seriously. If she is interested, she will say yes. If she is NOT a nice girl she will play games like ignore your calls five times and flake on you. That’s all there is to it. A nice girl will appreciate you being a gentleman and will show appreciation in little ways – like thanking you and looking fab when you show up.

      The “chasing” part really just refers to who is initiating things. We women have too much to lose by initiating, and BELIEVE ME, you men have no problem taking from women who initiate. We are the ones who end up with deep feelings (and sometimes babies) for a guy who just looked out for himself and TOOK AND TOOK AND TOOK from an initiating woman. By letting the man initiate, there’s less uncertainty on the woman’s part about his intentions. Unless you let him come to you, how else are you supposed to know he didn’t just take advantage of the piece of ass you put on the table for him?

      Once you are in an established relationship, it’s a bit different. By that time, the woman knows the man is truly interested, and the man has a feeling of winning a valuable woman – because she didn’t just throw herself at him. You value what you have to work for. 🙂

  6. Anonymous permalink

    Is it possible for a man to chase you again once you’ve been together, broken up and become close friends?

  7. Dear The One
    I love reading your blog and I certainly subscribe to your idea of letting men do the chasing. Lately I have been wondering about something. If the courtship is male led, then doesn’t that set up the power dynamic in favor of the man? He becomes the leader and the woman the follower in a sense. So if a woman wants a more equal partnership then won’t letting the man take initiative backfire on her? What are your views on this? In addition to letting men do the chasing, do you subscribe to a more traditional relationship where the man is the head of the household or the man leads the main decision-maker/bread winner etc? For women who would rather be the leader in the relationship or those who want a equal relationship, does this model work just as well? If the man is leading from the beginning, it seems to me that it will be difficult for the woman to take the reins later on in the relationship. In my personal experience, I have noticed that men who lead the courtship also like to lead in the relationship and pretty much everything else and tend to be on the bossy/dominating side. They might be nice, caring etc. but they consider the woman as second in command. That is why I am so confused. I would like to have a man chase me but prefer an egalitarian relationship where I have equal power in the relationship, decisions are made jointly and each person contributes equally to the partnership but in different ways, depending on their strengths and preferences. Is that possible? If I want a more equal relationship, can I still let a man chase me and then expect him to concede later on? Is that realistic? Can we really have it both ways, then?

    Here is a write up on Psychology Today by a social psychologist who says that women who want to be leaders or be equal in a relationship should not let a man chase them. What do you have to say about this?
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201205/who-should-ask-and-pay-date

  8. Ashley permalink

    Hello,
    I’m frustrated because the kind of guys I would like are not pursuing me. I see them walking around with other women and I wonder how can I get a guy like that? What do I need to do differently? Meanwhile, the guys showing interest in me are no where near my type. How do I get the guys I really want to realize I’m a prize?

    • Ashley,

      Welcome to the blog!

      Yes, it can be very frustrating to see women not being a PRIZE and get boyfriends. But are they being cherished? Are they frustrated like you — not about having no man — but about not being loved and prized?

      For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

  9. Doc Love who sells “The System” has advice for how to chase women and obtain a long-term loving relationship. There are a lot of men who have tried his system and swear by it!

  10. Petiteteé permalink

    First of all, please don’t mind my grammar, English is not my mother language. Now I would like to tell you I love everything about this blog and you. I wish I have discovered this way earlier. Well, I’m like one of those girls who used to chase guys and lost myself. Those taught years went by, I grew much older and wiser. And now I’m in the dating circle again! This time, I wanna be on top of the game. Here’s the story of mine, I’ve been seeing this guy who seemed to know how to play this game well. Good thing I’ve never initiated. I only let him take me out on a date. Anyways, there’re a few things I’ve done wrong after reading your blog. First, I didn’t let him pick me up on the first date. I don’t know how this will result or matter in the long run. Second, he kissed me on that first date. I didn’t want to let that happen easily but he trigged me. And, I spent too much time of a few dates with him because he refused to drop me back so soon. All these don’t make me believe he’s that interested even though he plans our dates at least once a week. He shows his feelings. He tells me he’s so interested. He treats me like I’m a princess. But, he’s never ever actually called me. Most of our dates were never on Friday nights or Saturday nights. When we’re together, kissing becomes his favorite thing. He always does even when I say no! Seems like he doesn’t listen. I’m much smaller so when he holds my arms, I can’t fight back. At some point, this is very cute to me but at a different angle, I see him taking advantage. So far we’ve never had sex. My question to you is how do I make my words powerful to him? Like when I say no he would stop. How do I protect myself from not falling for this man? He has everything I’m looking for but I don’t know how many more girls he’s doing the same exact things for. And can I still flip this game over and put myself as a prize catch or it’s too late? I wanna play this better and smarter so I don’t get myself hurt. 
    Thank you, 

    • Welcome to the blog and glad you’re reading and learning to be a Prize Catch now, not a minute later!

      You said he never calls you. How then does he ask you out in advance? Does he stop by your house and ask you out or just assumes you’re available when he comes over? Or perhaps he sees you at school or work and asks you out there?

      If your dates are not on Friday or Saturday nights, then you need to stop seeing him UNLESS the date is on a Friday or Saturday night. Allow me to explain exactly how you do that, including how to maintain safe boundaries with him despite your small stature.

      There’s lots more to elaborate on regarding your situation. Sign up at Get In-Depth Advice Now via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

      • Petiteteé permalink

        The One,

        Thank you so much for replying me back. This helps me a lot. Well, we have been texting to set up our dates only, no other topics. Yet, it’s never happened on Friday or Saturday night. Anyhow, there’s another date coming up this Sunday. He claimed this place has nice champagne brunch on Sunday. Should I turn this down?

        Thank you again.

        • You sound like you really want to keep him and don’t wish to risk losing him for any reason.

          I can offer you plenty of suggestions as to what to do and say. Please sign up at Get In-Depth Advice Now.

          Hope to assist you!

  11. Halobaba permalink

    Ok what is the question!?!?!
    Not very clear here.

    But I can tell you that you NEED to chase her. Show her that you’re a MAN!! And it doesn’t just stop in getting her to commit to a date, it’s the way you’re carrying yourself. Confidence and assurance! If you really pull this off you can be spotted a mile off from everyone else. And what really every woman wants and I’m sure yours in particular, is that you are a confidant charismatic man who is self assured that he can get any girl but you want HER!!! And you’ll do whatever it takes to get her.
    Women melt for this!
    Don’t take no for an answer and any obstacles she throws your way, take it as a tease! To see whether you scan stand up to the mark.
    Women also want to see that you mean it with your behaviour and communication.
    So be sincere (always) and charm her like a gentleman! Not like a player!
    Communication is key so don’t give up if she doesn’t seem to come back flooding with emotion after one text of a phone call.
    And lastly, take care of her! In any way you feel. Let your instincts cone through.

    Good luck

    Ps, but if she definitely tells you outright she’s NOT interested than stop there. Don’t push it. 😉

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