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The importance of being authentic

August 26, 2014

Being a Prize Catch isn’t a show. That is why I hesitate to identify famous role models for you to emulate. I don’t know their inner lives, and that is what this is all about: the INNER YOU that directs your outer world and behavior.

When reading the EGuides, start with your core being:

  • How do you feel about yourself and your life?
  • What do you deserve?
  • Do you take responsibility for yourself and your behavior?
  • Do you blame others for how you feel?
  • Do you believe you always have a choice?
  • Do you want to co-create a beautiful relationship with a man, or do you want to use him as an emotional and social crutch?

When you can feel good and deserving, able to wield power in choosing, you can then INTERNALIZE Prize Catch principles.

– You can then BE a Prize Catch without having to ACT like one.

– You can then LET GO of men you are attracted to if they don’t pursue.

– You can monopolize your time with things that are good and healthy for you so a man only serves to enhance your life, not toxify it.

– You can live a Prize Catch lifestyle that feels natural to you based on your personal preferences.

– You can decline offers that don’t value you and accept ones that do — without doubting yourself and backtracking.

– You can gain confidence without conceit, gain ease without inertia, yet stay friendly without being overly zealous.

Without starting with YOU and working out the kinks in YOU, you end up lonely and needy, angry and frustrated, or jump from one guy to the next until you run out of them.

Even if you and some guy start out with great chemistry, you need to know how to SUSTAIN it. Getting a brand new car might make you happy, but without maintaining it, it won’t last.

Why suffer from heartbreak unnecessarily? And why do so over and over?

You owe it to yourself to live a happy, meaningful life. It begins with INTERNALIZING the principles so the steps outlined in the EGuides aren’t done robotically and mechanically, like reciting a bunch of rules.

Dig deep and REFLECT, then come from WITHIN so your behavior is an authentic representation of who you are.

Then watch the results unfold and ENJOY.

Get the secret weapon in dating and relationships when you Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

 

 

 

 

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25 Comments
  1. I am seriously being schooled here. The One, you freakin rock, your words descend like revelation. You honestly have no idea how Overjoyed/relieved/ecstatic I am that I found your guidance. I’ve read your entire blog and will get your eguide soon.

    I’ve been crushing really hard on a guy who seems like the male version of me, its a compatibility dream. He’s been checking me out like an Eagle on a target and I’ve been fluttering around as I am a natural Prize catch but sometimes doubt myself as I’ve recently divorced my husband of 10 years because he wasn’t treating me like the Prize catch that I believe with all humility that I have worked hard to develop and become.

    So This guy isn’t making a move because he sadly has a girlfriend but in all honesty I was about to ask him out being the successful alpha female and maker-happener that I am. But I stopped myself and told myself that I am worth being pursued and if a guy won’t for whatever reason then he’s not my type. I was married to a beta male and it was frustrating and exhausting to say the least and I’ll never invest that much in a guy who doesn’t have balls to be the maker-happener in his own life.

    So yes, I dig this guy and he knows were frighteningly compatible personality wise, social interaction, dressing, music wise etc, because he’s been watching me for ages and he cant keep his eyes off me, he’s even for the first time, in probably ages (as he’s a good looking alpha male DJ and social bomb) really afraid of me and avoids talking due to his nervousness around me, he’s afraid of showing too much and screwing up. but I just play it cool, smile, make small friendly chit chat, eye contact and make sure I’m always where he will be (coincidentally, of course).

    If he really believes I’m the Prize catch worth hunting then he will in all honesty dump his girlfriend for me. simple. I am tired of over analyzing and waiting for him to make a move though, even though its obvious he likes me.

    Your blog in all truth has emancipated me from the mental shackles of fantasising about him and having sleepless nights dreaming about him and waiting for him. I think together we’d set the world on fire because of our electric personalities but I now know that if he doesn’t man up to the challenge of pursuing me I will move on with my life, turning sand into stars by myself without waiting or obsessing or craving because I know how awesome I am and how happy I could make a man, I say this with no conceit, I just need a man to make me happy first, and if that means backing off, I will, I need to give myself a break and let myself be woo’ed.

    What a relief reading your articles, it resonates with my badass yet feminine nature and it makes me feel whole, worthwhile, worth pursuing and puts that terrible voice of scarcity in my head to rest. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You really have done a service to human kind!!!
    Have a smashing life The One!!

    • Qudsiamall,

      Wow, what a huge compliment from you. Makes me feel this blog is worth keeping around!

      I’m so glad it has shaken you out of unprizeworthy thoughts. Remember, your worth never depends on a man’s attention, no matter who he is and how you feel about him. Your worth does not fluctuate based on what he’s doing or not doing. It is based on a steadfast belief inside no one can take away!

      I congratulate you. Thank you for reading and posting!

  2. NinaNina permalink

    thumbs up for the short and sweet tweet : )

    —> “No man can fill that hole in your heart. Neither can you fill the hole in his. Dysfunctional relationships are the result from this attempt.”

    Oh man.. the myth is out there still. Whoever created the myth, look at what he/she has done to the world lols
    women become cheaper than that of sweet candy on the counter at the cashier and passive men become the priceless diamond women can’t leave without ***thumbs down

    I hope at least soon there’s a movie that show the dynamic of a relationship like what your tweet says. The man and the woman already a complete whole and then only the relationship started to develop – naturally.

  3. Amie permalink

    Dear One Truth,

    Honestly I can’t thank you enough for all the comprehensive advice that you give. It is practical and will definitely help prevent a lot of heartache. I had a query regarding a situation – should you ever go back to an ex? If so then in what circumstances? Also if you are currently in a relationship with a guy who adores you but the chemistry is not that great, and your ex comes back (who didn’t cherish you back then) and now wants to be with you truly and has long term plans in mind.. What should a girl do in such a situation? Would love to hear your thoughts on it!

    Thanks
    Amie

    • Amie,

      Glad you find my advice helpful! Your situation is a tough one. The problem is it is impossible to predict if your ex is genuinely able to cherish you from now on and won’t revert back to his old ways. However, if you don’t feel sufficient chemistry with the guy you are with right now (Guy B), it won’t work either.

      Chemistry with your ex can also wane, in which case he doesn’t come out ahead of Guy B.

      For now, see if you can try to get over your ex because he did hurt you and is proven capable of that. You don’t need him in and out of your life preventing you from focusing on a better relationship. Stay with Guy B, and see if you can develop chemistry for him. Chemistry isn’t always physical. It’s mind over matter sometimes too.

      If you can have chemistry with Guy B, he is the better deal. Your ex is a risk no matter how you look at it.

      • Amie permalink

        Thanks One Truth for helping me clear my thoughts.

        With Guy A there where immense highs and worse lows, like a roller coaster ride. But Guy B is balanced. There might be lack of chemistry but I know he will always be there for me come what may. He has seen me at my worst and still loves me. And he doesn’t play mind games either.
        Guy A already had a chance and he lost me, didn’t he? Actions often speak louder than words. People show you who they really are, and he already did that by leaving me once.

        Thank you once again helping me make up my mind. There were problems with Guy A the last time around. And people really don’t change. I think I can do without the emotional drama!

        Amie

  4. Rosa permalink

    Hi The One,
    Hope you are having a nice week. Yesterday I read about a woman in India that was attacked by a leopard and fought with him until she was the one who survived. I tried to imagine the strength she needed for keeping up with the wounds while more were being made on her skin and I then thought that maybe it is very possible to continue fighting even when you’re still bleeding and guess, little by little I realised that for every man that wounded you, there’s at least ten trying to do something nice like holding a door, smiling, saying something encouraging or complimenting you in some way….but funny how we keep bleeding and missing small things around us like those little gestures from complete strangers.

    • Rosa,

      Yes, there are plenty of nice men. They just may not come in the exact package women like, but they do exist. Glad you are able to notice and appreciate.

  5. Rosa permalink

    Hi The One,
    Hope you had a nice weekend.Thanks for precious advice.Being on my own in a foreign country requires a lot of strength. I am glad you remind me of my family values when they’re far away and thanks to your blog, I am saving both my family and myself from an unnecessary headache. Next! 😉 have a great week!

    • Rosa,

      Have a nice week too! Glad you are finding the blog useful and helpful. Thank you very much for continuing to read it. No more headaches!

      Being on your own is not easy. I admire you for being strong!

      • Rosa permalink

        Thank you very much for your words. I am sure your wisdom came from the strength you needed to have to overcome unnecessary wounds caused at you. Thanks again and have a great weekend!
        Rosa

  6. Anne permalink

    Dear One Truth

    I always wondered,
    what kind of women are for whom Prize Catch behaviour comes as ‘natural’ (ie. they approach dating exactly the same way, but without reading your blog)?
    I.e. what does it take for one to follow your advices ‘unconsciously’ without reading any material on dating? Trial and error?
    For example, i can imagine that there are some women who dont need these advices, because for them this is natural anyways.
    What do these women DO or what kind of upbringing/environment they had (family/friends), that they internalized this behaviour?

    For example: conservative family, independent personality, down to earth, etc. Or is it less about the environment/upbringing, and more like a learning curve for everyone? 🙂

    Thanks

    • Anne,

      Conservative or old-fashioned upbringing does produce such women. The years of conditioning since childhood allow them to be natural and authentic at it. Not only that, but they have social access to men with similar upbringing so there is no misinterpretation of gender behavior. No EGuides are necessary!

      But that isn’t the reality for a lot of women today. The blurring of the lines make everything confusing. A lot of young men today have never even taken anyone out for a date but they sleep around.

      You don’t have to be conservative culturally, but you have to be conservative sexually to be a Prize Catch natural.

      Trial and error end up being the way to go for most. But it requires a lot of time to figure out and get right. Why reinvent the wheel? Hence this blog.

      Perhaps others can pipe in.

  7. Mimi permalink

    Hi the One,

    The other day, I thought about your blog and the message that it sends to women out there…I come to make a comment today, and what do you know, a new article is up!

    The title of this new post is very fitting for the thoughts I’d like to share with you. Yes, being authentic is extremely important, I totally agree. But, I am having a hard time about the message of both being authentic and acting like you don’t like someone.

    For the sake of authenticity, you probably SHOULDN’T act like you don’t like a guy simply to raise your value. Doing that just seems artificial, to me. If you are truly high value. it will show. Being authentic means if you like him – then like him. Not, if you like him, go take a class and get busy with other things, or go off and sit pretty while you wait for him to ask you out.

    Yes, you should have a life. No, you should not revolve your world around a guy. But what is wrong with liking someone and making it known? Sitting up on a pedestal, waiting for a guy to read your mind and ask you out on an official date can be counter-productive!

    Liking a guy, looking at him, making it a little obvious by being coy/flirty with him, giving him hints about asking you out, etc. are all OK in my book and don’t fall under “chasing”. If you drop hints, and he still doesn’t make a move, well, then at that point you can move on.

    I’m worried that some women might make the same mistakes I did when first stumbling across your blog, and take the completely passive route to finding love. I am no longer convinced this is the way to go. Your blog still has great info to women about not chasing men…but in my experience, following your advice to a “T” backfired. As such:

    I met a guy. We clicked, he pursued me, asked me out, we went on dates. I accepted all his invites, but I barely paid him any attention in between dates, and I never told him that I liked him. We had great conversations when together, and we both thought it might go somewhere. I did my “princess” thing (while still being very appreciative of his efforts). Fast forward a month or so. We spent a weekend together. I let him pay for everything, although I did cook him a hot meal a few times. The following week he dumped me like a bad habit because I never offered to pay for anything, and since I didn’t call him or text him after we returned home, he thought I didn’t really like him as a person and just used him for free meals and so forth. He never answered the phone, after that, and it broke my heart.

    I vowed to myself that I would at least offer, going forward. Soooo..after this happened, I ended up touching base with a guy I’d had one date with, who seemed to like me a whole lot, but never really pursued me after our first date several months prior. It was weird – this guy would always text me on holidays and even remembered my birthday, but he never asked me out for date #2. I actually have a diary entry where I wrote him off as “very hot, but not interested”.

    Well, one day, I think it was Memorial day, he texted me (seriously – who texts “happy memorial day” to someone??? haha) and instead of me being nonchalant and giving him a generic “aww, thank you!” reply, I told him that with the hot weather approaching he should do all us ladies a favor and walk around shirtless (he has a nice body and obviously works really hard in the gym). I even asked for a pic of his abs…lol.

    Guess what I got the next day? A formal invite for a date! FINALLY! I just about fell out from disbelief.

    We have been going out four months now, and now that I know him much better, I know that he is introverted and very concerned about rejection. He told me that he had the biggest crush on me for several months, but thought I was way out of his league. You would never know this, just looking at him, because he is smoking HAWT, with a good job, no kids and a brain. All he needed was my opening, and he’s taken things from there.

    I broke a few other rules, too. I slept with him without a formal commitment, probably too soon by most people’s standards. I stay the night over his place maybe twice a week. I text him when I feel like it, even if its to say “just thinking about you”. I’ve invited him to events. I’ve asked him if he wants to meet up after work. I usually drive to his house for dates instead of insisting that he pick me up all the time – his house is huge and much nicer than mine, and from a logistics standpoint, it just makes more sense for me to drive over there – he lives in a area with great nightlife where you can walk everywhere, I do not.

    Despite breaking all these rules, he still treats me very well, opens doors, pays for dates, does exactly what he says he will, respects me – and, even brought up the exclusive thing yesterday.

    So, all in all – this just goes to show…there is more than one way to get your guy 🙂

    • Mimi,

      Thanks very much for sharing your experiences. I am happy things worked out for you finally.

      I never want to say the way I advocate is the only way ever. It’s just that knowing what I know about human nature — gender nature to be specific — once you establish a pattern from the beginning, such as initiating, paying equally, and having sex without exclusivity, it becomes almost impossible to reverse things later if you ever need to.

      I hope he does make you exclusive and keep cherishing you. You deserve it!

      It’s just that I have seen cases (in real life, not just by the emails I get), where when the “honeymoon” period is over, men start slacking off. This is also when women will often end up doing EVERYTHING just to keep the relationship the way it used to be.

      I suppose my advice may be too stringent in terms of making sure you don’t get slackers, now or the future. Of course, there are always exceptions, and hopefully yours is one!

      But given the times today where as you have experienced, men are on alert about being taken for a ride and won’t step up without guarantees, I completely sympathize and understand why you felt you had to do what you did. And while I don’t blame you for it, I want to make everyone aware that choice comes with consequences: that following Prize Catch principles may possibly risk losing the chance of having a guy who might end up being the right one, yet NOT following the principles also has risks — risking spending years of your life emotionally on a guy who can’t cherish you LONG-TERM. In which case, you end up having to start all over again.

      Still, I encourage everyone to explore the EGuides and try them, tweak them as fitting to their situation if they must, and see how they work. In my own estimation, it is far better at least to have a set of guidelines to work with than to operate blindly and haphazardly.

      Regarding the guy who lost interest because you didn’t reciprocate enough, in the EGuide on reciprocation I discourage COMPETING with a guy. I never say not to pay for dates when reciprocating. But if your home cooked meals — which in my opinion take a lot more effort and time than paying for a bill at a restaurant — are insufficient in his esteem, then he lacks what it takes to truly cherish you.

      I just tend to be more concerned with the staying power of men who need a lot of assurances and effort from women.

      At any rate, congratulations and best wishes going forward.

      • Mimi permalink

        Thank you! And you have raised some really good points. Regarding the guy I cooked for – you are so right. Of course, when he dumped me I was seriously heartbroken, but in hindsight – cooking for a guy is a big deal and does take a lot of effort, much more than paying a bill. He showed no appreciation for that. Also, my thoughts are that someone who truly wanted to be with me would have had a conversation about what I was doing “wrong”, before just dumping me out the blue. Communication is just so very important.

        I always say – everything happens for a reason! Had that guy not dumped me, I wouldn’t be with this new guy – who appreciates me and honestly, I have more fun with him anyway.

        Your blog has helped me tremendously, in finding that happy medium in dating, even if I took some of your message the wrong way initially. And I know you will help many more women…we are conditioned to do too much, especially in the beginning of relationships, when the guy hasn’t even proven himself! I don’t think there is anything wrong with unconditional love, as long as your needs are being met!

        Even if your advice is very stringent, it’s still better to err on the side of NOT getting involved with slackers.

        I think the key to being authentic and presenting yourself as a valuable woman is to simply NOT put up with behavior you are not cool with. I think men will treat you the way you allow them to, at the end of the day. Also, you can’t act like he is the means to your end…I think that just invites being taken for granted.

        • Anne permalink

          ”I think the key to being authentic and presenting yourself as a valuable woman is to simply NOT put up with behavior you are not cool with. I think men will treat you the way you allow them to, at the end of the day. Also, you can’t act like he is the means to your end…I think that just invites being taken for granted.”

          So true. This is the key I think too. 🙂

        • Mimi,

          So glad this blog has helped you find that happy medium. I very much appreciate your message of authenticity to all!

  8. NinaNina permalink

    Always beautiful words from The One.

  9. Rosa permalink

    BRAVO! Have a wonderful week!

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