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When it’s over, believe it

February 3, 2014

Excuse me, ladies:

Is he in a coma?

Is he six feet under?

Is he in the Witness Protection Program?

Did he disappear over the Bermuda Triangle on vacation?

Then why hasn’t he contacted you?

Why does he ignore you?

Maybe because it’s over and you refuse to accept it?

Maybe because he never saw you in his future?

Maybe because he couldn’t commit?

Maybe because he has someone already?

Maybe because you pressured him and stressed him out?

Actually, when there is no pursuit, the reason doesn’t matter.

It only matters if he is hospitalized or dead.

Listen, you just need to move on from this man. You need to stop with the excuses.

Give up trying to prove it’s salvageable.

Give up trying to prove there’s still chemistry.

Give up trying to prove you’re the best thing for him.

Give up trying to win him back.

Because desperation never looked so unattractive.

Even if his fingers were broken, he could still have someone dial your number for him.

Even if he woke up from the coma and couldn’t remember your number, he could Google you.

Yes, maybe a bit of effort on his part might mean he thinks you’re worth his time.

How do you think people found each other since the dawn of man? They busted their butts!

He can too. And if he doesn’t, HIT THE GROUND RUNNING.

Your life is waiting.

Get the secret weapon in dating and relationships when you Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

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21 Comments
  1. amanda permalink

    There was a guy who always stared at me whenever he saw me, for months. There was no denying it, he was definitely looking AT ME and he didn’t look away when I stared back. He seems to be very shy. I’m shy too, but we have a class together and on Friday he sat RIGHT beside me. I waited to see if he would say anything to me, but he still didn’t. So after the class I went and introduced myself. I felt like I had to because I never showed any interest at all, even though I was interested. I never looked at him, smiled, etc. so he would have no idea I liked him until I introduced myself. He seemed nice enough and kept the conversation going but when Monday came, it was like nothing had changed. He didn’t sit by me again, and still hasn’t tried to talk to me first. Although it seemed like he was purposely trying to leave the room at the same time as me, as if he was expecting me to come up to him again. But I don’t want to be the one always having to go up to him. Am I in the wrong here? Should I just wait and see if he comes up to me first? Or do I have to keep going up to him and starting conversations with him?

    • Hey Amanda,

      If you start out having to make the moves, you will always have to make the moves. You never need to show a guy you like him. It might take this guy a while to build up enough courage to actually talk to you without your assistance, but that’s not your problem. If he likes you enough, he will come to you eventually. Don’t make it easy for him – that’s why men don’t step up these days! Because they know most women will do their work for them. Don’t do his work! It’s his job to come up to you like a MAN. Get focused on someone/something else in the meanwhile.

      On Wed, Feb 5, 2014 at 12:18 PM, Let Men Chase You wrote:

      > amanda commented: “There was a guy who always stared at me whenever he > saw me, for months. There was no denying it, he was definitely looking AT > ME and he didn’t look away when I stared back. He seems to be very shy. I’m > shy too, but we have a class together and on Frida” >

      • amanda permalink

        AJ,

        Thanks for your encouraging comment! It really made me feel better…you’re right. I’m not going to concern myself with him anymore.

    • I wish this site had a forum…I would love to share all my crazy dating experiences with you girls…and I could talk about my “new attitude” ALL DAY! 🙂

  2. Mina permalink

    And really… what are the comments for if we can’t discuss what is going on in our dating lives? Even generations ago, I’m sure girls acted like a prize in front of their suitors, and giggled with other girls about their various suitors when they weren’t around? That’s all we are doing here.

    And you don’t become a “prize” overnight. It’s good to discuss the process with other women.

  3. carpe diem permalink

    No. He is not interested. Don’t any of you read his posts at all?

  4. Sara permalink

    And when they call you up after months acting like nothing happened….Do you ignore or act like you could care less and treat them like any other acquaintance?

    • Mina permalink

      The one, I’d like to know what you think (please) about this…I met a guy online right before Christmas. I did everything right. I never initiated contact, etc. Much to my delight, within the first conversation he wanted to make plans for us to have a casual lunch to meet in person. I met him at the restauraunt and we had a great time during lunch, the conversation just flowed, no weird pauses or anything. I gave him my best and full attention during our meal, and he paid for the meal. He seemed very nervous when he first saw me (which I was surprised by, since he’s an alpha type who calls a lot of shots at work…) and he seemed even more nervous when he walked me to my car. He enthusiastically said he wanted to go out again, and I said that would be great. We hugged and that was that.

      He texted me a few hours later to say he had a really good time. Then he texted me the next day to say Merry Christmas. These were just quick texts.

      THEN NOTHING from him! Until yesterday….lol. I’d actually forgot about him. He just asked how I was, and I answered a few hours later. We excahnged maybe two more texts, and that was it.

      So, does this guy sound interested at all? Is he testing me? He is the type (handsome, nice job, nice body) that a lot of women would just throw themselves at. I’m wondering if my “refuse to chase” stance is throwing him for a loop?

      • Karla permalink

        No Mina, he’s not “testing” you…he is a dick like the rest of them. He is simply too self absorbed to actually care about anyone, except for himself…… that’s why you didn’t hear from him for awhile. Know that he’s not investing a tremendous of time thinking about you….us girls like to think that men think about us in the same way that we think about them, but they don’t….they are selfish creatures for the most part. I am not a man hater, but I had to date a lot of assholes to finally found a decent guy. Keep calm and carry on sister. Your prince will come soon enough.

      • Sara permalink

        IDK Mina…I mean you guys aren’t a couple. You only went on one date. So it isn’t that crazy that he hasn’t seen you again. In the early stages, you both should be dating around. It is up to you what to do. It isn’t like you guys had sex and then he never called. You can either ignore him…or casually (not flirtatiously) respond and see what he does. If you do ever date him again…don’t have sex with him…ever…haha. Until he is practically proposing marriage…bc, seriously he has already exhibited flake behavior. Ignore some of his texts/calls and don’t act too interested. Date others. He’s probably a jerk…but he might be finally ready. The key is not caring…bc YOU are the PRIZE. When you truly have that attitude…when he finally calls you think, “Ha! See he is obsessed with me!” You have all the power in the situation, not him. This can be turned around to your advantage. Just never contact him and never asked what happened. YOU FORGOT ABOUT HIM…not the OTHER WAY AROUND. 🙂

        • Mina permalink

          Haha…Thanks Sara. I figured that since we just had one casual date, I’m not his GF, and we haven’t even kissed meant that not all hope of him being a decent guy goes out the window! I did forget about him, but I guess I’ll see if he steps up from now on out. I’d posted a comment earlier but I guess it didn’t show up – he texted me this morning asking to go out Saturday. He’s never been super chatty over text and tends to get right to the point. He said he’d been working nights and his schedule was all out of wack.

          I have a quick date with someone else tomorrow after work too…lol. So I’m not getting all worked up over this one guy. He is a cutie though. 🙂

          • Sara permalink

            In my experience, when you are the hard-to-get girl…making them do all the pursuit, not having sex with them, acting cool, etc…they ALWAYS come back! 9 times out of 10. So even if they weren’t “ready” for a relationship and freaked out, disappearing. They always end up calling or texting…even month and months later….years later. That is the point of being The Prize. It is like, you are the one girl who didn’t freak out and hunt them down…so they always stay curious about you. It is up for you to decide if he is worth another chance.. If you find out that he is a chronic player…keeping a “rotation”, you don’t give him the time of day. If he is a basic ok guy…but maybe a little stupid or relationship adverse…it doesn’t cost you anything to keep him as one of your “admirers”…As long as you are being real with yourself and getting attached to a losing prospect 🙂 LOL. Good luck!! I love this blog. It is the TRUTH girls

            • carpe diem permalink

              You girls put way too much thought into why a guy doesn’t call or text…giving him way too many excuses. “maybe its this, maybe its that” He is just plain not interested. A prize doesn’t think about him and what they can do as in “playing hard to get” to get him interested. This is what the ONE preaches over and over again. Read his blogs again. Seriously girls, quit giving the BOYS so much upper hand.

            • Sara permalink

              Yes, you are right. They aren’t interested enough. That is an obvious given. If they were, nothing in the world would stop them from pursuing you. But like “The One” says, there are lots of reasons why men don’t pursue. It isn’t just that you aren’t “his type” or he didn’t like you. It is important for women to remember this. The point is, that as the woman, you don’t care freak out when he stops pursuing…that is the worst thing to do. Look at Mr. Bingley in Pride and Prejudice for example, even though he was really in love with Jane Bennet, he freaked out bc his friends influenced him that she didn’t care for him. So he took A YEAR to come back, to apologize, and propose. But he only did this bc she kept her cool and never threw herself at him! So, anything is possible with men. One who didn’t have enough confidence to make it happen with you at one time, may all of a sudden become your dream man. It isn’t likely…but possible. Hard to get it is the same thing as being The Prize. You aren’t playing hard to get..you just are…and men ALWAYS remember that.

            • Mina permalink

              Carpe diem, i feel what you are saying, if you read my original post I said I DID FORGET about this guy and haven’t been thinking about him. No one is giving him the upper hand. I really don’t care what he’s been doing in the month that elapsed, and frankly it’s none of my business. I just thought it was weird that he popped back up, but believe me, I’m not making excuses for him. I never even asked him about where he’s been hiding, he volunteered that info. Also, if YOU read, he asked me out again, so he IS interested, otherwise he wouldn’t have done such a thing. Is there a rule that a suitor needs to ask you out every weekend? I must have missed that blog post.

              I’m not making excuses but men are not robots, life DOES get in the way of going forward with things sometimes.

      • Mina,

        First, congratulations on being a Prize Catch Date. You were certainly at your best. When he texted you afterwards, he was complimenting you and perhaps hoping you’d throw yourself at him like all the other women do. But you didn’t, bravo.

        But I am impressed you forgot about him. This shows you’re living a full life.

        A guy doesn’t “sound” interested. He is or he isn’t, by proof of offering to take you out. This absolutely must be your litmus test or you will fall into fantasy, speculation, and time-consuming analysis of a man who isn’t a suitor.

        For a lot more detailed information specific to your situation, Get In-Depth Advice Now via confidential Email Exchange, or get your secret weapon in dating when you Order EGuides Today.

        Hope to help you further!

        • Mina permalink

          Thank you, The One for the response! I am also very proud of myself, because a year ago, I definitely would NOT have been quite so forgetful about this guy. I would have been sitting at home waiting for the phone to beep, obsessing over every text. That mess is OVER! It’s not healthy behavior and takes away from your life. I think I needed to stop expecting to be “validated” by the men in my life…like, “well if he calls me, then I’m wanted and desirable” kind of thinking. How backwards is that? I don’t need validation, because me being the best woman I can be, just me living my normal, awesome life – I am already more than valid…duhh…

          He did ask me out again, on an actual date this weekend, so he’s back in suitor territory for the time being.

          How many pages long are your e-guides?

    • Sara,

      It depends on you. If you’re rusty in dating, bored out of your mind, or need to get out of the house, by all means take advantage of the opportunity and let him take you out. However, if you’re resentful, irritated, or disappointed at him because of his disappearance, you shouldn’t see him. You should cut him loose.

      Of course if he’s in and out of your life for a period of time and it’s clearly going nowhere, then you wouldn’t want to waste time on him. But it boils down to how consistent you want a suitor to be, and your tolerance for being jerked back and forth. Some might hate it, others might be okay with it because they’re too busy to notice.

      Just remember: A Prize Catch always enjoys herself on a date. Her very attitude is an important strategy, as outlined in my EGuide “After the Date, Then What?”.

      • Sara permalink

        Hey One,
        Thanks for the response. 🙂
        Actually, I was disappointed…a lot.
        But to my discredit, I think I ruined things my not acting in a “PRIZE” like manner. I actually did the exact opposite of Prize behavior. I started out as the PRIZE…he was all smitten…etc. Then, one date, he ended it early…bc of some lame reason. Anyway, instead of acting cool about it and going on with my day…I totally freaked out..and he saw me get mad. Then, I proceeded to act pouty towards him. I finally basically told him I didn’t owe him anything…ha! Well…that basically made things go bad. He contacted me sporadically and i ignored, etc. I guess I finally realize that I have been mad at myself for letting his actions make me so crazy. And also, I really believe that my behavior caused him to question everything he liked about me…and made it easy for him to just drop the whole thing. Also, I am not used to men disappearing on me…so maybe this is just an ego trip…but I did REALLY like him…and I am bored…haha. Thanks!! I really need to keep my cool…that seems to be my problem…feeling insecure. :/ At best this was a good learning experience.

        • Sara,

          You’re welcome. Yes, keep your cool. And you learned from it, so you’re better off for it!

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