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When love is not enough

July 5, 2014

Meet Jenny. She is a romantic. She believes in love. She also has a lot of love to give. One day she meets a guy named Vance at a college campus party. He asks her out on a date. She is thrilled because she finds him attractive, smart, and ambitious.

As they continue seeing each other, Jenny falls in love hard. Sometimes Vance is overwhelmed with school and his job as a store clerk and can’t go out with her. But due to the love she has for him, she doesn’t notice other men and just hangs out with her friends who get to hear all about him.

When she complains to Vance she hardly sees him, he asks her to pop over to his dorm room, citing convenience for the both of them. So she makes sure she is there otherwise she wouldn’t get to see him. When she’s there, she gives him back rubs and even has sex with him.

Two months pass and Jenny finds him taking longer and longer to call her. In fact, he wouldn’t return her texts till the next day and always has an excuse. Frustrated and angry, she confronts him at his dorm room. She tells him she doesn’t want to be put on the back burner and asks him if he met someone else. That’s when he confesses he isn’t ready to be in a relationship.

Feeling hurt and put in an awkward spot, Jenny starts arguing with him. Vance apologizes and tells her to see other guys. Later that night, Jenny is crying to her friends vowing to never go through this again. But because she doesn’t know what she did wrong and isn’t aware of what else to do, she calls Vance and leaves messages telling him she misses him and that she really wants to start fresh with him.

After five days, finally Vance calls back and explains to her he simply isn’t able to give her what she needs because he has too much on his plate. The more she questions him, the more he repeats his position. Then he says he initially just wanted to have a good time and thought she was fun to be with. But now, he realizes he doesn’t have time for a relationship.

Eventually Jenny accepts this and reluctantly says goodbye. In the next few months she tries hard to move on. She is glad they do not take classes in the same departments, so she never bumps into him. In the following school year, however, while walking by the cafeteria, she sees him holding hands with a girl. They look happy together and even kiss. Hurt and confused, she calls her friends and complains that he is a jerk.

So was Vance truly so busy and overwhelmed he couldn’t see Jenny anymore? Then why did he end up with another girl? Did he quit his store clerk job and make more time for her? What happened?

If you don’t know the answers to these questions and can’t figure out exactly what went wrong, then it is time you learn about Prize Catch behavior as explained in the EGuides.

Remember, LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. No amount of accommodating niceness from you is going to make a guy fall in love and make you exclusively his. In fact, the more you want him, the less he wants you. And it is not about being a mean bitch either.

What does it take?

Get the secret weapon in dating and relationships when you Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

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12 Comments
  1. Grateful prize permalink

    Hello all,

    Just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to The One for writing this blog. Reading it has saved me from countless follies. For instance, following the phone number rule has been very helpful. I no longer consider guys who offer their number and don’t ask for mine. On all occasions, I later found out they were in a relationship. All occasions. No matter how much attention he gave.

    I also no longer consider guys who stare at me without approaching and asking my name and number. There’s a reason why they don’t ask. I once found out that a guy at a cafe who literally won’t stop “checking me out” (to the point where it became embarrassing), had a girlfriend. Not only was he a DJ, but he also lived off his girlfriend too. She gave him pocket money and he screwed around a lot.

    I am also grateful to not be tempted to make the first move. I went on a date with a beautiful English man who knelt down and said “is it idolatrous of me to adore you like this?” He then tried to come back home with me and (just) cuddle. I politely declined. He said everything to impress me including “I just sold my house, I own my own business and just opened a satellite office abroad, I go to church, I went to British boarding school, I am a Duke…” When none of that worked he promised to write me letters (since he was moving back home to England the next day). I still declined and waved him an adieu with a smile and a kiss. Of course he didn’t send me letters and I didn’t bother giving it another thought.

    Now, there is another beautiful English man I met on a date in February. He is 5 years younger than me (I worry about the age gap), he is 26, very sensible, runs his own business, complete gentleman. I met him for a coffee. Only that one coffee. Since then, I would get an email here and there with forwards or links to articles related to my work or to his business and the possibility of moving to where I live. Nothing personal at all. Now he is moving this month and wants to go on a date in a couple of weeks. Everything is simple, and straight forward. I am going to continue to watch for actions not words and thankful for The One for helping me see the light and saving me from heartache.

    • Grateful Prize,

      I am thrilled to hear how this blog has helped you. Thank you for sharing your experiences with men who stare or flirt but end up being time wasters. You have saved yourself from not just heartache, but possibly years of grief!

      Congratulations on nailing down quintessential Prize Catch behavior. Sounds like you know the material inside out and know exactly what to do.

      Keep juggling those suitors and handling them with finesse!

      • Grateful prize permalink

        Thank you. I will keep juggling and waiting for them to prove themselves rather than assuming who they are or what their intentions are. Before reading your blog I wasted my early 20s living with someone who later became my (reluctant -although he denies it) fiance. After leaving him (because I wasn’t convinced he was 100%) committed, I started dating – wait for it- An unemployed 30 something year old actor, who lived with his mum and smoked weed every day. The “from frying pan to fire” analogy comes to mind. It took me a year to get over the 4-month whatever-that-was. I had to ignore his calls and texts for about 8 months before he finally let go. These were all empty messages – none asking to meet for a date. Just the usual drill (I miss you, you know how I feel about you, we should do coffee sometime…) :s

        Reading your blog helped me see the riff-raff from the genuine article. I call it laser sharp vision (lol). I can now open up, be friendly, happy, and be loving to everyone without worrying that I will fall for them because when the suitor that suits me comes along, I will recognize him. I’ve learned the hard way but as you pointed out, self worth attracts good treatment and this applies to every relationship. My network of friends has grown, people say I inspire them (hahaha), I am just a much happier person… Thanks so much The One. You have changed my life for the better and given me peace. Will keep you posted.x

        • Grateful Prize,

          Yes, do keep us posted! I always emphasize that the race to the trophy should be as nice as the trophy itself. You have proven it can be done based on your own journey, by enjoying your life and being happy, and having “suitor-recognition capabilities”.

          Keep up the good work!

    • moonbeam permalink

      Where are you finding these beautiful English men, or rather, where are they finding you? 🙂 It doesn’t sound like you’re in England. I love an English accent lol

      • Grateful prize permalink

        I live as an expat in Asia, but I’ve found that the best place to meet someone or rather anyone is by just having fun, going out with friends, smiling at the world, and doing what you love. 🙂

  2. Rosa permalink

    I enjoyed this blog at first until it seemed apparent that The One has been very hurt in the past and has turned this blog into a platform for resentment vested in advice, which is absolutely well meant but I still believe the One is such a great, intelligent and wise woman and she shouldn’t waste any more of her precious time in trying to guide us to the fact that at any age, men will always value the woman that us mysterious and elusive no matter how good or not so good she is, it’s this incomprehensible nature of men and it will never ever change. You got it so right when you said that we still need to mysterious when men are in love with us. So I ask myself why waste any more energy and instead, we should just chill, enjoy life pursuing dreams, discovering new places, writing new stories and just using our imagination. You have given us great insight. I am waiting for your next blog because life is short. Thank you

  3. onceajenny permalink

    And I was once a Jenny! Sigh*

  4. Anne permalink

    I just found this, I thought I would share with you:

    http://elisaveta.tumblr.com/post/3421290205/the-mind-set-of-a-man-what-drives-men

    The difference between a man’s love and a woman’s love. Women should learn this difference, because it helps a lot to read men’s mind.

    Enjoy! 🙂

  5. Eloina permalink

    I was a Jenny once. Problem is we women always want to make it work and get too caught up in our own turmoil of thinking and feeling, when actually all we should do is just see what he does regardless of his circumstances, because if a man wants something he would do whatever it takes to get it, just as we do to keep it…

    • So true! That is why I always advise everyone to WATCH and OBSERVE and use that to base one’s decisions. Glad you learned and are no longer in that painful place.

  6. thenarcissistwrites permalink

    Very true, love isn’t enough.

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