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Some guys settle too

July 5, 2015

A guy who doesn’t value you won’t treat you right, even if he marries you. That’s right. Guys settle too for less.

Here’s a secret:

  • There are men out there who will settle even if they aren’t in love with the woman and don’t think she’s the cat’s meow.
  • They will marry a woman even if they don’t think she’s that attractive. They have to coax themselves to perform in bed so they don’t get found out.
  • There are even men who marry their best friends only to discover they can’t keep pretending there is chemistry, despite strong emotional bonds.

This eventually causes heartache and tears, at a time of your life (when you’re much older) when the last thing you need is to have the love of your life expose himself as a fraud.

Men settle for pretty much the same reasons women do:

  • There are no other options at the moment. (Their dream girl hasn’t shown up — you may be the best they’ll ever get, they fear.)
  • They are already attached to you. (It’s too much of a hassle to break it off with you and move on.)
  • They are in denial or in ignorance of who they are and what they really want.
  • They lack confidence in getting what they really want and believe they don’t deserve a woman who is a better match.

All of the above can be avoided if you as the woman simply become a Prize Catch. How? Train yourself via the EGuides.

A man who manages to reel in a Prize Catch is a man who knows what he wants. He is seriously in love and in for the long haul. Translation:

He can see himself staying in love with a woman for the rest of his life. He wants her not because he isn’t lucky enough to meet his dream girl. He wants her because he met his dream girl. He knows it and he makes sure you do too!

Be a Prize Catch today. Eliminate the settlers. Avoid unnecessary grief.

Get the secret weapon in dating and relationships when you Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

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25 Comments
  1. Belinda permalink

    One,
    A guy that had a huge crush on me in HS contacted me in late March. He wanted to get together with me when he was in my town in July… He contacted me via a social media site. We exchanged a few messages and he left his email and number. Anyway…I just told him to let me know when he was in the area, but I didn’t give him my number or email. (bc I thought he should actually ASK for it). I haven’t heard from him at all! Did I blow him off? Should I try reaching out now? Thanks!

    • Belinda,

      No, you didn’t blow him off. He didn’t want to see you enough to carry out the plan, if he had any in the first place. So his limitations tell you what you need to know, that he isn’t 100% keen on seeing you because something better might come up. You shouldn’t be an afterthought or a last-minute option.

      A guy who is seriously interested in seeing you would either ask for your phone number so he can get a hold of you later, or right away type a social media message, “Hey, I’ll be in your town on Thursday. Can we go out Friday night?” He wouldn’t leave it all up in the air. He would take advantage of being in contact with you right then and there, if he is too scared to ask for your number.

      Making a date happen is the ultimate test to see what a guy is made of. If he has no problems securing a job interview, he shouldn’t have a problem securing a date with you. And if he can’t do the latter, you want nothing to do with him.

      Remember, it doesn’t matter why the date didn’t happen. You didn’t turn him down. You already agreed. He only made a suggestion, and didn’t bother following through.

      You want a guy who can chase you to the end, not throw you a bait and disappear.

      • Belinda permalink

        Thanks,
        I agree. However, he did offer his number, etc and according to “The Rules” if a guy offers his number online, it is OK to put yours down. It seems like this is how men do the number thing these days…it’s actually endemic. They all do this online or via email. It’s like they never actually want to write, “What’s your number?” It is such a change from even 5 years ago. Anyway. He wasn’t going to be in town for like 4 months allegedly from the date he contacted me. I don’t understand why he even bothered to reach out to me at all. I think bc it had been soo much time ( 10 years), and I didn’t disclose at all what my dating/relationship status is (while he did) he may have been playing it cool. I digress. I ended up reaching out bc I was just too curious!! I know it’s bad, but I gave in to the impulse. The whole thing just brought up so many old memories in general (not specifically him, but for old times). I reached out via email bc another friend from high school was visiting me and I relayed the story to her…haha. So I acted in the moment. Anyway…he took many hours to respond and said that he is going to come my way soon and “maybe” we could meet up then. (Super-non-committal). And I gave a super non-committal answer of “sounds good”. SO yeah, it seems like a bust all around. If he does come to town, I am not sure I should even see him. He lives like 12 hours away and I don’t see any kind of relationship forming other than casual friendship. I can only assume that he had been doing some kind of “soul searching” and I was one of the “regrets” from the past that he needed “closure” on or something like this?? But I knew that he wasn’t going to ask me out for “Friday Night” because he lives super far away…..I’d say overall..I was pretty disinterested given all the other stuff he wrote in our correspondences and he figured it was a waste of time. So yeah, I caved, but on the other hand…I’m not very interested either so it doesn’t matter?? Right? LOL. I guess now I never will know if he would have tried to contact me again (I’m guessing he wasn’t) Thanks. I don’t know if how I explained the situation makes any sense.

        • carpe diem permalink

          Hey Belinda, So I think we as females give men so many excuses or conjure up things in our minds about why this and why that. We wouldn’t be doing that if in the first place the man was obviously interested by calling, asking, planning and following through. The action shows the interest not the words. I met this man. We went on a date. Had a great time. He said things that told me he was interested. He asked me out for Friday. I said okay. If I didn’t hear from him by no later than Wednesday i would decline even if I had no plans. So check it out. He calls Friday afternoon asking if I was still interested in going out, no plans, and would I be willing to go to his area. Hell no! I returned his phone call and nicely said I had other plans. No further word from him. Which was fine with me. If he was really interested tho he would have called earlier and had plans made. He would have wanted to show me a good time and impress me. Even if the guy was gorgeous and I really liked him I would never be his last minute plans. That is rude and disrespectful of me and my time. If he wants to see you he will make sure of it, he wouldnt want someone like you to get away. Teach a man how to treat you .

          • Belinda permalink

            Yes. I agree with everything you said. I always do The Rules/prize catch behavior. I only made this exception BC of the whole HS thing and curiosity. I really was never very interested in him way back then…but I was super curious. I always heard rumors about how he was “in love with me” back then…so when I heard from him now…I was shocked.

            • carpe diem permalink

              Yeah, I totally get it. I probably would have done the same thing. Just for curiosity and history sake. Not to the marry the guy or anything. I was just making a generalized statement above. Take care

            • Belinda permalink

              Thanks Carpe Diem,
              You definitely did the right thing in your situation, as described.
              Good luck dealing with all the lame men out there 🙂

          • Carpe Diem,

            You showed true discipline! Congratulations. Everything you said is spot on.

            A guy who waits till the last minute does so in case something better comes up. It means he’d rather let you get away than miss out on something else. That automatically means you’re not a priority. Next!

        • Belinda,

          I understand your position very well. Honestly, I’d rather you found out this way so you at least know and can move on, than wonder and fret what you should have or shouldn’t have done, which can haunt you forever. You’ve crossed all the t’s and dotted all the i’s, and can be at peace with it.

          Getting your phone number is not necessary at all to secure a date with you if he had other means such as social media to reach you. So not having your number should not have deterred him (if he was interested), and definitely wasn’t the reason he didn’t follow through.

          I always say to attribute lack of follow-through as lack of sufficient interest, because that’s really the only thing you need to know. Anything else really doesn’t make a difference in dating progress. It just causes you to lose princess sleep!

          Remember also that when you practice the Prize Catch behavior (outlined in my EGuides), you become more confident. That’s just how it works, especially when you witness the results firsthand. Every situation you’re in offers you the chance to practice being a Prize Catch. It’s not about being perfect, but about doing it enough where you become comfortable responding that way without a second thought.

  2. belleza permalink

    That is what i felt too, the maternal feeling, he seems to look for female comfort..i have been reading à lot of articles on commitment phobia, and he fits the profile to a T. I have been talking to therapists and relationship experts and he fits the mold, very troubled and sad. I couldnt be his friend, it would hurt to much…the silence is a very common trait, there’s a push pull characteristic. Its very eye opening.

    • belleza permalink

      I sent à text saying that i hope one day he will talk to me, even if there is no intrest. Im here if he needed to talk. No hard feelings…he texted back saying ” is it cool if were just friends” i said i want to talk about everything. I asked à question and he hasnt responded, except to say he was at the pub.

      • Belleza,

        Please remember that you shouldn’t try to be his friend or therapist. That is a two-way path to nowhere except deep pain for you. All you get out of helping him and making him feel better about himself is constant, painful reminders that he cannot love you back. That is very hurtful to yourself.

        Being attracted to a guy who can’t love you properly means you don’t love yourself properly. He is just a manifestation of how you feel about you.

        Love yourself, and you will be attracted to a guy who knows how to love you too.

        • belleza permalink

          I agree, I haven’t texted or called him since he wasn’t willing to talk about what happened…I wanted a reason. I’m not getting one from him so I won’t be in his life, even as a friend. It would be way to painful. Thank you for you’re help with this. I’m trying to move on

        • belleza permalink

          I feel like I do love myself..I seem to meet guys like this a lot. They don’t want to commit or know what they are looking for…or are drinkers. I don’t get it…I’m a pretty cool lady and I’m fun to be around, I have a lot of positive people in my life who are decent and care about me, I meet these guys, and as I get to know them, they turn out like this.

  3. belleza permalink

    Also does he mean it when he says that he wishes he could change who and how he is, that he may actually have wanted à relationship but cant get close? He really opened up out it( when drinking) wanting one.

    • Belleza,

      He is probably just echoing what everyone has told him to do. But talking about it is one thing, doing it is another. It is very difficult to do it on his own. He needs professional help.

      Consciously he is aware of what he needs to do. Subconsciously he finds it impossible. We all do that sometimes. A good example is agreeing to go somewhere we’re invited to, when we don’t want to go. When push comes to shove, our bodies won’t budge. We find ourselves immobilized.

      That’s where he’s at. Whatever issues he has inside, he is filled with terrible, unspeakable pain. His chosen escape method is alcohol. It masks those feelings inside and allows him to experience superficial elation temporarily.

      He can’t be in a relationship because he will have to get close to a woman. She will have to find out all about him. He doesn’t want the ugliness of how he feels exposed. To be vulnerable to a woman on a consistent basis requires opening up. That is like death to him.

      • belleza permalink

        I agree with this and thought the same thing, i believe what he told me when he was drinking is what he wants, but doing it, freaks him out. I sent him à few text messages when this first happened, he wont answer me…i feel like he gates me. Why is he being silent? I know contact with him is something i am to avoid, but i feel like on a caring person level, if he nerfs help i would help him. A theripst mentioned that it culd possibley be because he cant deal with my feelings, and he may have feelings for me but theres À risk of getting close and commitment. I just dont like thinking that he hates me. I care deeply for him as i would any of my friends…even tho he doesnt deserve it.

  4. belleza permalink

    I have à dating situation, which in no means makes me a prize catch. At this point i realize this is à guy who isnt à good suitor…but i fell for him. Im asking youre opnion on it…you will see him as à time waster, but i would like youre honest opnion on it. I met him on a dating site, we met and hit it off, he knows some of the people i know, we go to the same music shows and have everything in common. He told me he has met other girls off the dating site and they are completly different in person, with me i was perfect for him, we saw each other every weekend, he phoned texted and included me in all of his plans, i met his close friends he met mine…he drinks and would open up about his feelings when he was drinking. When he was sober he was more to himself and quite. The chemistry between was strong and we could talk. One night he told me that he grew up with alcoholic parents and his dad was physically abusive to his mom and him..when he got to be big enough, he would fight his dad…his mom died 4 years ago of liver disease and it has really effected him, he was very close to her. He was crying when he told me. We wre getting closer, and another night when he had been drinking, he told me he wished he could change who he was and how he he has commitment issues because of his past and it takes him time, he wants à relationship with me and wants me. We talked about not talking to other people, i aked him the next day to remind him and he seemed fine with it.Another time he was drinking he told me that he has pattern of dating à lady, sleeping with her then leaving., i asked what do i do if he does this, he said to just text him..he said he didnt want that to happen with me so we took sexual stuff very slow and didnt sleep with each other. I met one of his close female friends that he did this too,( they were better off friends) she said he spent the night talking about how great i am and how he really likes me….We decided to wait till he felt ready,he was still going on the dating site tho…i believe because it is safe for him, and from what theripsts have said theres no risk of commitment to him …he kept saying he wouldnt he leave, but here i am and he left. Its been 2 weeks with no word, i texted just to express my feelings. But im heartbroken….time waster or not, i fell for this guy. Im just as broken…im just wondering what your view is on this….not about me sleeping like à princess

    • Belleza,

      You’re in a lot of pain right now because you got emotionally attached to a guy who isn’t capable of being in a committed relationship. Please don’t be in contact with him anymore. The more you are, the more you are opening the door for him to hurt you over and over. Closing it shut is not easy but at least you can stop the incessant wounding he has been doing to you.

      Meanwhile, allow yourself to grieve. Don’t blame yourself, just allow yourself to express your feelings safely. Please get the EGuide “Get Over Him & Detoxify” which shows you how to do so. This also serves as a way to occupy yourself with something constructive and positive.

      Save my comment and when you’re ready, come back to read it again. You will eventually get over him, but you must learn from your mistakes.

      What are mistakes? Mistakes are things you do that cause pain to yourself or to others. The only way to rectify your mistakes is to learn from them and do things differently so you don’t cause yourself pain again.

      This guy doesn’t need a girlfriend. He needs a good addiction counselor, group therapy, or check into rehab. He needs professional intervention if he is not able to stop his addiction. He also stays on the dating site because he is trying to feed his insatiable need for validation that he hasn’t learned to give himself.

      You’ve seen one casualty already — his female “friend” who is an ex. You’re the other casualty.

      Someone who throws something good away all the time is a very dangerous man. Stay away from him if you have any shred of self-preservation.

      You fell for him. That’s your emotions doing the talking. Your mind needs to get involved too, not just your emotions. Your mind should alert you when you see red flags, such as the drinking and what he said about his pattern of dumping women after sleeping with them. Those signal to you loud and clear as if to say, “Hey, I am an alcoholic incapable of loving you properly and I will dump you just like I did all the others after you invest your feelings in me.”

      At the end, red flags mean pain down the road. And the deeper your emotions get, the more pain guaranteed.

      Your mind collects data while your emotions feel. As humans, we can’t help feeling how we feel. But that is where our mental faculties come in to assist so we don’t blindly follow someone into the abyss.

      Being in love with the wrong guy (whether he’s an addict, an abuser, a player, or a married man) is like following him in the dark toward the edge of a dangerous cliff. Looking at it this way, the costs are too great to justify being with a guy based on how you feel about him.

      Honor your heart, but use your wisdom.

      • belleza permalink

        Thank you, very well put and i agree 100%. I saw the red flags, knew the signs yet my emotions took over. So he is most likely going to do this with the next girl….i have stopped contact, Its been 2 weeks. I keep thinking he is going to find à great girl and actually change how he is…i wanted that to be me Im not sure if he will or can change, he seems to not know who he is and theres a sense of sadness that i see. I kept thinking i did something wrong but i know its really him. I think he freaked when he got to close…either way Thank you for your advice. It is very helpful to read

        • Belleza,

          You’re welcome! I’m glad you’re not in contact with him anymore. No girl is going to change him. He has to do it himself now and into the future, if he wants to ever get into a stable relationship of any kind. So don’t think it’s something you did or didn’t do, or that you weren’t good enough.

          Being in a relationship with an addict is asking for problems. Avoid it at all costs!

          • belleza permalink

            He seems to have quite à few female friends, he seems to like the attention of females, i believe its for comfort and to fill an empty void, plus its safe for him because there is no risk of commitment. I could be wrong. À few of his male friends that i met, still talk to me and we became friends, one mentioned that he may have à drinking problem..but didnt want to say to much because they are friends. If anything i would like to be there for him, but not if theres other girls. I used his phone once, and saw à bunch of texts from girls from the dating site, even tho he was with me( our relationship, wasnt defined) …he was still talking to them. He said that we didnt have the were not going to talk to anyone else talk..so we did..that was the last weekend i saw him or heard from him.

            • He might be needing maternal love, and that is why he has so many female friends. Being his friend so you can help him while feeling the way you do about him will make you feel used at the end.

              As I said before in my post, there is no way you can be a friend to him and leave unscathed. You will get deeply hurt.

          • belleza permalink

            Could it be that he is just not intrested and has moved on? I would have thought that if it was the case, he would have texted me saying sorry im not intrested, when i asked him. But no responce to that text.

            • Belleza,

              Remember that “no” comes in many forms. One of them is saying nothing. Lack of action is the same thing as proving to you that “I am not interested.”

              No action is actually more indicative of a lack of interest, because a guy can say all kinds of things to you yet show no action. You want a guy who PROVES his interest in both words and action consistently, otherwise you are just wishing and hoping.

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