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Why the @#&*% doesn’t he ask me out?!

September 17, 2013

Yes, why doesn’t he?

You gave him all the clues. You smiled at him, you looked eager, you batted your eyelashes, you even returned his texts, emails, and phone calls. He even knows where you live and your favorite restaurants.

Yet there you are, sitting in bed, reading his messages on your phone on a Friday night, like so many other girls the world over.

What’s going on?

Women today are OVEREXPOSED.

Naked and scantily-clad women are everywhere, in media, TV, movies, online or offline, on the street and in strip clubs.

Coed workplaces and coed living arrangements make exposure a constant factor.

Men have more access to seeing, touching, and getting to know and explore more women than EVER IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND.

Once upon a time, men had no such exposure.

The female was an ENIGMA.

A MYSTERY.

A CHALLENGE.

In those days, men scrambled to stand up when a lady entered the room and be the first to light her cigarette. She was SPECIAL because she wasn’t overexposed.

Women not only dressed modestly, but most stayed at home. Their bodies were delightfully mysterious. Daughters were practically hidden from public. A man was FORCED to step up and WOO a woman in order to let her know he even existed.

If he didn’t step up and become a SUITOR, he had NO SHOT.

The most ARDENT suitor usually got the girl because his hard work and efforts indicated to her he was ready, able, and willing to offer her the most and do whatever it took to make her happy.

Today, men do not have the incentive or urgency to STEP UP and ask a woman out.

With easy access to her using technology, he can email and message her any time of the day or night, and get her response INSTANTLY. She is literally AT HIS FINGERTIPS.

Not only can he have her attention and virtual company anytime he wants, he can have MULTIPLE women’s undivided attention simultaneously. If he’s tired or bored of one, he can switch to another. He can even assign them their individual time slots for chatting so he never feels lonely for a minute.

And there are ever new faces and bodies to check out to bring aboard to entertain him.

This is all it is for time-wasters like him: ENTERTAINMENT.

Do you want to be a source of his entertainment?

If not, don’t be at his fingertips. Don’t return those meaningless texts and messages. Let him get NOTHING from you in return. NOT A PEEP. Let him remain single.

No, we can’t time travel and go back to the past. We don’t want to. So let’s work with what we’ve got and what we know:

The Bad News:

All that exposure and easy access to women is causing men to become passive and lazy. He can be because female attention takes no effort and he’s thrilled beyond belief how fun it is to just twitter away on a device.

The Good News:

Such men tend to be scared of relationships or are unequipped to be in one, so therefore, they disqualify themselves automatically and do you a favor!

So if you ignore these men, YOU ARE BETTER OFF.

Fortunately, not all men on this planet just want to be entertained. Many still do want a long-term relationship. Many aren’t afraid of emotional intimacy, and they want to love and are ready to.

The Only Catch Is…

Dating today is no longer about revolving your life around a man, like the days of old. You can’t. The female sex is no longer a mystery or an enigma. A man can take you for granted IN A SNAP. You would be an absolute FOOL to center your life around a guy.

What you need to do is live a full life and enjoy it, with him as a SIDE DISH. (You’re the main course.)

So let the suitors step up, while you pursue your own endeavors and entertain YOURSELF.

Welcome to dating in the 21st century.

Get the secret weapon in dating and relationships when you Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

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108 Comments
  1. Cindy permalink

    Thank you for that truhful and straight-on insight! Here’s my ‘predicament’. Nearly every man I meet chases me- I flirt with most and love to smile and be the life of he party but don’t find any worth dating. THe ONE man I do like isn’t interested. His friend was hitting on me so he stayed away. I asked him out. I chased him. He RAN. I ruined it with the one guy I want. There are 5 others asking me out. And I’m alone becuse I’m not into any of them. Grrrr

    • Cindy,

      Welcome to the blog and thanks for reading! Yes, it can be very frustrating when the one you like isn’t the one that likes you. That is why it is best not to show your interest FIRST, especially when chasing men you are attracted to doesn’t work anyway.

      Flirting only works if the guy you are flirting with HAPPENS to be interested in you, so it is always a gamble. You have to endure a lot of rejections which only end up discouraging and demoralizing you. Why do that to yourself?

      Yes, it can feel like an eternity to wait for the pursuit of a guy you are attracted to. But you wouldn’t be waiting. You’d be living a full, fabulous, absorbing life in the meantime. This would be a much better use of your time than chasing men to no avail. If you’re single, at least be a single PRIZE CATCH!

  2. Avatarded permalink

    This advice is fundamentally flawed on the premise that men have changed and women have not.

    Challenge is for games, to which love certainly is not. If anything the opposite is true, the more important something is the more cautious a man is trained to be. “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right” being the motto of the day here. If a man has not asked you out, but has demonstrated that he is interested (proof by action is societies prototype for manhood) then he may simply be uncertain of either what his role is, or how best to address that role.

    The question in this circumstance that may be holding him back is “is your affection genuine, or imagined” that is, he may be asking himself if his affection for you may be clouding how he interprets your own passes at him. Historically, masculinity revolves around the idea an air of certainty. The man is trained not to make a fool of himself if it can be avoided, which introduces the hesitation you are likely seeing.

    Historically Chivalry and the role of the Suitor, was met by it’s complementary ideal– Grace — in both form and purpose.

    However as civil rights and social liberties progress greater uncertainty is introduced. When a man is raised on an idea he no longer sees reflected in society he doesn’t question the idea (that he spent his entire life proving to himself), but rather his place in a society that does not reflect his ideals. Reasonably this has had a definitive effect on courtship.

    • Avatarded,

      You can have all the social engineering in the world to make women more comfortable as suitors, but that won’t change the fundamental biological wiring: the sperm goes to the egg.

      Wishing upon an equal opportunity star to allow women make the effort and men enjoy the fruits isn’t ever going to change what essentially makes men happy: the chance to win the heart of the woman of his dreams and feel empowered making it happen.

      What empowers men is what drives romance. If women could pursue men and still get cherished, there would be no dating problems. Your idea of how it SHOULD be would be absolutely wonderful and much easier on everyone. But sadly, it rarely works.

      On the occasion it does, it’s probably due to the following reason:

      The woman is aggressive and enjoys control, and dislikes herself enough to not have any desire to feel cherished. The man she is chasing lacks in confidence in himself, and prefers to have the woman in charge. He doesn’t need to feel empowered as a man because he is too unsure of himself and rather than risking rejection even if he could feel empowered by taking the risk, he’d settle for taking what he is given — a woman who does the heavy lifting who also doesn’t require him to cherish her.

      Again, like many people who offer counterarguments on this blog, you’re using workplace rights of equality to justify how it’s SUPPOSED to work in romance, instead of observing what DOES WORK. I’m of the latter strain.

      I’m not interested in securing rights of women or men in romance. It’s a futile cause because it’s about matters of the heart that is also down to hard wiring of the genders.

      • Avatarded permalink

        The sperm goes to the egg is like saying you’ll never go to the store when you can order everything online or via door to door sales man.

  3. Monique permalink

    Hi, I really love your blog! Absolute genius! Your advice on my issue would be appreciated. So I met a guy a about a month ago on a night out with some friends. We hit it off pretty well. He comes by my house to see me often, but never inside, we talk outside or in his car and have these long in depth conversations, we also talk on the phone almost everyday. I traveled back to my hometown (I’m away for school) for the holidays and upon my return he expressed his feelings, saying he missed me and could not stop thinking about me. I told him I felt the same. Its funny, but I’m not head over heels or dying to be his girlfriend at this point, but I like him and think he’s special, I think about him alot; so when he expressed himself I tried my best not to reveal too much. He’s never once asked to come into my place or tried anything more than a hug, a caress of the hand or a simple kiss on the cheek, which is probably the part where I get butterflies. So with all of this said, Why hasn’t he asked me on a proper date? He’ll drop what he’s doing, even when sick, to stop by and talk but why not an actual date? I don’t want to push the issue and feel uncomfortable, pushy or as if I’m the “man”, But it’s only so long you can take walks and sit in a car and talk. A part of me says maybe he’s taking his time, which I can respect but we’re also not in high school anymore. Then another part of me is skeptical as to why. I’ve gotten into relationships where the first date came months after establishing the title but I guess I’m looking for a change. Any guidance is appreciated.

    • Monique,

      Thank you for reading my blog!

      He isn’t stepping up because you are willing to talk to him without a date. You let him in your house. You allow him to have your company without any effort.

      When a man doesn’t get to see you unless he takes you out on a date, guess what? He will do it.

      For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Once you have the KNOWLEDGE and the TOOLS, you will be equipped to avoid being dateless with a man. Look forward to helping you!

  4. Red_Rose permalink

    Done. The library doesn’t have those books, but Amazon does. I bought them all used for about 6 dollars.

    • Thanks for the additional help. You know, taking the time to read and learn about relationships seems like a very good idea. I’ve actually never done that. I’ve just been flying blind and failing. I also know that I don’t communicate very well with men. I let issues build up and then explode; that’s how Mom and Dad did it while growing up. This is an area that I am going to work on. Thank you. Oh, as for inspirational music. Right now, beautiful Christmas music is helping me connect with my Higher Power and I’m not Christian. Music that is calming and beautiful always helps me when I’m sad.

      • Nina permalink

        Love it when women take ACTIONS to improve themselves. I just like to share with you that I found so many things to do that make me happy and move on. Recently I addded one more thing when I start a small business. The best thing is, I’ve never been a business woman. So, I would have to say that, I’m so absorbed with my LIFE right now. I have my 5-day job, play hockey, go to dance class, following perricone’s diet, always try to sleep at 10 or 11 pm, wake up early, exercise at dawn, friends, family, then my small side business that ‘force’ me to reach out to people. I also love to read self-love my Deborah Koshaba other than relationship books between men-women. Thanks a lot to The One and Deborah.

  5. Thank you so much for sharing what has worked for you, Cinderella. I’m super proud of you. You have inspired me. I’m going to the library and checking out those books. The blog is great as well.

  6. Emily permalink

    Hi-
    This has been great reading material for me and love your words of wisdom. I’d love your help for a situation I’m trying to get out of, knowing it was stupid to get into in the first place, and now need to get out for good. I started “hanging out/hooking up” with my sister’s brother-in-law who’s only 23 (I’m 32). Talk about shitting where you sleep. We’re around each other all the time because of our respective siblings, and we’ve developed strong feelings, he’s said he loves me. However, he’s not ready for an exclusive commitment, can’t really blame him, and that’s not smart of us either. I just told him it’s confusing for us to continue to have sex and we have to shift this into friendship mode. He agreed but says I’m looking at the big picture too much and wants to get dinner next week (more hang out, not date). I’ve done well by cutting off the intimacy, but this is going to be hard since we both like each other so much, and I can’t ignore him-he’s family in a way and I see him all the time regardless. Any advice how to get through this sticky situation? It’s hard not to get down on myself for going for the ultimate unavailable guy. Ughgh

    • Emily,

      Welcome to the blog!

      You have a sexual bond with him, without the commitment or proper treatment you deserve. That is what happens when women have sex with a man without him proving he is a viable suitor.

      I have more to say that I think will help you. Please sign up at Get In-Depth Advice Now for confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

  7. Red_Rose permalink

    Dear One,

    I have another question. I’m trying to figure out a time-frame for “getting myself together”. Is one year a good amount of time before I start dating? I want to set a goal in my mind so I can be disciplined and focused. Does this work?

    Thank you.

    • Whatever time you need to your act together is the time frame. Everybody is different. Some need a few months. Others need a year or even a decade. It doesn’t matter, because if you don’t allow yourself time, it won’t work. Whatever you need is what is required!

      • Thank you, it felt good to read that I can take a decade if I need to. It eases the pressure to “get my act together” and eliminate any rushing or feeling like I’m not moving fast enough, which could lead to beating myself up. Reading this made my day! I can take all the time I need.

        • Glad to help!

        • Dear Cinderella,

          Thank you for your reply. I can identify and feel as though the last “player” I got involved felt like getting hit by a truck. A really big ass truck with those obnoxious naked women mud flaps (how did I not see that?!).The break I’m taking is challenging, but everyday I am feeling better. I’m picking myself up and am now doing the following as well: losing weight, wearing make-up, styling my hair and dressing better. It’s a slow process, but I’ve realized how much I’ve neglected myself because I was too busy chasing and obsessing over unavailable and womanizing men (and the ensuing depression). On that note, I’ve also started attending Al-Anon for the very first time to do the real work of addressing my unresolved childhood issues and patterns that drive my feelings of low self-worth and low self-esteem. The inner and the outer work continue. I’m also enjoying clothes shopping for the very first time, I used to hate it, but now I see it just as valuable as time spent in a therapist office. Today I bought some Dr. Scholls inserts for my high heels 🙂 which I just love wearing because they make me feel grown up and confident. I must say that Al-Anon so far has given me much needed nurturance and insight. I’m getting some deep emotional releases and it’s very healing. While I’m doing this deep inner work, I’m staying away from coffee, alcohol and allowing myself to relax and sleep as much as my body needs to. The other day, I slept 12 hours, but then felt refreshed enough to go to the gym and then do yoga. I didn’t beat myself up or try to force myself. It’s so comforting to know that I’m not alone and that there is support out there, in the form of this blog, books, and other women who have been there. What are some of the relationship books you found useful? Thanks again for sharing with me.

  8. Please show me where it is.

    • Red_Rose permalink

      It is a recent post you just replied to. Thank you!!! Has the words: “co-dependency” and “women who love to much”.

        • Anonymous permalink

          Thank you for your response. I’m so comforted by your words and the steps. This is going to be a journey for me, but I am willing to go to any lengths to stop suffering and living in pain. I’m also noticing that the “chasing” extends beyond men and that I’m also “chasing happiness” unnecessarily outside myself. Time to stop trying so hard. Thank you for saying more books aren’t needed, but the application is what’s most important. Similar to spending time actually meditating than reading about meditation! 😊

          • You’re welcome! Meditation can be a powerful transformative tool. Looks like you’re well on your way!

  9. MYN permalink

    I have been trying to follow what your blog says, because I think it truly makes sense!

    But here’s what just happened. A guy asked me out on a second date (pretty spontaneously because he knew I was hanging with some friends in his area. He suggested to meet after that, which was 11pm at night), and I declined, saying I was too tired. I think he got it wrong that I wasn’t interested at all (because he stopped texting me after), how do I fix this?
    Does this mean that if a guy asks me out, and I AM interested, I can never say no even though I want to erm, rest? It sounds so simple, but my friends said it sounded like I was trying to avoid him.

    • Welcome!

      A guy who asks to meet you at 11 pm at night, then stops texting you? I don’t think you’re missing out on anything.

      For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist!

      • MYN permalink

        Hmm ok he stopped for a day but is back asking me out. But he just left for work overseas for a couple of months (and still texting me while he is overseas). But of course I am going to continue seeing other people and not stupidly wait.

        All this time what interests me is personality compatibility. Are you saying that is less important than how much a guy can give you? What should come first?

        And I have a new question actually, so if a prize catch is not supposed to text a man too much, or not add him on social media, remain mysterious, etc, how is a guy supposed to be encouraged to chase you? He would know nothing about you, nothing to build on, so everything is based on initial attraction (aka, looks)?

        • Good you won’t wait for him. Keep yourself busy dating different guys.

          Always be friendly, sweet, and gracious.

          For much more advice, please sign up at Get In-Depth Advice Now for confidential Email Exchange.

          Hope to assist you!

      • MYN permalink

        Hi

        Thanks for letting me know how much is too much! I have seen this in some suitors, I used to think the guys who ask me out too quickly or easily are just superficial or needy or just looking for a hookup.

        Regarding this guy who is overseas, he is texting me everyday and I do respond, but I usually take half a day to respond unless I am free to chat (for that, our conversations go on continuously for 2hrs or so). He has even requested me to get an app where you can leave voice messages for each other. Is this being too available? Because sometimes I feel like our conversations get too casual, as if I am just talking to a friend. Currently I still like him more than the other guys I am dating, but since he is overseas and we can’t meet, I am not sure how receptive I should be

        • Of course you don’t get an app to make yourself even more easily accessible to him than you already are. Men need a challenge. Be one. If you can’t wait 24 hours, then you don’t value yourself enough. You’re telling him, “I will drop what I’m doing to make sure you know I’ve got you on my mind.

          Why are you talking to a guy overseas? What’s the point? Will he be able to take you out for a date Saturday night?

          By chatting with him, you’re wasting time when you could be meeting new men and dating them. You’re making yourself available for a phantom. An illusion.

          Even if a man is the Man of Your Dreams and Mr. Super Right, it won’t work if he’s not around. He might as well live on the moon.

  10. Sapna permalink

    Hi The One

    I love this blog! As per your definition I believe am a Prize Catch. I am smart, educated, independent (esp. financially), a growing career, have hobbies, friends, good relations with family and am committed to spiritual growth. In, short, I have a life and my act together. I am content with my life and have self respect. I never chase guys. I talk to them, smile at them but never throw myself at them. I dress well but not too revealing, am reasonably attractive and consider myself to be a respectable and decent person. Like everyone else, I have my flaws too as well as some strengths. I have always been a Prize Catch because I was raised that way–esp with a strong emphasis on self-development. Besides, my cultural background is very traditional and therefore there was no question of ever chasing men.

    I have always looked at actions and not words and never had unrealistic fantasies about love and marriage growing up because in my culture arranged marriages still happen although many modern younger couples date and choose their own life partners as well these days.
    However, despite being a Prize Catch, I must say that in my life I have had very few suitors …even when I moved to the USA where dating is commonplace. Very Very few guys have stepped up to ask me out properly. I am not a social butterfly but not a recluse either. I have been in school for several years so I have been around men my age and did have opportunities. Unfortunately, none of those prospects worked out for me—scarce as they were—not because I was too picky over superficial matters (looks, money, “coolness”) but because there were real differences in values, perspectives, life trajectories etc…all important deal breakers. I believe I made the right decisions and avoided disasters.

    Sure, I have not settled and managed to escape potential bad relationships and flimsy men. I have not been fooled by empty promises or been induced to chase a man nor I have I allowed any man to treat me badly or disrespectfully. I definitely want be to pursued as I sincerely believe that is the role men should play because that is what works so I refuse to chase a man. But I am also without a partner or any prospects whatsoever. I am now 30 and beginning to worry a little. The men I “rejected” went on to marry other women pretty quickly and seem reasonably happy. They found their “fit”–their match. I remain single.

    Although my happiness or survival does not depend on it, I would like to find true love and get married. When you say that a Prize Catch must do nothing except be a Prize Catch–I wonder–is that enough? I have done exactly what you say in your blogs about being a Prize Catch all my life. But it seems I have missed the boat…ALL my friends are married–rich ones, poor ones, pretty ones, ugly ones, Prize Catches and chasers.I am the last woman standing-so to speak.

    I do not mean to say that being single is a curse…there are worse things. I would rather be single than be unhappily married or divorced. Besides, who knows what my married friends’ lives are really like? Maybe the grass isn’t that green on the other side. That said, I DO want a happy, high quality marriage that is based in reality and true love. I Do believe this is possible–yes, some women do have it. I am open and try to be optimistic.

    But it seems that by just being a Prize Catch I am leaving a lot of things to chance. Or perhaps there aren’t really enough men who are capable of being true suitors who would also be a good fit for me. Does that mean I will never be married or be married too late to have my own children? Is my only alternative to chase a man down and then be unhappy with the consequences? I do not want that.

    There is something missing here–in just being a Prize Catch. What am I doing wrong? Or maybe I am not such a Prize Catch after all…or just really really unattractive? I am beginning to doubt myself. I am not so unusual that there is no good fit for me. Nor am I so high-and-mighty that no one is good enough for me. I just want a decent, good (character) man who is loyal, committed, supportive and complements my personality, shares some of my interests, is attractive to me, loves me and wants to get married and have kids. Nothing spectacular. I don’t have specific/fussy requirements about intelligence, looks, money, profession, status, religion, background/culture, race, country, tastes but I will not compromise on important matters such as mutual respect and genuine love. As long as we share the same values and are compatible–that is enough. Is that asking for too much? I am an ordinary woman who wants an ordinary man-that is all. I have flaws and am willing to accept those of others as long as they are not deal breakers. Why is it so difficult? Can being a Prize catch solve this problem of *not* being able to find The One? Is that truly enough? I know you cannot say for sure because you do not know me personally but what is a Prize Catch like me supposed to do? I have done everything from changing cities, to expanding/improving my social life, trying out new hobbies, traveling, online dating..I have really really put myself out there and still nothing!

    I am not the only one. There are many other women I know who are great, true Prize Catches but are still single. No, they are not “intimidating”, damaged, crazy bitches who throw themselves at men…but genuinely great women who are waiting to be pursued. I have seen ALL kinds of women get married but these really great women get left out time and again. What is the deal with this? Are there really not enough real suitors to go around?

    You said, there is nothing a Prize Catch can do to make a man ask her out. Really? Are we doomed to be single/dateless forever? I don’t even get asked out anymore! You said a Prize Catch must not worry about anything until a man asks her out–but what if men hardly ask her out?

    • Dina permalink

      Hi sapna,, sorry to interupt,.. I know it,s hard. It,s like you have this longing desire that it,s unmet and somehow we feel frustated. i feel you too. I am 37… I think the best things to do it,s just go ahead and living your full life and run into the direction where you want to in life. I believe as a woman we have to have other purpose that we can control with our hands. For example i have a purpose i want to employ many poor women to work for me , so they can have a better life. Or as simple as i want to be able to provide for my elder mom. And make it your purpose in life with or without a guy 🙂 life is more meaningful with your dreams and purpose.

      i feel you, i also would love to have my own family etc, but you know sometimes really there is nothing you can do about it. So rather than focusing on the negativity and revolving my life around guys 1 years ago, i decided to take control of what can i do to make my life better. This last year alone i am surprised of what i can accomplished. I finally can employ 1 single mom to work fulltime for me. Her husband left her and she owns 2 kids, the feeling to be able to reach my dreams is far beyond my frustation when will i find someone 🙂 It takes me 37 year to reach my dream. I am only at the beginning of my dreams 🙂 When i looked back…i always revolved my life and made decision because of guys i like, guys i dated, guys i want him to pursue etc. i wonder where would i be today if i never live a life focusing so much on when will i meet my prince and when will i get married :).

      . I think so many times i am so focus on the marriage, my life probably shout desperation. Now that i step back. I start to see from far who is among my girlfriend who shouts desperation and who is not, i wonder if a man can also have a hidden radar like this haha. 😁. I have a girlfriend who take picture with a popular guy in my church and put it as her profile picture on her facebook 😊seriously. I stalk her! As you can see i am a jealous sister /jk haha i want to know when she will take it down,,,it,s been 2 weeks she never did take it down. She barely even know this guy. I know because i am her friend. I told her but she thinks it,s not of my business.

      from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. For as the man thinks in his heart so is he.
      So be careful what you say to yourself. I believe there is good thing coming my way, and you should too! 🙂 stop being negative about your situation and try to pursue your life and dreams! 🙂 .i never know, i may run in the same path with my dream guy and will cross path with him someday. However whatever happens i stil can be known as a girl who reach her dreams in life :), and you can too. 🙂 the feeling is so rewarding!

      Lastly, i believe there is a season in life, so when it,s our season in life to be a single person then try to enjoy it, someday it might be gone and you dont regret it and never look back. I have lots of married girlfriend who owns kids but living like they are single, they love going to the party and leaving their kids with their nanny. Pursuing this and that and neglecting their role as a mom or wife. Because she never treasures her season in life when she was single nor when she is a married woman, so be grateful 🙂 life is good! 🙂 and believe good things can happen to you 🙂 learn to speak good things to yourself! 🙂 that,s a start….:)

      • Dina,

        Thanks for sharing. You truly are passionately absorbed in living your life to the max and sharing your humanity with those less fortunate. What an inspiration you are!

      • Sapna permalink

        Thanks Dina!

    • Welcome, Sapna!

      On the one hand you said things didn’t work out with certain men in the past because “there were real differences in values, perspectives, life trajectories etc…all important deal breakers. I believe I made the right decisions and avoided disasters.”

      Then you stated “The men I ‘rejected’ went on to marry other women pretty quickly and seem reasonably happy. They found their ‘fit’–their match.”

      If you start regretting past decisions and cast doubt on yourself, you will spend time and energy dwelling on things you cannot change. What you need is to stop questioning your past decisions and stop looking for what is wrong with YOU.

      For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist!

      • Sapna permalink

        Thanks The One!

      • Sapna permalink

        Hi The One
        Just one more question–you say that the man is the side dish…and to live our life like a Prize..but then I wonder sometimes why bother with a man in the first place? If my life is already fulfilled and fun and I am already passionately absorbed in many things other than men then what is the role of a man in my life? You said, chances are that I might outlive him and end up alone anyway, chances are that he might cheat on me, leave me and what not. Chances are marriage may not be all that romantic…and if I marry for children, it is possible either one of us might be sterile or we might be unable to have children. So really, why marry? Why have a man in my life? Now I am having trouble justifying having a man in my life. Sure it can be fun, interesting, different…but what is the role of a man in a woman’s life when she is already complete in herself?

        • Red_Rose permalink

          Good question! I’ve wondered the same along with my girlfriends. Also, the wrong kind of men (unhealthy men) are more trouble than they are worth. What about respectable men that are wholesome and complete without us? It has to work both ways, right?

        • Sapna,

          The role of a man is he is a diversion.

          I’d like to explain why. For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

          • Very well said. I had years of marriage with a man, but no relationship. It was the most miserable time of my life. To this day, I still don’t know who the f*ck he really is or what that was all about. I just wanted to get married so badly that it dislodged me from REALITY and I lost everything (literally: time, money, career) and spiraled me into a black hole of depression that’s taken me YEARS to climb out of. I don’t blame him at all, I did it to myself. The flip side, everyone thought we were so happy and looked perfect together. I put on a good show, but I lived a lie until it blew up in my face. What The One is saying is the TRUTH and has been my life experience.

            • Red Rose,

              Good you do not blame him and own up. This way you’re not bitter and are better equipped for a new relationship. Your experience proves married couples sure can put on a good show! And so many single women are fooled by the show and believe marriage is the ticket to happiness.

              No, what a woman does with HERSELF and HER life is the ticket to happiness.

              Thanks for sharing your story!

          • Sapna permalink

            Thanks the The One! You are SO right!

            • Sapna,

              My pleasure, and glad you live abundantly and are absorbed!

  11. Red_Rose permalink

    First, thank you for this blog; it’s like a lifeline. I need to read and re-read these posts and re-wire my brain. At some level, I know this to be TRUE; however, as my history shows, I just don’t get it. I’m currently taking a break from men and working on being a Prize Catch. Besides therapy (which I am doing), can you suggest books that build self-esteem and confidence? I need a plan. I’m worn out from YEARS of mistreatment, pain and suffering. I’m almost contemplating being a nun because of my awful man-chasing addictive cycle. However, deep down, I know that won’t make me happy either in the long-term. I’ve read and highlighted through and cried my way through “women who love to much” and “co-dependent no more”. What’s next? Again, thank you.

    • Welcome! You’re not alone. Lots of women have chased and been heartbroken. But it takes a smart and courageous woman to take a break from men so she can get herself together. So good for you!

      Glad you are able to recognize and admit the addiction to chasing men, which is, as you noted, codependency.

      What’s next? Stick with therapy for as long as you can. Therapy helps you to identify feelings and sort a lot of stuff out that you would otherwise ignore or dismiss.

      Meanwhile, practice what you already know. There are all kinds of books out there, based on different theories. They all lead to the mountaintop, some faster or easier to do than others, depending on you.

      However, more books will not change anything until you are able to apply yourself in real life. Until you put advice from this blog, from books, or from your therapist into practice daily, it’s just more theories in your head.

      You’re on the right track so far, so keep it up and never ever quit!

  12. Morgan permalink

    Thank you for all your helpful suggestions! They are life changing and if followed can really make good things we have been running from possible. Time to face the inevitable process of change and trust ourselves threw the process. Our time IS precious too! No need to use our valuable princess energy any longer on men who’ve been able to lead us on for there own “entertainment” and fears of being alone. Time to recognize those “time-waters” and move the F%#^ ON!!! Thanx!!!

    • Morgan,

      Welcome to the blog and glad you are finding the suggestions life-changing!

      Yes, your time IS most precious!

    • Dear Morgan,

      Thanks for posting a while back on my dating blog.

      I just want to let you know I am offering private advice with more analysis and feedback via confidential Email Exchange. If you ever need to, sign up at Get In-Depth Advice Now.

      Hope to assist you!

      The One

  13. Paris permalink

    “The hunter chases a running rabbit. RUN!”
    This one line made my day! Too funny and so very true.

  14. Astrum permalink

    I wish I had known this stuff ages ago, I could have avoided a lot of silliness, but I know now and won’t be repeating the same mistakes, that’s for sure!

  15. Espy permalink

    I LOVE this website in its entirety! I am 29 and honestly didn’t know I wasn’t allowing myself to be pursued. I love knowing I can start over fresh. I’m excited about putting me first and being elusive! I’m buying this book for myself and all my single girlfriends. I’m so happy to FINALLY know what people meant when they say ” women have all the power”. It’s refreshing to know I can ignore men that aren’t suitors instead of being so accessible and wondering where this is headed. Well, I’m going to ignore these texts, pathetic Facebook messages, time wasting men and get a life!

  16. What a beautifully written article and inspiring!! okay so problem I’m having is getting my guy to chase me, I so to say “have him” you know the texting starts first thing in the morning 99.9% on his dime, I won’t text him first. I’ll give him a little chase and wonder during the day, won’t text him back RIGHT away or sometimes I will. We’ve been on one date that was very romantic and casual and very laid back… Most of our conversations turn mildly sexual, by his default. Okay so what I want is for him to chase me now but I don’t want to do it as if it was the first time meeting, meaning not ignoring him or anything dramatic lol because then he would take that as a bad thing and things would well get bad and back fire on me… How do I go about it now that we’ve already established a romantic friendship/relationship. What is some good advice for getting him to chase me and make me the only girl in his world ?

    • LC,

      Thanks for writing! Glad you’re reading the blog.

      You can’t GET a guy to chase you. It’s up to him.

      What you CAN do is be a PRIZE. Men love chasing things. So let him do what he is built to do, go after something that intrigues him.

      Wait 24 hours before you respond to his contact. Never initiate. And if he doesn’t ask you out on a date, ignore him. That’s being a challenge and that’s ALL you ever have to do.

      This is what drives men into the arms of women: Being a challenge and living a great life of your own. Be friendly, gracious, and sweet. Be very busy. Men toss and turn at night wondering how on earth they can nail you down so you don’t get away.

      The hunter chases a running rabbit. RUN!

  17. Jane permalink

    This is the TRUTH. I have been saying this for a long time that women today are completely overexposed. I love looking at old photos from the early 1900’s because the woman actually had mystery to them and can imagine how the men just had so much desire for to unwrap them. I wish I was born back then…even without air conditioning.

    I honestly think that online dating is the WORST way to meet someone. Men on there have major entitlement issues and think they deserve some model. And I just *love* how they communicate by text for everything these days. I am about to get rid of the texting feature altogether and I also have NO social networking sites. I love my privacy and also don’t want to waste time on trying to prove myself to people who don’t matter. There is no way to go back on this over exposure thing which is very sad!

  18. Itay permalink

    One. Thanks for the response. In this case it’s a 25 yr. Surprise Anniversary party for my two CLOSE FRIENDS. Her Father & Mother is hosting the party for them at Mr. married house. I must go or I will risk hurting their feelings. Therefore, I have decided to ask in advance if I could bring someone with me. So, another single female friend will accompany me, she and I will mingle together among the guest.

    • Good solution!

      • Anonymous permalink

        Please can you help me. I’m a 38 ye old who has been on numerous dating sites and have had numerous rejections for the last six years. I have almost given up hope! I would say I am attractive(or so people say) fun,funny,interesting and generally easy to get along with. I have a great family and close friends. The only thing I can’t seem to have is a relationship . I recently dated a guy who has been in the middle east for the last 15 years as security for the US government. I know he is very independent and he is 42 now and lives on his own. He is a director if a security company so I know he is very busy. We went on our first date over a week ago and I got quite drunk and ended up in bed with him,although we didn’t have sex we may as well have. Anyway . I left in the morning and exchanged a few txts in the afternoon. He said lets catch up again soon and that was it. I left my ring and bracelet round his flat so I txt him a few days later ad I could see he was online again and he hadn’t contacted me. I was a little grumpy to start and asked it it was going to go anywhere and he said he had only net me once and that he enjoyed my company and that was it. He also said he was busy for the next two weeks.

        • Anonymous permalink

          ..I said no worries and no need to post my stuff as it would be nice to see him again. He replied saying. “yes sounds good,would love to see you again and talk shit bla blah. It Woukd be a Shane not to see each other again.. You do make me laugh” that was a week ago and I haven’t heard from him since. Everytine I go on line I can see he is on there. What should I do.. Txt him asking for my stuff back or just leave it and wait for him to contact me after two weeks( as he said we should meet up sometime after that time) . Pla help I hate these kinda things. If I guy likes you he will contact you. But people keep saying its not entirely true when it comes to online dating.

          • I’m happy to tell you exactly what to text him so you maintain dignity and self-respect, but get the message through and hopefully get your bracelet back.

            Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

            Hope to assist you!

        • I’d like to list all the things you did to lead to where you are now, then explain to you how you can rectify it all so you turn it around. Please Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

          Hope to assist you!

  19. Bonjour, The One! Sorry, been in France for the weekend..! So, I don’t know if you remember but, I wrote to you a few weeks ago and am DESPERATE for advice from The Oracle in all such matters..! To jog your memory, I am the incompetent one who managed to advertise her name to the whole world reading your blog! If the same happens now; would you mind rectifying as before! Thanks in advance.

    So, to business! Since I wrote to you I have been on three dates with this man. However, I would only call the second two dates. Forgetting the first one (accidental meet up), the second, we met in the park, he bought us take away coffees and we spent about 1.5 hours together. All wonderful! The third date was two days ago and we met in a coffee shop and then extended the date and he drove me home, picked up dog and went for a walk. Total time 3 hours. Just talking nothing more but had a great time. He walked me to the door and said something like, ‘… so call me if your bored’, I didn’t say anything, just smiled and we both had to rush off. He text me later and said he had a great time and is looking forward to catching up again and I responded and said me too but in a friendly, encouraging way. Had two more texts back and fourth about a tv program and that’s it. He knows I don’t do any social networking/texting etc. so here is the problem, it’s been 48 hours and I have heard nothing and it’s driving me mad – why has he not text – ha, I know you can’t answer that. Can you tell me though, are we in a CRITICAL moment here? Am I doing the right thing in NOT initiating any contact and keeping VERY busy? Now the most important advice I need is this: I REALLY LIKE THIS MAN! So, now knowing that we have to protect myself from a potential non-suitor – how do I respond to the next text (I’m sure he will). If it’s a casual, ‘…so do you fancy a coffee again on Wednesday?’ (Obviously it must be 3 days + away – I have been paying attention in class!) do I respond with something like this: ‘hmmm, well in what capacity are we talking about, a date coffee or a friends getting together coffee?’ What do you think? Or do you think I’m pushing him into stating what we are actually doing? The point is the more I see him, the more I like him! If it’s a date, I’ll take the risk, if it’s not, I don’t want to see him anymore – I have enough great friends in my life!

    Oh, and I am doing the right thing in not initiating – am I? He has initiated EVERYTHING and I’m worried he might not think I like him and may be waiting for me to initiate to indicate to him that I do like him. I think he is unsure of how much I like him?!

    Do I need to take a chill pill, relax and just enjoy the anticipation, ha?

    Well, I hope you are well The One! I look forward to your expert advice, should you get the chance. (Hello to Hannah and all the rest of you..!) xx

    • Bell,

      Welcome back from France! Thanks for the update and for so bravely sharing it. I’ve deleted your real name already so it shouldn’t appear anywhere.

      He’s supposed to initiate. You’re just not used to this. Get used to it!

      Forty-eight hours? That’s two seconds in the scheme of things. You can’t afford to have your thoughts be all about him and building up your feelings for him. That is taking you up to cloud nine with a loud crash waiting to happen. You say you’re busy. Well, whatever you’re doing must not be that interesting. So do something that you can really absorb yourself in!

      You stressed the words “I Really Like This Man” because you’re caught up in the fantasy already. I can explain much, much more and elaborate on your situation. For more help, Get In-Depth Advice Now via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

      • Hello The One,

        Ha, please tell me that you were not born with this font of knowledge and had to go through many experiences yourself to become so clever!!

        I am now totally focused and being extra, extra busy doing very interesting things!! I will follow your advice to the ‘T’ and see what happens…

        I will just say though, he did actually ask me out for lunch (well, he gave me a choice, lunch or coffee) for the second date but I opted for coffee as I was just a bit unsure if I could, comfortably, get through a whole lunch with him. I now know I definitely could and I would enjoy it!

        Ha, I will continue to read your blog EVERY day, just to ensure that I stay on the right path…! x

        (Thank you Hannah!) x

        • Oh, you’re so welcome. Glad my “font of knowledge” is helpful! Lunch would have made him put in more effort…but you are slowing it down for your own comfort which is understandable.

          Yes, stay on the right path, and nice to know you have fun things to occupy yourself with in the meantime!

    • Hi Bell

      Hope it works out for you! Keeping my fingers crossed for you that he calls soon!

      Hannah xx

  20. Santa permalink

    Hi, I’m in pretty bad situation at the moment. I try to stay positive, but it’s so difficult to deal with this. I was dating a guy for about half year until one day I found that he’s been cheating on me. I never use twitter or other sites too much and he knew that. So one day I decided to check what hes doing on twitter and saw that he had put this girls photo as main background and spoke to him(by texts) latter and he admitted in cheating. I ended relationship the same day. Send him a text saying all I think. It’s weird because I had bad feelings before about this.. he acted very distant and cold lately, we met almost every second day before and then just 1 or none time a week, only at nights. Before it was so different, he even wanted to go on trip with me, diners etc.. Anyway week after I told him all I think he cut the contact with this girl, took out photo etc and been posting post that can’t sleep at night etc.. Just don’t know how to feel about this. I’m not going back to him that’s for sure, respect my self that much at least, but don’t understand what made him to do so.. He was so in love and called me his girl every time, came to visit me at work, put so much effort.. Where I’m so boring to him?

    • A cheater is a cheater. It doesn’t matter if you are smart, beautiful, charming, scintillating, or confident. If a man cheats, you have nothing to do with it.

      There are many good men who put up with horrible relationships and do not cheat. Then there are many cheaters who are loved by wonderful women.

      Therefore, it wasn’t YOU. Even if you ARE boring. Being boring is no justification for a man to cheat on you.

      So don’t try to look for what is wrong with YOU. Accept that you do not tolerate cheating, and move on to live a life you deserve.

  21. M.A.R. permalink

    I’ve learned so much from this blog. A few days ago I ran into a “time waster” at work and he kept going on about how nice I looked and that he sent me an email and hadn’t heard back from me. He also stated that he came to work on his day off to see me. What a joke. Normally I would’ve flirted back with him and I would’ve promised to send a reply email but I casually brushed him off. When I was leaving he was just sitting there staring at me. Of course I haven’t heard a word from him since and I hope I never do. Also the email he sent just said “Hey sexy”. For all I know he could’ve sent a mass email to a bunch of women to see who would respond. I’m so turned off and glad I know better now. Thanks The One!

    • You’re so welcome! Glad you’re able to recognize the things I’ve been talking about. He probably stared at you out of incomprehension and shock that what he did didn’t work on you!

      You’re doing great!

  22. Itay permalink

    The One,
    The party is at his house (sorry I didn’t make it clear). He offered to have it at his house because my dear friend who is giving the party had limited room at her home. She invited me and told me of the location after I accepted. Oh.. I hear you! I won’t even entertain the thought of dating a married man, which is why I feel uneasy about it. Being, that we are all coupled off. But what can I do?

    • Itay,

      If his INTENTION is for you to be his date at the party when you show up, then you cannot go. I’m sure you can think of plenty of other things to do for that night.

      Skipping this party one night out of your life isn’t such a sacrifice, is it?

  23. Slick permalink

    One,
    Where were you two years ago! 🙂

  24. dsgy permalink

    One,
    We spoken over the phone for hours after texting a few days. Since day we will talk over the phone for at least once a week.
    Then we went out a few times..Most of the times he asked me out for lunch/dinner but I did ask him out once to passed him something
    Shall I initiate to call him for lunch?

  25. Itay permalink

    One,
    I was invited and accepted an invitation to a anniversary party by a dear friend for her daughter. He has offered to have the party at his house. I found out I am the only single female invited everyone else is married. This means we are coupled off, I plan on keeping it moving from guest to guest but I feel it puts me in an awkward position. He would like nothing better than to act like we are a couple in front of everyone. I told him I would accept a date after his divorce is final but this is going to make everyone wonder what’s going on between us. What can I do?

    • Itay,

      A Prize Catch does not date a married man.

      There are two meanings for the word “date”: 1. A person you are going out with. 2. A romantic engagement by appointment.

      Even though the setting of the party doesn’t constitute a date (because it isn’t just the two of you), he is your date.

      So turn him down. If you really want to go to the party, you can go without him by yourself. This way you won’t be arriving there with him and are free to talk to anybody you want.

      If you go as his date, you are obligated to stick by his side most of the time and be viewed as an item. Go alone and socialize, or don’t go at all.

  26. Nina permalink

    I have to admit that dating in the 21st Century is damn hard. I mean it’s really really hard if you keep on with the mind that says, if you’re in love, you will think about him all the time (all the time like once you open your eyes in the morning till you dream about him day and night. sucks). Otherwise, it’s not love, it’s just like. I mean, this is a paradigm shift and at the same time it’s a back to basic idea. Women should not ever (or maybe just sometimes?) show their interests to men which is like what I did when I was horrifyingly shy back then, and I got those men chasing after me like nuts. But, I was too shy, I thought it was a big problem (lack of confident mostly). And then, I overcome my shyness. And then, there it comes all the shit from men. So, yes, be shy a bit, or a lot. It’s good for us women? Damn. Can I get through this? Contain all your feelings! urgh… okay…

    • I don’t think it’s about containing your feelings…otherwise why should you need a man if you can’t share with him your emotions??…

      It’s just about the control, to let him take a lead and still have a life at your own

      and you should and you can show your emotions when you are with him and when he’s doing the same

  27. Lita permalink

    your blog is my bible! reading every letter, every word — every morning when I wake up. making sure to absorb everything! 🙂 you are awesome! can’t wait for you to release a book! this article sealed the deal!

    you dont know how many female hearts and egos you’ve saved from being trampled and broken! and what we all appreciate here is that you are giving all this advices for free, and not trying to sell some ebook “how to get the guy and sh*T” I can see how many questions are posted everyday and you truly take time from your busy life to reply and help other people. That is very generous and kind of you. more power! – im your fan for life!

    • Lita,

      Glad you’re absorbing everything! I’m happy to help in my spare time. Thanks for reading and for sending your appreciation! It means a lot!

  28. kaiyden permalink

    I have a question for The One. I am recently separated and a student at my college I work for is the 2 yrs older than me and just popped in my office one day to ask a silly question. We talked many times after this about my separation because he is divorced as well. We had really deep conversations about life, kids, religion, relationships, everything. He makes excuses to come into my office for silly things that he could ask anyone else for. Then one day he asked if I was dating anyone. I spat off that I will not date anyone until I am officially divorced because I hate loose ends. A few weeks later he asked repeatedly if I was divorced yet. Then on another occasion he asked again if I started dating yet. I spouted off the same answer. I am unbelievably interested in this man and I have been separated for over a year now…just can’t afford a divorce yet. He knows all of these things and a lot of personal info about me that I normally don’t tell anyone but he asks a lot of questions about me all the time. My question to you is….Did I blow it? I do want to date him very much so, but I just didn’t have the confidence to think that maybe he was asking me out. Was he?? I don’t obsess over it but I want to know if I screwed up a possibility because I put up too many walls. Thanks!!!

    • Kaiyden,

      Welcome to the blog!

      He didn’t ask you out. He is finding out about you, but there is no time, date, and location planned. Until he nails down a time, date, and location, and offers to pick you up to take you out, you have nothing.

      Remember, men need a MOTIVATION to date you. If you are accessible and available whenever he pops in, why would he need to plan a date with you?

      For a lot more info, I urge you to Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

      • Anonymous permalink

        The One….you are so amazing and awesome. It’s like you read my mind when you replied to my question. I am now a faithful follower forever. It’s scary that you really knew what I was thinking and where I was headed with my emotions. Excellent advice you give…I will take it wholeheartedly. I will definitely spread the word about this blog. So glad I found it. Thank you so much for your help. I will get refocused and stop daydreaming! Thank you again!!!

  29. The One..
    You are sooo right, we women are overexposed and it is a very difficult situation to handle because who doesn’t have a celular phone with all of these app’s these days ???

    OK, So I have a question..
    All of your contacts know when you were online for the last time (date and time) right?, so if you answer every now and then or not answer at all HIS texts (just to “play hard to get”) after a while of this, wouldn’t he interpret you are not interested at all and give up (even if he is)?
    How to handle this especially when the guy lives in another city? I mean not to look eager but still keep him attracted?

    Thanks for your help

  30. Itay permalink

    The One.. Wow!
    You understand women and at the same time you know the mind and actions of a man. Keep it coming you are awesome! I CHERISH MYSELF more and more when I read your blog.

    • Itay,

      Thank you for saying that! I’m happy you are cherishing yourself more and more, because that is the key to it all!

  31. Anonymous permalink

    Being a man is more fun!

  32. Sheena permalink

    The One,
    I was wondering how to respond to guys who don’t ask you out per se but start inviting you to parties and social events as part of a group when they first meet you. Some guys seem to want to include women in their social circle, see how they gel with their friends and social life etc. These days it seems guys are awkward/reluctant to ask a woman out directly after a first meeting. They seem to want to get a feel for things, warm up to the girl and then proceed to more one on one dates. I know this does not qualify as chasing but could be a precursor to it.
    What do you say about accepting social invitations from guys who I might be potentially interested in dating? Should I go just once or twice and stop if I don’t get asked out or should I not go at all? If I don’t go at all or don’t become part of their social circle, there will be no interaction between us at all and social events are the safest way to get to know people. Besides, even if nothing works out with the guy extending the invitation, attending parties and social events could give me greater exposure to his friends or other interested guys who may pluck up the courage to ask me out.
    This is different from “hanging out”. These invitations are not last minute nor do they involve booty calls. These are just invitations into the guys’ social circle. How do you think I should deal with this? I am afraid if I say no to parties, I will be viewed as asocial or not interested and miss out on making other new friends.

    Another thing I was confused about is when a guy casually says “wanna grab a cup of coffee sometime?” and then we go out for coffee. How do I know if this is a date or just hanging out? A lot of guys with GFs, colleagues, work/study buddies have asked me that as well as guys who were interested in dating. Should I ask them if it is a date? Should I ask them if they are single? It is pretty clear if we are going to talk about work over lunch/coffee but when it is purely social it gets confusing. I don’t want to keep going to coffee with men and then have us both be confused about what is really going on only to find out later that it was “just coffee”. Sometimes, while I don’t want to lead a guy on if I am not romantically interested in the guy, I still want to hang out with him because I enjoy his company, his friendship, talk to him, and don’t want to come across as unfriendly for refusing coffee. What are the rules for navigating such situations so that it is very clear to both parties what is going on? What makes a date unambiguously a date? There are so many gray areas in social interactions. I don’t want to miss out on something because I misread a situation or tried to be a Prize and end up turning someone away!

    Thanks!

    • Sheena,

      Good questions. Let me clarify:

      Should you go to parties and social events? YES, YES, YES! It doesn’t matter who invites you: man, woman, beast or child. If you wanna go, go!

      The problem only arises when you already like a guy and he invites you. Then you have to stop to remember this is not a date and it does NOT indicate his interest in you.

      For a lot more info, I urge you to Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

  33. Ms. Unavoidable permalink

    Your posts are always so timely! You are the bomb! In spite of the disadvantages women face because of overexposure, I refuse to settle! Thank you for your posts and creating this blog. You are simply amazing and you always hit it right on the head! You are my mentor and you don’t even know it lol

  34. Sheena permalink

    AMAZING ARTICLE….I have posted this on my wall and read it everyday….to remind myself…..This has always been my Mantra but self doubt always creeped in because of what others said to me–how picky I was, what a princess I was, how I was going to end up alone, just because I was being a Prize. Guess what? There are things WORSE than being alone–i.e. being alone in a relationship or being mistreated in a relationship!!! Actually, being alone is quite fun, it is not lonely at all. I love my own company:) For me, it is only worth it to be with a man if he can truly offer me something great.
    All the guys I let go of because they weren’t stepping up ended up with other girls….and I was sad and bewildered…..and then I found out later what those girls had to put up with to be with and keep those guys..so many disasters averted!!! 🙂
    And yes, Men are only the SIDE DISH. The main course is Life itself!!
    Thank you so much The One. You nailed it again!

    • Sheena,

      So true! And there is nothing wrong with being a princess, if being one keeps the time-wasters at bay!

      Why wouldn’t you enjoy your own company? You’re the Prize!

      Glad you have averted disasters and not compromised yourself just to “have a man”. Every woman who settles for crumbs should think like you!

  35. Paris permalink

    Bravo! This is exactly why I deactivated my FB account (extreme measures to some) and stopped replying back to text messages. It’s too easy & lazy for them. I even went as far as sending one guy to automatic voice mail because he would wait until the last minute to ask me out. I wanted to see if his lazy butt would work! Of course not. The concept of wooing a woman was so foreign to him. Why should he? Most women do all of the work, waiting and chasing now anyway. D’oh! So, I let him text himself. After awhile he was even having arguments and temper tantrums by himself on text. lol! Whoo..the memories! Yes, technology is great but I don’t want to be a fingertip woman, space filler, nor an option. * another fist bump for you my friend*

    • Hilarious!

      A fist bump back to you! And no, it is not extreme to deactivate your Facebook account when necessary. Facebook overexposes women and is full of time-wasters addicted to it. You’ve got nerves of steel, good for you!

  36. Dina permalink

    I am actually living in asian country, just so you know 🙂 please pardon my english grammar 😁

  37. Dina permalink

    I have question, do we even need to send this guy a “hint” that we are not into text and emails kind of girls? Or just let him wonders…how about if he thinks we are not interested..i did that to some guys, they tried to add me on fb, twitter, or goggle+…i didnt do anything, i didnt approved, i didnt follow back. They never contacted me anymore,,..well i didn’t bother or feel i miss anything since i am not interested in them anyway. But how about if there is this “one guy” we hope that he will pursue us…you know,,,shall we say some hint. like say things to him like. opps sorry i forgot to reply. i am not into texting or email or whatsup or blackberry messenger or imessage or fb or skype LOL …….the one you should write a book! 😁☺😁…

    • Dina,

      Addressing your question about hinting at a guy. The only hint to show interest is to express happiness when he contacts you. Men feel empowered when they know they can make you happy.

      I’d like to tell you what to say to a guy when there’s no date in sight as well other recommendations via Email Exchange. Sign up at Get In-Depth Advice Now.

      Hope to assist you!

  38. charlene permalink

    aahhh yes. this is brilliant!!!! love this, it is so true. had to block this guys number, so he would stop bothering me. only contacted me out of pure entertainment, since then I’ve been able to live my life freely. ~the man is not the main dish. it’s rough out here for ladies!!!! thanks for the advice 🙂

  39. M.A.R. permalink

    Wow! Excellent article. One of my problems is that I’m attracted to men when they ignore me. I like the challenge and love to flirt. I need to leave these type of guys alone because it’s too much work. My personality and appearance makes it easy to get attention so when a guy ignores me it makes me want him even more. Thanks for the advice.

    • M.A.R.,

      Good you recognize that you enjoy a challenge!

      • M.A.R. permalink

        Yes. I agree about the low self esteem to a certain extent and I am working on that part of myself. Thanks for the feedback and keep up the good work.

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