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Roles for men and women in dating

July 30, 2013

HIS JOB

  1. His job is to scan the field, online or offline.
  2. His job is to target a woman.
  3. His job is to approach her.
  4. His job is to ask her for her phone number.
  5. His job is to call her.
  6. His job is to ask her out on a date.
  7. His job is to pay for the date.
  8. His job is to plan another date to see her again.

HER JOB

  1. Her job is to be the PRIZE.
  2. Her job is to be her best self.
  3. Her job is to have a life of her own.
  4. Her job is to return his phone calls, if necessary.
  5. Her job is to say yes or no to a date.

She has less to do because her life can’t be about fretting over a man and having sleepless nights wondering where he is.

She sleeps like a princess and takes care of her mind, body, and soul.

If the phone rings, it rings. If it doesn’t, she’s too busy to notice.

It is up to the woman to feel worthy and deserving. No man can give that to her.

It is up to the man to decide if she is worth pursuing. No woman can force him to pursue her.

KNOW YOUR ROLE.

Get the secret weapon in dating and relationships when you Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

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43 Comments
  1. Nellie permalink

    I’ve been using these techniques, and I must say, they DO work. I had reached my wits end when it came to dating so I put up an ad on a dating site a couple months ago. It’s easy to filter out the time wasters when you keep these ideas from this website in your head. The cream will float to the top and you eventually learn how to spot time wasters from far away. It’s also amazing how many men just want to hang out with you and not actually date you. I stuck it out and waited for suitor material to show up on the website. It did! He asked for my number, asked for a date, treated me like a lady on the date, paid for the date and behaved like a gentleman. After that first date I could tell he was very impressed. It’s been a few weeks now and I have remained in my prize catch vibe, while treating him with appreciation for all the stuff he has done for me, which is a lot! He has shown up with flowers, taken me out to nice restaurants, took me to his office christmas party, we’ve gone sightseeing, he even drove across town to bring starbucks to my office when I had a chai latte craving, AND he sent me an edible arrangement to my work with chocolate covered strawberries on my birthday! oh yeah my coffeemaker went out recently too, and guess what I got for christmas? A fancy new coffeemaker. lol. I haven’t even slept with him.

    SO let this example prove that there are men out there like this who are just waiting for a catch to come along. I really think manly men want women to just be receptive and appreciative and fun to be around.

    • NinaNina permalink

      *thumbs up

    • carpe diem permalink

      Very good story Nellie! Way to be confident and setting your standards high where they should be 🙂

    • Nellie,

      Wow, I’m so thrilled for you. Your Prize Catch ways made him he feel empowered as a man. You made his job of pleasing you easy!

      He was impressed because YOU were Prize Catch material so he could perform his role as a suitor.

      Thank you for sharing your success story!

  2. Jordan permalink

    So the woman does nothing, while the guy does everything?

    No self respecting man will put up with this crap.

  3. NinaNina permalink

    I like your tweet and all your tweets! if there’s a like button on this blog 😀

    Being pretty is not enough.
    Being popular is not enough.
    Being smart is not enough.

    What is enough?
    Being a Prize Catch.

    *damn* lols

    • NinaNina,

      Glad you like it. Check out my other “tweet” about men in my reply to Kishmisherie!

      • NinaNina permalink

        I like that “tweet” too. You’re the best! 😀

        Handsome is not enough.
        Rich is not enough.
        Popular with women is not enough.
        Even marrying you is not enough.

        What is enough?
        Being able to cherish you and you ONLY.

        Simple as that. Otherwise, I’ll be busy cherishing myself/my life 😀

  4. Anne permalink

    Dear One Truth

    In case deep down I feel that I am not interested in the guy and don’t want to get involved with him but he asks me out on a date, should I accept it and also let him pay for it?

    I mean, if I know deep down that I don’t want anything from him, isn’t it considered as ‘using’ him (his money) that I let him pay my part?

    I am a beginner in dating, that’s why I ask, because I would feel bad letting a guy pay for my part when I know don’t want anything from him. My parents have always taught me letting someone pay means ‘owing’ them, which is true I think. That’s why I am confused. Are men not thinking that I am owing them because they pay?

    Thanks

    • Anne permalink

      For example owing them another date or anything, not just in materialistic terms…

      • Anne permalink

        Also, it would be very helpful if you had a post on how to turn down a guy nicely politely if he asked you out on a date.

        Or should you ever turn down a guy who has stood up to ask for a date? 🙂

        • Anne,

          Just say, “I’m sorry but I’m really busy.” Now if he persists, say, “I just don’t think this is going to work for me. I wish you well.”

    • Anne,

      You don’t owe a suitor anything but to enjoy yourself in his company and a warm thank you. You can view the date as a social opportunity to have a nice time. A date doesn’t mean becoming his girlfriend. If anything, it’s a chance to practice being a Prize Catch Date, so you don’t want to get rusty at dating.

      If you think you owe him something just because he pays (whether you’re interested in him or not), then you should get familiar and comfortable with the idea of being courted. A Prize Catch welcomes courtship — she feels worthy of it.

      Go out with him for the first time just for fun. If it reconfirms your lack of interest in him, you decline going out with him again. Who knows, he may not even ask you out again, so don’t presume. Some guys just want some company on Friday night and aren’t thinking further than that.

      However, if you strongly feel you’d be using him if you go out even once, then you should stick to your convictions and graciously turn him down. Save him money and time.

      For a lot more detailed information specific to your situation, I recommend you to get your secret weapon in dating and relationships when you Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to help you further!

  5. Gingerlily permalink

    Excellent article this is genius ! Thank you !

  6. Sybil permalink

    First of all, TM, that’s already a girlfriend. I do not know what that man has done to deserve that beautiful gift, but he certainly did. Good on him! These are all good and true if a person already loves, or at least wants to be in the life of the other person (obviously “Love” might be too big of a word during early courtship, for both men and women).

    I laughed because you said:

    “I think women need to realise that a man has to do exactly nothing for them. Every single bit of love, bit of commitment, bit of trust, must be earned.”

    To me this kind of sounds like she should earn every single bit of his love, commitment, and trust —– with him having to do exactly — nothing.

    I think a man’s love and a woman’s love is different. While both want to feel loved, a man usually wants to be the one to offer help, to protect, to provide. This is why, more often than not, spanning from western to eastern cultures, old-fashioned courtship begins with a man stepping up to impress the woman he wants to marry.

    Obviously this doesn’t mean he has to buy her a house and start giving her his paycheck, instead this is shown bit by bit, to give her an idea of what he’s willing to do. A little message that says “And that’s just the beginning.”

  7. Sybil permalink

    Every single bit of love, bit of commitment, bit of trust, must be earned. — Why don’t I bring flowers while I’m at it, hahaha ^^

    • Why is that funny? You think you’re too good to give a man flowers?

      • Obviously I’d recommend you don’t do it too often and probably not flowers.

        But I can tell you it is definitely something men look for – the little gifts and acts of kindness from a woman for others and himself. A girlfriend of a friend of mine got her guy early on in their dating an engraved bracelet with his name on it. For any human being that cares about being loved, that’s special.

        How do you think you come across by comparison, when you ridicule the very thought of your having to care?

  8. It’s not about ‘being triggered’. Fact is, whether you advise it or not modern girls are generally anything BUT ‘sweet, friendly, and gracious’. Advice like this is only going to feed their shallow, selfish selves and entitlement complex.

    You want to help women find the right man and get better outcomes in dating? Say it straight – it’s not so much letting men chase and being a ‘prize’ as if you were some bloody princess as it is about developing character and being a pleasant, decent human being that is kind to everyone, man or woman.

    Modern girls don’t have a dating strategy problem, they have a character problem. They are constantly excused from their poor behaviour and intentions and fail to develop decent character, which makes them eminently unattractive and unsuitable for anything but ‘pump and dump’. Go and have a look at how these harlots behave on shows like “The Bachelor (Australia)” while they chase around a supposedly reformed topless entertainer turned chiropractor to see why modern women have a ‘dating problem’.

    You want to find the right man ladies? Start by being the right woman and a fully principled human being, one ruled by a desire to do good, not a desire to be done good. The rest will come all on its own.

    Now I’ll admit, men today are far from ideal too. But think about it – if men adopt the behaviour that works with women, and the behaviour that works is anything BUT principled behaviour, it only follows that if women choose poorly, the men they attract will be of poor quality. The difference is, most guys (not me, but most) are happy to simply sleep around with women of poor character, and be of poor character themselves until they feel like improving. Whereas so many women seem to hate how they are treated, and complain that there are ‘no more good men’. If we were all content to sleep around without consequence I doubt there’d be a blog like this.

    But there is. And it stems from the poor choices exercised by women, in their choice of men and in their self development. As long as smart, educated women constantly allow themselves to fall for bad men, there will be plenty of bad men. And as long as they overlook good men, there will be few good men.

    If you want a better partner, you have to start with yourself. Signal that you are a better woman. Signal that you do not choose bad men, no matter how much that gina tingles. If you can’t, don’t try and shift responsibility upon men as a whole, even ‘bad men’ – attractive men do not owe any girl they sleep with anything, least of all the supposed ‘jobs’ listed here. They don’t need to commit to you or date you or make you feel special. Nobody has to. Not unless YOU demand it from them, and YOU make it clear you will not choose someone who does not.

    This article makes it sound like men are failing to hold up their end of the bargain, or failing to perform some function, and women have a legitimate right to complain and sit around being a princess. How ludicrous. Men owe women nothing and if women let men of low moral fibre simply pump and dump them, that is what they will get. Because they demanded nothing more.

    As for getting ‘flashbacks’, I simply laugh. I am not a man of low moral fibre, nor do I ‘pump and dump’. I simply don’t allow myself to get entangled with people of poor character, and such a woman can be spotted a mile away. All I lament is how few people of real class there are today. Still, there are plenty of classy ladies still out there. Bet they don’t need this advice though.

    If you’re a woman reading this article, you need to realise that it is YOU who needs to SHAPE UP!

    • I should add that I am not saying a topless entertainer like Tim Robards is necessarily a bad person (though as far as I am aware, he is exactly the kind of man whore women should be wary of, and he dumped his long term gf in order to be able to do the self promoting show known as The Bachelor (Australia)). They just often are, because when have they ever needed to be more? When women and men pile themselves at the feet of basically strippers, demanding little to no character or commitment prior to ‘giving up the goods’, lack of character and commitment is EXACTLY what they will get.

      It works both ways, of course. When men hold women to low standards of character and commitment (generally because they are obsessed with looks), they get immoral women. When women hold men to low standards of character and commitment, they get immoral men.

      Having said that, you cannot help but think that on a show like The Bachelor (Australia), it is the supposedly ‘classy’ women that come of looking unprincipled, not the stripper-turned-chiropracter player Tim Robards. The antics pulled off by these sorry excuses for human beings are frankly disgusting – jealousy, deceit, lies, sabotage – the list goes on and on.

      And that’s basically my point here. I don’t think men have particularly changed or that there are ‘no more good men’ or that men need to anything differently, because they already seem pretty content with sleeping around with women when it suits them and settling when they find a good one.

      Rather, I think it is the women who have changed, who can no longer really appreciate a good man and who cannot control their own behaviour. That is why I think it is pointless to tell the ladies more self affirmative bleeding heart stuff about being a ‘prize’, remaining a ‘princess’ and what a man should do for them.

      Rather, I think women need to realise that a man has to do exactly nothing for them. Every single bit of love, bit of commitment, bit of trust, must be earned.

  9. What a load of self deluding bollocks.

    A woman’s job is FAR more than to just sit there looking indifferent. Or downright hostile. Show him some interest and love for god’s sake, in a subtle feminine way! Now obviously, men and women shouldnt overdo it, and pine all their hopes on one person. It doesnt have to work out. And he SHOULD work for it – dont give it up easy.

    But dont be an ice queen either. Believe it or not, men want love and recognition too. And what they generally want, apart from a quality woman, is to also know that she likes them too.

    Now I’m not saying you should make your interest obvious, but when you refuse it entirely, men are liable to simply end up feeling neglected and unwanted. And no, it doesnt mean theyll like you more. It likely means they wont bother, thinking youre just not into them, and youll end up wondering why. What ends up happening is that a possible perfectly good match is foregone because you were paranoid about getting hurt, or worse, projecting blame on all men for the harsh realities of dating.

    At the end of the day, its a numbers game and its hard to find compatibility. It takes time, effort and quite a few potentials. You cant blame men every time your hopes are dashed (unless of course you gave it up easy to a player, in which case yeah, blame him, but also learn to avoid him), because this happens to men all the time too. You have no idea how easily men fall in love (before sex most of the time) and have their hearts crushed. They are people like you. Treat them like a person you are interested to know more about, and if it isnt to be, it isnt to be.

    Youll probably get your hopes dashed more often like this. But youll also go through many more potential suitors, and zero in much more quickly on the promising ones. And most importantly, youll be free to love openly and that is absolutely necessary in any relationship – and because you had a part in picking the men (by batting a few eyelashes) instead of just hoping the ones you liked would approach you even in your ice queen demeanor, youre more likely to get a man you actually are attracted to which is so very important for the both of you.

    As an ice queen, youll protect your ego, sure. You wont be rejected much. But its the wrong thing to be worried about, and itll be self defeating because it will be crushed by the time wasted. And it will train you not to love and to deaden yourself to new prospects, which wont help you in the long run.

    This isnt what you want to hear. You want to hear that all the hotties will chase you, and want to settle down with you, if only you treat them like dogs. But youll only be approached by sleazedogs who will dump you after sleeping with you. Youll grow a taste for the wrong type of man. Youll feel powerful shooting down men with your ice queen stare, but theyll hurt you worse when they wont call back. Because what you will have built your relationships on will have been a man’s lust for you (which got him to approach you), rather than any mutual love between you (because who looks for love in an ice queen’s stare?). And that will hurt you in the long run.

    No pain, no gain. Even for women.

    • Dear T M,
      How should women show interest in a man? I’ve tried batting my eyelashes and I’m not sure if that is enough either. Do men actually pick up on “subtle feminine signals” that show love or interest? I don’t think so. Most are completely clueless and women have to provide a lot more ‘encouragement’ to get men to ask them out these days. This results in relationships where women are doing most of the work or even all the work. Also, if you are simply friendly and smile at men-even that doesn’t work because then they just see you as a friend or think you are friendly with everybody and therefore not interested in them specifically.
      Also, The One does not recommend being an ice queen. A Prize Catch is NOT an ice queen. She is a prize catch who is friendly and fun and knows her worth. Do not misunderstand the message here. I believe that men who want low hanging fruit or require too much encouragement are also at risk for getting the girls who are easy to get rather than girls who they actually like, girls who are worth getting and who would make excellent partners. People settle often and it is no surprise that so many relationships fall apart these days.
      The One also does not recommend being cold or unloving. The One says a Prize Catch does reciprocate (just not too much). Else, how will a suitor know she is interested? Why would a highly desirable suitor chase after a women who doesn’t want him? That just amounts to stalking. So, of course a Prize Catch must reciprocate through acts of love-showing appreciation etc. It doesn’t mean a Prize Catch has to do exactly what her suitor is doing for her-e.g. one dinner for every dinner he takes her out on. This is courtship, not a business deal. Women do a lot of different things for their men in relationships that men cannot fathom, understand or appreciate so courting a woman is the least a man can do.
      That said, if you really have suggestions on how women can show their interest subtly THAT ACTUALLY WORK, please let me know. I would really appreciate it. So would others here.
      Thanks!

    • Mina permalink

      TM – thanks for this perspective…gives me something to think about…seriously

    • moonbeam permalink

      Where is your rant coming from? If you’ve read through all the blogs on this website, The One writes that women should NOT be ice-queens. In fact, The One writes that when a woman is around a man she is interested in, it is very important that the woman be light-hearted, breezy, and playful. The One has stated many times that it is important that a woman show a man that she is happy to be around him, and content with life in general. I’ve re-read many of the posts on this website and there has been nothing written about being aloof or being an ice-queen. You are projecting a message that is not being said on this website, IMO.

  10. Renée permalink

    OK, it has only been 2 dates. One per week, so I am on the right track. Also, can you expound upon self appreciation? I tried googling it; however, I do not see how I do not strongly appreciate myself. Thanks!

    • Self-appreciation is just knowing you’re enough and there isn’t anything for you to do to prove your worth. That’s all!

  11. Renée permalink

    The One
    I am confused. I’ve been following your advice yet the guy I’ve been going on dates with questions my interest. I never call or text him. I only respond. When he calls I’m friendly and he sets up the date which I accept but I don’t communicate with him in between dates. He called Thursday to set up a date for Sunday. He told me he enjoys hearing my voice and let me know he’s never busy and wants me to call text or reach out. So do I continue responding or do I need to call and chat about nothing? I’ve enjoyed our dates and he’s fun to be around. By not reaching out doesn’t this convey apathy?
    Thanks in advance

  12. Question for The One:
    I’m definitely on the same wavelength with you regarding being the Prize. I’ve learned how to do this as a natural part of me, and it feels wonderful. With the holidays approaching, this also seems to simply that nail-biting issue – should a woman, or should she not, buy her new boyfriend a Christmas gift. I use to worry over this in the past, but I’m feeling pretty secure now the answer is no (or at least, if something is given, it should be very minor, perhaps holiday home cooking or the like) … even though my man is far and away the best one I’ve ever been with. Interested in your comment on the holiday gift issue.

  13. Rae permalink

    Love it!

  14. I love your blog!

  15. Anonymous permalink

    Oh my goodness, I wish I had access to your advice when I began dating. Sure would have spared me a lot of pain! thank you for helping us protect our hearts.

  16. Mary Cherry permalink

    Hey the One! I was at a party on Friday night and the guy I like was there and his best friend too. When he arrived to the party his best friend came to me privately and announced his arrival to me. I was like “Ok cool” but then I was like “Why is he privately announcing his arrival to me?” I wonder if these 2 are talking about me. What’s your take?

    • They might be talking about you. But it won’t matter what they do until the guy you like asks you out for a date. If he doesn’t, there is no proof of his interest that warrants you even thinking or talking about him.

      To spend time on a guy who hasn’t stepped up and pursued you is wasting it. Too often girls get carried away with fantasies of what if. These fantasies only serve to break your heart.

      So put away the fairy tale books and see what you’ve got: absolutely nothing. No date = Nothing.

      Forget what is said. Watch what is DONE.

  17. bgrits permalink

    wow this is great and you are a correct!! reminds me of the book Not Your Mother’s Rules and Steve Harvey’s advice

  18. I fully agree with this.

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