Does initiating EVER work?

Let me tell you why some people claim it works when women initiate. Both women and men have told me this. Even some of you readers!

Now don’t think I ignored you. I pondered for a long time on it. But I think I’ve cracked the mystery…

One man I met last year told me, “If it weren’t for my wife telling me she wanted to date me, I would never have gotten around to it.”

Now this man and woman are pretty happy together as far as I know. And they’d been married for a long time.

So why follow my advice that as a woman, you shouldn’t initiate? Since I can’t assume you are convinced just because I say so, I will lay it all out for you. I will tell you why initiating works for some women with some men. Then you can decide if you want to do the same.

When would initiating work?

Besides approaching a man in the manner and under the circumstances delineated in  “How to Show Your Interest in a Man”, which should be in every Prize Catch’s dating arsenal, here are the instances where your initiation is more likely to work than otherwise:

• When you are initiating with a man BELOW YOUR LEAGUE (as in level of attractiveness, education level, income level, position in society, etc.) Example: You are a nine in the looks department and he is a three. You have a college degree and he is a high school dropout. You come from parents who are doctors and he lives in the trailer park. You are 25 and he is 55.

• When you are initiating with a man who may or may not be in your league, but has self-esteem issues, lacks social skills, or has some kind of limiting belief that temporarily keeps him passive — all of which he is WILLING TO OVERCOME because of you. The man I mentioned above had doubts about being in a relationship again after a bad divorce, and after the woman initiated enough times, he found himself enjoying her company so much he decided to commit to her and eventually marry her. She was also 20 years younger than he was, so she had two factors in her favor when she initiated. It was a gamble of course for her, because she could have wasted her time on him if he hadn’t responded to her positively — which can happen even if a man is below your league.

You get the gist.

This is why rich, famous women can initiate and have relationships work in their favor. Most of the men they encounter and are attracted to, while perhaps younger, are below their league in terms of income and position in society.

And this is also why men face more challenges when they initiate with women above their league than when they do so with women in the same league or below their league.

This “league” is a popular term that is thrown around a lot but it does accurately describe why most couples are usually of the same league (as in level of attractiveness, education, income, and background). And why there are fewer couples out there with a big disparity between them, where one is obviously out of the other’s league in every category.

Of course, what constitutes a “league” can be pretty subjective. If a man you are in love with is overweight and you’re not, but you don’t mind because he’s a gentleman and knows how to make you happy, you wouldn’t say he was below your league even if your friends think so.

So, voila. now you know when initiation MIGHT work.

And let me add, because most women almost instinctively want to end up with a man in the same league or higher, avoiding men “below their league” if they can, it is imperative that these women do not initiate with the men they are attracted to. Chances are, it just wouldn’t work.

Now if these men were below their league, these “higher-aiming” women would have a better shot.

Of course, there are exceptions to everything, as a man “below your league” can still lose interest or won’t commit. But hopefully this gives you a clearer picture as far as when initiating can work and when it most likely won’t. So if you are one of these “high aimers”, you’ve been duly warned.

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