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Friendly men

September 2, 2016

How do you respond to a friendly guy if he’s attractive?

It seems he likes you, enough to look at you, show warmth, and even affection. He hugs you when he sees you. He likes to hang out with you. He might even be texting you a lot and following you around in social media.

Is he just a friend? Is he a potential boyfriend? What in the world is he?

Friendly men are exactly that. FRIENDLY MEN. Is there the word “suitor” somewhere in there? No.

There won’t be even if you wish it so. You can dream all you want, but until this friendly man sets up a date and pays for it, he doesn’t see you in a romantic way.

It is very important that a guy regards you romantically if you want more. When a guy doesn’t see you as romantic material, he will not court you. He will text, hang out, text, hang out, text, ….. anything but court you.

Courtship is a sign that a man is NOT satisfied with friendship, and wants you as a romantic partner. It is also a sign that he wants to cherish you, which places you in a different category.

And a man who insists on waiting for a woman to ask him out, courting HIM, is a man who you can never be sure of and a man who requires you to do the work to earn his attention. There are many women willing to step up to be with such a man. It’s up to each woman to decide what she is willing to do to be in a relationship.

Just remember. If a man you’re attracted to is satisfied being your friend, move on.

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13 Comments
  1. Wondering permalink

    I met a guy a few weeks ago. Initially he was very eager to pursue me. When I did not give in to his request to stay over at my place or go to his apartment another time his behaviour started changing. He would still attempt to set up dates but in the process of doing so is very vague about the details (specifi time and day) and also takes hours to respond to my reaction to his requests. What is this all about?

    • Wondering,

      He isn’t very serious about you. A guy who is serious about you would not need for you to spend the night together right away, not until you become his girlfriend.

      Vagueness indicates not being sure about how he feels about you. Only respond to clear, definite plans. The rest is just wasting your time. When a guy is ready, he will make it very clear when he wants to see you.

      • Wondering permalink

        Thanks The One. Not always easy to be a cool customer and letting him pursue…But in then end holding back and living my life in the meantime is the better option.

  2. MNRC permalink

    Sound advice for everyone to take to heart! I am currently in exactly this situation (and have been many times before–unfortunately each suitor has failed to step up to qualify as a boyfriend). The bottom line is that he can friend you on Facebook, chat and text all day, and the two of you can hang out till you’re blue in the face, but unless he asks you out on a date, the two of you are just ordinary friends with no romantic future.

    I did have a question about the Facebook friends part. Is it alright fpr you to add him as a friend first if he tells you that the two of you should make plans via Facebook in the future and gives you his Facebbok ID?

    • MNRC,

      Glad you see the value in sound advice! That said, I don’t recommend using Facebook as a means of communication until he becomes your official boyfriend. At any point in time until that occurs, he may just be friendly and never ask you out, or see other women. Meanwhile, you’re stuck watching his feeds and wasting your time.

      While you both are free to date others until you’re exclusive, that doesn’t mean you need to know all about what he’s up to or wonder why he is hanging out with this girl or that girl. You don’t need to be keeping tabs on him and he doesn’t need to keep tabs on you. Facebook makes you too available and easily accessible, way too convenient for him to get to know you without actually dating you, and not beneficial for you because it doesn’t allow you to be a Prize Catch.

      You need to be doing other things besides having him pop up on your screen when he posts something.

      If he wants a date with you, he needs to stick to a phone call/text or email. This limits him from getting you hooked on him without a date, wasting your time on things that don’t make dating progress.

      Use Facebook for acquaintances, friends, and families. Suitors are not included!

      • MNRC permalink

        That does make a lot of sense. But I’ve already friended our mutual friend. It might look rude to ignore his friend request…

      • MNRC permalink

        I think I just won’t add him and if he tries to add me himself, I’ll accept his friend request but set him to “public” status so I don’t share anything too personal!

        • MNRC,

          Good idea!

          • MNRC permalink

            Sorry, One Truth. I broke my rule and added him to Facebook 😦 He’s Australian and one of my friends who had spent time studying abroad there said that they don’t have a dating culture like us in the United States. She suggested adding him to Facebook since Aussie couples seem to start off like that, so I did. However, I noticed that he is sharing much less than I do! He’s got photos going years back but I have a lot more. After that I didn’t hear from him for over a week so sent a message to say hi. He replied back in just a few hours. That seemed encouraging so I wrote back the next day and asked about his interests/hobbies. After that I didn’t hear from him for 4 days! His reply when it finally came was longer than mine but had a bunch of typos. So, I’ve decided not to respond for 5 days. After 3 days of silence he started following me on Instagram. After all this I find that you’re absolutely right about one thing–men don’t value what comes too easily to them. He will only value you if he has to work hard to win you!

            • MNRC,

              Sorry you had to learn the hard way. But this lesson is a small price compared to what would happen if your expectations got bigger. You did the right thing not to respond after he sent a message he clearly rushed typing. A man who follows you on social media and isn’t interested in you, is a man who is very bored. Not interested, not excited about you, just bored.

              Glad you know that he has to work hard to win you to value you!

  3. loridonahue permalink

    This is perfect…and true.

  4. carpe diem permalink

    All I can say is spot on

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