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Do you like to initiate?

December 14, 2015

When you are interacting with a guy and he is not asking you out, what are his intentions and why does he keep talking to you?

I suggest moving on, but for the uninhibited who aren’t ready to implement Prize Catch principles (and whose nerves are made of steel), you can find out from him directly, and end up with one of the three possible scenarios:

First Scenario: He may lie and lead you to believe he is interested, and still not ask you out, thus wasting your time.

There are only two reasons for him to do this. He is trying to alleviate boredom or he needs your attention to build his self-esteem.

Whether he is single, married or otherwise unavailable, he is either bored or insecure. Or both. Period.

Second Scenario: He may not be aware of his own intentions and thus convince himself he should date you, which is really lying to himself due to lack of self-knowledge. This ends in the same boat as the first scenario.

Third Scenario: He may be a follower and not an initiator. He can only ask you out on cue, and will always be needing your prompts.

For the third scenario, you may finally get a date. If you decide to go out with him, see if he initiates the second, third, and fourth dates. If you are having to bring it up all the time, you need to decide if this is how you want things to be between the two of you. Think marriage proposal, wedding, honeymoon, special occasions, parenting children, building a household, etc.

Remember, a lot of women invest more emotionally into a guy as she continues seeing him — whether or not he is even right for her, despite the red flags. This can become your tendency as well as you become more involved with someone, and it may be hard to break it off.

Why would it be hard to break it off? Because while nobody is perfect, nobody is 100% flawed either. He might have some good qualities in spite of the inability to initiate. He might have an upstanding character or be an animal lover which really warms your heart. He might have many other likable traits that you fall in love with.

The point being, if you are A-OKAY with doing the hinting and initiating and planning, there is nothing wrong with being with this type of guy.

The problem is that lots of women convince themselves they are okay with it when they are NOT. So dig deep and examine any part of you that might be resisting this. You need to be sure you fully accept his manner of going about dating and relationships so you can be happy. Or else, there is no point going forward with him if you want him to change. Unless he’s a two year old who is trainable, he won’t change. Even if he tries to, he may resent having to be with a woman who can’t accept him the way he is, further emasculating him. A losing battle.

Know yourself and know what you want in a man. Do you want to initiate? Sometimes? Always? Forever?

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8 Comments
  1. Anna permalink

    Hi One Truth?

    Do you have views on polyamorous relationships? Do you think it’s available to anyone, or just select few can maintain and be happy in such relationships?

    I was astonished that one of my friend’s preferred relationship type was polyamory, and she looks content with her choice. She says she’s in loves the guys she’s in a relationship with, but she’s happier if they’re happy in other relationships as well. This is very unusual coming from a woman’s mouth.

    Wonder if keeping more than one relationships could once be the norm for independent, liberated women of the 21st century?

    • Anna,

      Polyamorous relationships work if an individual is content with sharing a partner, and can commit to working within the parameters of the agreement. Any relationship requires communication and willingness to stick to the said agreement, so I don’t see how polyamory should be any different. It then boils down to the individual’s personal preferences, values and level of tolerance. It’s not for everyone, that’s for sure, because if it were, it would be more common and more mainstream.

      I don’t think being liberated has much to do with this kind of lifestyle. In fact, when women had little choice but to marry and bear children as her lot in life, they had to put up with a lot more infidelity from men and sharing their husbands with other women. If anything, I would think in general, economic independence has made women a lot less able to agree to polyamory.

      • Anna permalink

        Thanks One Truth! 🙂

        ”I would think in general, economic independence has made women a lot less able to agree to polyamory.” Why do you think so?

        • Anne,

          Well, when it comes to sharing a man, I think it would be hard. When a woman gets used to having purchasing power that comes from economic independence, allowing her to pick and choose what she wants in her life, she would have a hard time having to give up that power of choice and would have to compromise and sacrifice a lot more. If she had to juggle more than one man, that would be a different story, I would think.

          • Anna permalink

            Ah okay, so you assume that if women have free choice then they choose to not share their partner, which I totally get, as this is my view as well. However, by choosing to share their partner what they get in return is more partners for themselves as well. So it might be the choice of an economically independent woman to juggle more than one man. Which, I have to admit, is a bit odd, but my friend’s current preference.

  2. Anne permalink

    Sometimes I feel like, if girls don’t initiate at all, just show up, this happens:

    They have this insane chemistry tho.

    • moonbeam permalink

      But Nicole initiated by going to his apartment and orchestrating a scenario in which he could’ve asked her out.

      • Anne permalink

        Yes, but sometimes it’s not enough.
        In this scenario, it was because Rick(their ‘friend’) informed Jimmy that Nicole wants to see him because of some business thing, and not because she may like him. 😀 Jimmy fancied Nicole, but thought he has no chance anyways, so he played video games during the whole time they were there…. 😀

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