Skip to content

After You Become His Girlfriend

You’ve done the work.

You stood your ground.

You stuck to the program.

Okay, maybe you didn’t do it perfectly.

But now, you’re his OFFICIAL, EXCLUSIVE GIRLFRIEND.

Congratulations. You deserve it!

But wait….hold on….you can’t slack off now.

You can’t go sloppy on him and let it all hang out. You’re NOT DONE.

You’re still the PRIZE.

He STILL needs a challenge.

So what do you do now? How can you be sure you don’t mess this up?

How do you turn this into a long-term thing….

Now that you plan on moving in with him?

Now that you are having sex with him?

Now that he’s heard you flush the toilet and seen you floss your teeth?

There’s a secret formula, and I have it for you.

This is not to make life hard for you so you can’t relax. It’s to HELP you enjoy your relationship, avoid unnecessary conflict, and make it LAST, at minimal emotional cost to you.

Find out what you should be doing if you are living together, what to do if you want marriage, how to stay intriguing and elusive, and WHY.

$15 “Be A Prize Catch Girlfriend” EGuide………………..ADD TO CART

Order other EGuides here. For confidential Email Exchange, Get Personalized Advice.

60 Comments
  1. xxxx permalink

    The One,

    It’s sad that you’re not sharing your wisdom on dating anymore. Before I would always go here confused, and leave enlightened. Yes, I know it would feel like a chore to attend to our questions and not get anything in return but, isn’t this what you’re doing before that gave you the recognition as a guru and now, became a renowned wise person, to whom, people with relationship/dating problems confide to?

    Before you would still answer our questions and give meaningful answers… and now you wouldn’t.
    I hope you keep doing what you do best and share it. This is what made your blog, the way it is right now. I’m not against your efforts to gain profit out of your talent but at least answer our questions like you would before… it doesn’t need to be in-depth but please give us your advise as you would before. 😦

    how will we subscribe to your e-guides if you don’t answer us anymore?

    avid fan reader

    • Thanks for reading the blog over the years. Anytime the answers are already in the EGuides, I direct readers to them. A lot of my answers are also found throughout the blog.

      I have spent countless hours developing the EGuides so I wouldn’t want to publicize my answers that are written in there. I do believe I deserve to be compensated for this, just like you would working at your job.

      Please know I deeply appreciate you and everyone who have been faithful readers who have kept this blog alive. However, I don’t believe I took advantage of anyone since plenty of free advice was given and many have benefited from it.

      Please note that you subscribe to the blog itself for new posts, but you purchase the EGuides which can’t be subscribed. It is a one time deal so you can have your own navigational tool handy for reference and slow immersion.

      I hope you understand my position.

  2. in short, what might be the reason(s) why my boyfriend or guys in general add random , pretty girls in facebook. 😉

  3. i noticed my boyfriend has a habit of adding random, pretty girls i guess(coz if they we’re not pretty for him he wont bother to add them i guess) in facebook, and im sure he didnt know them in person.. im just confused why is he still doing that coz for me this appears he is still searching.

    i know thats his attitude even before we met, adding random girls. we actually knew each other thru facebook.. i became his exclusive girlfriend since last year and pretty happy with him even though we’re in LDR. but sometimes i get to thinking what is his real motive behind adding random girls.

    im sure he is somewhat interested with these girls or why bother to add? RYT?? that alone makes me jealous(yeah a bit). i’ve asked him implicitly about this before, and sounds like no big deal to him so okay.. (while its actually a big deal to me somewhat but i didnt bother to tell him coz i may be just being paranoid.) so i give him the benefit of the doubt.

    well, i notice most of the boys, or men in general have this habit. im trying to find explanation about this coz i dont quiet get it. maybe some girls would do that, but i dont do that stuff. besides more men do that than women i assume and im sure. hope you can give me some light about this matter. it’s been a puzzle to me for a long time now..Thank you so much the One for your help!

    • Hi Cathy

      I would like to hear what The One has to say about this. I wrote a similar post.

      I believe that if a guy is used to adding random girls before you meet him he will continue to do that even after he is with you. Guys do not change. What you see is what you get. No amount of nagging, pleading, forcing or your “love” will get him to stop. It is for us to decide what we feel comfortable with and what we are willing to accept. He sounds like a good match for a woman who doesn’t care that he likes to add pretty girls on facebook.

      As for why he does it–how does it matter? The fact is that he is doing something you are uncomfortable with and would not do yourself. Maybe he wants attention, maybe he wants to keep his options open, maybe he is looking to cheat and doesn’t even bother to hide it, maybe he is bored–what not! These are his issues and what he does with it is his problem. Yes, many men do it but not all. Some are happy with whoever they are with and do not need outside stimulation/validation/adulation. Some men go through a ”player’ phase where they want to get as many girls as possible but then with time they get tired and focus their attention on only one woman and ‘settle down’ happily.

      Yes, women do this too but in a less obvious manner because society is more judgmental of women and traditionally has been more restrictive with women. I personally went through a brief phase where I wanted attention and validation from guys just to see if I was really attractive or not. I was insecure. I was not in a relationship so I was free to do whatever I wanted without guilt or bad karma. I flirted up a storm, looked my best and basked in the attention I got until it began to feel empty and meaningless and ultimately unsatisfying. Perhaps I might have led some people on or hurt some feelings–you never know with guys because most of them are pretty shallow themselves. Regardless, I failed to form any genuine bonds with anybody. Also, I never got the answer to whether or not I was attractive. Who knows why they were paying attention to me? Maybe they flattering themselves, maybe they thought it was fun.

      I realized that security in my attractiveness is something I must have in myself regardless of what other people feel towards me. I am still trying to tell myself that yes, I am attractive in my own way and working towards becoming a genuinely good human being who has that glow-a sign of genuine attractiveness that doesn’t fade with age or outwards appearances. I have seen many women do this–flirting, leading men on, toying with others’ feelings, posting hot pics of themselves on facebook etc. I just feel sorry for them because I know where it comes from. I am glad my phase was brief but grateful that I learned a lot about guys and myself.

      As for the men in your life, it is best to find out as early as possible and take some action depending on your standards.

      Of course it is worth exploring if you are jealous/paranoid or if there are issues in your relationship that need to be addressed–such as trust. Remember, even a guy who does not add random girls on facebook can be a cheater. And there are guys who have very flirty, charming personalities (especially when it is part of their culture and upbringing) but are the most devoted lovers because they have clear boundaries.

      I believe people who push our buttons make us face our deepest fears so that we can get rid of them forever. The guy in your life has given you such an opportunity so regardless of what happens, do thank him in your mind. But once you have done the inner work and are sure that it is not your issue then it is time to address what is going on with him and between the two of you. You will have to define what your standards are and what kind of behavior you are willing to accept. If you are afraid to lose the relationship/love/be alone, you will have to face those issues too. And then you will know what to do about it.

      Good luck!

    • As for me, all I know is that I am worthy of being cherished, being a priority and deserve the true love of man who has eyes only for me. I am attracted to only those men who give me their all and make me feel special. So nothing else matters. I need to not look outside for any kind of personal validation.

      I do not worry about guys looking at others girls or wonder what they are up to. I do not beg, plead, ask questions, explanations or try to control anyone’s behavior or make demands. If they find other women more attractive and ignore me, that is fine. If they find me attractive but also other women equally attractive such that I am one of many, that is also fine. I feel no jealousy. It is their right to be whoever they want. There are free to pursue whoever they want and leave me whenever they want. They can look at as many women and flirt up a storm. I am happy for them and am happy to appreciate another woman’s beauty. If they want to go back to their ex, I hold the door wide open and wish them good luck. If a woman suddenly piques their interest, I ask them to go ahead and ask her out and go on my merry way with a smile.

      I remain warm and respectful and focus entirely on myself. I take care of myself, pursue my passions and don’t worry about anything else. My heart is reserved for the man who will love me completely and only me with undivided devotion. I believe such a man exists and that I am worthy of his love and I am hopeful I will find him someday.

      What I find is that my attraction for men who don’t step up and take half measures automatically diminishes and they fall away gradually as I keep moving on and ahead. Even if they change their tune later on, I do not feel obligated to take them back. I never feel obligated to stay in a half-way relationship. I want the real deal and the complete package.

      I know that I want only One good guy and do not need 100 admirers. It is not necessary for anyone to find me attractive or want me. When guys don’t want me–which happens–often, I accept it. It is their choice. I wish them well.

      At the most I might feel disappointed in finding out that–oh THIS guy isn’t The One. But it doesn’t last because I know that now the road is clear for The One to come.

      There is no drama or bad blood or no grudges. It is all very simple. I am so happy with my life that even if I do not find my one true love–that is fine too. It doesn’t take anything away from me.

      • kishmisherie

        i was enlightened and i was reassured with this. thank you so much for sharing a valuable lesson and for helping me clear my mind. i will always go back reading this piece every time i get lost to stay on track. thanks really for making time. thanks thanks thanks! i admire you for that even though i don’t know you personally. keep up being a guide and an example to us who need it 🙂 kudos!

      • To add to your post, kishmisherie, sometimes when you look at relationships so positively and put your own happiness at the center, the one you are in improves dramatically as well. Like, for example, you or the person you’re with is unsatisfied with the relationship for whatever reason, but there’s no drama on your part so you just go about your business and do “you” for a while, and just be thankful that you’re now able to define what you want in a perfect relationship more specifically….sometimes the person you are already *with* just improves. Maybe you inspire them to be a better person with your own behavior, or maybe they are just scared to lose you when they realize you have no strings for them to pull and will walk away if it means your happiness. I feel like, the only situations where one person in the relationship will make a real, genuine change in their behavior/approach, is when the other person truly doesn’t care if the couple “fizzles” or not, as long as they can stay happy themselves. You’re post was right on, to put your own happiness and needs first is the way to be to fix anything in relationships! And like you said earlier, you have to be totally comfortable with walking away from a situation (or letting someone go) and be single because there’s no greater destruction to a relationship than if one of the people in it is terrified to be alone. Once you realize there’s no fear because being alone means you get to be in the greatest company of all – your own! – then you’ve got it all figured out, and the rest is gravy! Thanks again for your great post!

        • Anne permalink

          harmony, this is so true!

          But I was wondering if this advice (”live your life and care only about your happiness”) only applies to women, or men as well?

          I mean, if a man uses this approach (which many of them do, in fact a lot more men than women), he wouldn’t be able to keep a prize catch, would he?

  4. Hi the One!
    Since I stuck to the program (how to become his gf) and have done well until now, now I want to keep it up!
    I would like to have the link to buy the “How to Be A Prize Catch Girlfriend”.
    Your advise is awesome.
    Thanks a LOT !!

    • Viccasgal,

      Wow, that’s wonderful you have been following the EGuide, applying its principles, and meeting success! I just sent you a payment link to your email. Thank you for getting the “Be A Prize Catch Girlfriend” EGuide!

      I’m curious. Is there a reason you prefer paying via the emailed payment link versus using the ADD TO CART button links on the blog?

  5. Alyssa permalink

    Sign me up!!

  6. hi the One! can i have a copy of this? Guide to Being a Prize Catch Girlfriend.. but maybe i can pay you january. can i have a reservation til then? thank you!

    • HI Cathyap,

      Yes, I can reserve it for you. I will send you the payment link first and you can pay it in January. After I get your payment, I will email it to you!

  7. olivia permalink

    so i have been dating this kid for one month today. we started talking late october and then early november went on dates and late november he asked me out! it was going so well but in the past few days he has been changing his fb profile picture alot, like more than 10 times in the past week and keeps making statuses for people too like so he can tell them what he thinks about them and inbox them.. last night he messaged me a long seemingly heartfelt message about how he felt about me. but then when i posted about our one month on facebook he didnt say anything but them proceded to make a status for girls to like… i dont know whats happening or if im overreacting but he used to always tag me in statuses and all these things but it seems as if he is insecure or something lately. i dont know what to say or do or even if i am making a big deal!

    • Dear Olivia,

      Facebook is not a good place to get to know a guy. He needs to see you in person. Also, when you say “kid”, make sure he is not underage if you are at least 18 years old!

      For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.
      Hope to assist you!

      The One

  8. alyssa permalink

    U said reciprocate once for every three of his I initiations. What does this mean? I thought girls should never take on the leader ship role in the relationship

  9. Marie permalink

    Hi The One,

    A main idea I’m getting is that planning proper dates show effort from guys, and is a good sign. I’m wondering about a few things:

    1. How do you get a guy to continue planning dates even after going out for a while (i.e. he planned a few proper ones in the beginning, but after you guys seems to get closer, it starts to dwindle down to just “hanging out” in his place, driving around, etc.). Specifically, what do you say and do to get him to plan proper dates but not come off as a gold digger?

    2. What does it mean if he always says that “it’s up to you” whenever you ask what you guys are going to be doing? On one hand, it sounds lazy, but on the other, it could be letting you choose whatever you like…

    I’ve always been hesitant about requesting these things because I don’t want to give that negative impression, so I wanted to know what are some things I can say/do to nudge them to plan proper dates.

    Thanks!
    Marie

    • harmony permalink

      Marie,

      I am in the same boat. I made a general comment/request for advice above, because I feel that a lot of us out there are, too. But in my personal relationship the guy I’ve been dating for a few months is doing the same thing (all we ever do is “hang out” at his place, and he is increasingly boring, texting on his phone instead of having a conversation with me, taking me for granted, and he ALSO does the “it’s up to you” thing like he could care less whether we see each other or not anymore!)…so you know what? A week ago (after finding this blog) I just started ignoring him. I stopped answering his texts and deleted emails (it helped that my phone display broke, so I kind of ignored him unintentionally for a few days!).
      He’s still texting things like “I’m confused” and “why did you stop talking to me” but can you believe he still hasn’t called or stopped by? I can, actually. Because apparently I was doing all the work in the relationship. I just didn’t realize it until I *stopped* doing work and he didn’t pick up any of the slack. You know what I say? His loss! If he wants to hunt me down and take me out to dinner properly, he knows where I live, and he clearly knows my phone number if he ever chooses to actually call instead of sending a text! I can’t believe I was putting up with this treatment for months. But we do it to ourselves…increasingly start to drive to their place, or “stay in” weekend after weekend, accept that they only text instead of call (or just ignore us all week). Sometimes it’s hard to remember that we are a prize!

    • Welcome, Marie.

      I’d like to explain it all to you. Just Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you.

  10. harmony permalink

    Dear The One,

    I love your blog! Thank you for dedicating your time and energy to helping women stay strong and focused on their own lives, and protecting themselves from needless heartbreak!

    What advice would you give to ladies reading your blog for the first time and realizing we are a prize, but have been tolerating un-prize-like behavior from our regular boyfriends or husbands? It’s easy to ignore texts and calls from someone who is not a good suitor when you don’t have that much invested in a relationship – but what if you do, whether it be a few months of exclusivity, or years of marriage? Every woman deserves to be a prize, but not all of us realized it until we got involved in less-than-perfect relationships! For example, is it better to confront at that point and make your intentions clear (that you won’t tolerate disrespectful behavior anymore), or just focus on your own life and ignore him, even if he goes berserk because you aren’t the “same old you” anymore?

    Thanks again for your time and advice. It’s straightforward and empowering!

  11. Jane permalink

    Hi The One,
    your blog is a real blessing for me, I just realized how stupid I have acted so far.
    Here is my question. We had 4 dates in 3 weeks, and have been texting and talking on the phone in the meantime. On our last date he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was 4 days ago. Since then, he has been texting and calling, but did not ask for another date. However, when we talked on Sunday, we agreed to have dinner at my place, and he said to let him know when, and he will come over.
    Now, since I am his girfriend, and he took me out four times, paid everything etc, should I just invite him for a dinner at my place anytime I am availbale? Or should I wait for him to initiate, like ask for a date or something, and then invite him over? Also, should I stop texting with him unless he asks me out? Or is it different now?

  12. The One,

    I have been with a man since February of this year. He pursued, asked me out, asked me to be his girlfriend, all within a matter of a month or so, I’d say. Before we started dating, I probably knew him about 6 months or so, prior. He has been nothing but wonderful and gracious to me and to my child, almost 2 years old. The issue is this: He has an ex wife, living in another country, who continues to be an issue. When he asked me out, he was very honest and open and his situation. He told me that he was divorced and that him and his ex were married for about 10 years, but never had any children. He met her while he was studying abroad and while she was on a visit here, they discussed getting married because her visa was about to expire and the rest is history. She never worked, never learned to even drive a car, never really did anything except come to America to cook and clean. She also has a mental illness or illnesses. in 2011, he told her that she needed to move back to her native country because it wasn’t working out between them. He said he couldn’t do it anymore. Now, this is a generous and very kind man. I know he spent much of his life working so hard to please her and it couldn’t be done. He filed for divorce about a year after she left. I know for a fact they are definitely divorced.

    My problem is this: she will harass him via Facebook, via email, phone, etc. with questions such as “how is your new family”, etc, referring to me and my child. They are not even friends on Facebook, so how she has access to these things remains a mystery to me. She will call him names and write him cryptic, suicidal poetry, etc, the list goes on and on. Sometimes she will send 5-10 emails in one night, one after another. She will often make him feel guilty by asking him how the dog is doing (was obviously her pet at one time too). Over the summer, his phone was going off in the middle of the night while we were all on vacation. It woke me up. I did not check it, but I asked him in the morning and he replied to me that it was work. I walked away, feeling unsettled. It was the weekend, so I didn’t believe that work was emailing him so much. I asked again and he admitted to me that it was her and she was asking to withdrawal money from their bank account. He had lied to me. I had asked him about a month prior how she was supporting herself (don’t know why we were discussing her) because I knew that she has never been employed (at almost 40 years old!) and he replied that he didn’t know. He told me then, that he had been letting her withdrawal money every so often, to pay for food or medication or whatever, because he knew she didn’t have a job and because he was never ordered to pay her alimony so he felt he owed it to her. I was not only upset with the lying, but I was upset because he would occasionally vent to me about how stressed he would get over certain finances, all the while, I am a single mom working my butt off and here he is, gifting his ex wife money. I do know one thing he loves about me is that I do work hard, I am educated and I have goals and a life, something she never did. This situation has definitely hurt me and hurt our trust. Since then, it has been one thing after another regarding her and my insecurity and lack of trust. I don’t know what to do. The past 2 months have been rocky and we have been on a “break”. We do not sleep together anymore because I do not put myself in that situation. I admit that I tried cleanly and maturely breaking things off with him because I needed time to myself to think about what I wanted and what I felt inside. He always pursues, always comes back and tries to make it work. I don’t know how to get over this issue. Do I get over him or do I trust him again? I also don’t like seeing certain objects in his house that remind me of her, like artwork, etc. I want help in getting over this, but I don’t know if I should or if it is worth it. I truly love him, but now I am damaged and hurt and scared. I don’t even know if this is something you can help me with. I love your blog, so I’m hoping you have a little something to say.

    Thanks in advance,

    LL

    • LL,

      Sounds to me like this man doesn’t know how to say “No.” He isn’t putting up healthy boundaries with his ex-wife, feels sorry for her, and is okay with supporting her. He doesn’t bother changing his phone number either to avoid her harassment.

      She will never be self-sufficient. She will always be dependent on him.

      For more advice from me, please sign up at Get In-Depth Advice Now for confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

  13. Oh, & I’ve also considered that maybe I just need to change my actions/behavior in order to get his attention back to where it was instead of verbalizing it… ? But I’m not sure what to DO… thank you ina dvance for any advice you can give!

  14. I really need some help! :/ ………I met my current boyfriend in early August. He courted me, took me on dates, etc, & was asking me to be his gf within a month. I told him to be patient b/c I was not ready just yet even though he seemed sure of his feelings for me. He seemed to do everything in his power to demonstrate that I was “the prize.” About a month passed after I told him to patient, & one night while cuddling, he brought it up again (I’d been waiting, kind of impatiently by this pt, as we’d gotten to know each other much better was sure I wanted him) & I said yes. It’s been about 3 weeks since then, we’ve slept over at each other’s many times, watched movies, etc, but haven’t done much more than kissing. Since being “official”, we’ve messed around maybe two times & had sex once. He says he’s super attracted to me, always tells me how beautiful I am, etc, (I don’t think it’s that, I know I’m attractive b/c men constantly ask me out/chat me up; I also know I’m not terrible at sex & that’s not the reason), but he wants to go slow on sex b/c “there’s plenty of time for that,” & he “doesn’t want that to be all it is.” That confuses me b/c I’m like, Well..you’re my bf now so unless you plan on dumping me once we start having sex more, I’m not expecting that’s all it is :/ …… So anyways, sex aside, after the first initial week of being “official” (so for the last two weeks), I’ve noticed him slacking on texting, calling, etc. Ya know, he used to always text good morning, then throughout the day while at work, & then text &/or call at night. I don’t expect a lot of communication all the time, but a phone call each night & a good morning text are things I’d like to continue…I just don’t know how to get that back w/out sounding naggy (in which case I KNOW it would make him cease to do any of those things, b/c I’ve done that before! :P) ….. He still initiates seeing me & includes me in family activities now as well (he has a 5-yr old daughter, & she lives w/him every other week, which complicates things a little but not much, as I’ve met her now & we get along)…. anyways, normally I’d freak & be that crazy-making girl who’d text him after not hearing anything all day to say “what’s wrong?! why haven’t I heard from you?!” etc & obsess over how he was ignoring me…but I’ve refrained from that & just tried to mirror his interest in talking to me, & when he HAS texted good morning lately, I’ve praised like “you just made me smile 🙂 good morning!” rather than bringing up the fact that he hadn’t for the past week… I’m just worried he’s falling into a pattern of taking me for granted & I don’t want that to happen. He’s been really good about talking any previous issues we’ve had out with me, so I’m not afraid to communicated with him about it (if that’s the best route to take), I just don’t know HOW & WHAT to say exactly to get the results I want. Like I said, I’ve tried with past boyfriends & had the opposite reaction b/c I came off as trying to make them do something they didn’t wanna do. Do you have any suggestions for me?
    Like I said, I’ve been noticing it for the last two wks (dating for 2.5 months, bf/gf for the last 3 wks of that) but have remained pretty non-psycho & haven’t made a thing of it (but it has continued to bother me inside). ALSO, what is your take on the sex thing? I don’t like to have sex w/guys unless I’m in a relationship, but once I AM in a relationship, I want to- a lot. How do I handle this without throwing myself at him?
    Is he feeling like “hey, got my prize & now I can be lazy?” …b/c that’s not what I want! Please HELP!!! 🙂

  15. hayley permalink

    Thank you so much for your advice. It really means a lot to me :D!

    You have hit the nail on the head, wow thank you !

    You are so amazing and wonderful

  16. My question for you, do you think it’s true the almost all men cheat?

    I really think that about 80% do this. 8 of 10 man that I know was or are cheating. And online sites and networks are full of married man. I really think that today cheating is easy and unconsequential. The women are available only for sex and are overexposed everywhere.

    So should we women care about it? And how can we trust men?

    • You are a PRIZE CATCH. As a prize, you accept dates and go out, enjoying yourself to the fullest. Meanwhile, you live a fabulous life filled with things you love doing and people you love being with.

      You don’t have sex before exclusivity, so you don’t care who he’s sleeping with.

      After exclusivity, if you discover he’s cheating, you let him go and move on, continuing that fabulous life you’ve always lived.

      There is no point in time you allow a man to hurt you because he is powerless to do so. You hold all the cards: the card to live well, the card to enjoy yourself, and the card to exit when you’re not.

      He is just joining you so he can taste some of that wonderfulness you call PRIZE CATCH LIFE. If he does so deceptively, you let him go so your abundant life doesn’t get disrupted for long.

      He’s after all, just the side dish!

    • The Prize Catch never worries about trusting men. She trusts herself, her judgment, and her own intuition. She trusts she can handle whatever occurs, and isn’t afraid to seek help if necessary.

      Trusting herself is the most valuable tool to have.

  17. hayley permalink

    I forgot to mention that he says he would like to meet my parents and such things, I tell him no and I think he feels bad? I feel abit insecure at times and feel trouble trusting men so I really don’t know what to do, I always believed that men and women are equal in dating and this has handed me heartbreak over and over again. I am not intimate with him and I haven’t even kissed him as yet. We have cuddles and he holds my hand in public and he has introduced me as his girlfriend to people.

    • Hayley,

      It sounds like to me you’re not ready to jump into a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. You have fears. Ideally, they should be resolved before you enter into one.

      You are dear friends with him right now. The problem with turning that into an exclusive romantic/sexual relationship is that the expectations are different and the roles are different.

      I can give you a thorough explanation of this so you can better understand how to navigate through it all without getting burned.

      For a lot more info, I urge you to Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

  18. hayley permalink

    I absolutely adore this blog! The One, I wish I knew more about you, you’re amazing!

    I know this guy, he’s been my close friend for the past 3 years. He helped me to heal my broken heart from my past relationship which ended 6 months ago. He has always been there for me through thick and thin. He knows so much about me.About a month ago he expressed that he is interested in me as a girlfriend, he takes me out on dates and treats me wonderfully, he is truly amazing , I have a wonderful time with him. The problem is I’m finding it hard to make the transition from friendship to a relationship? Should I be coy and elusive? I am doing that but I feel a little guilty because when we were buddies we should chat endlessly about silly things. I am starting to like him a lot and I don’t want to ruin things. He did ask for an exclusive relationship but I didn’t say yes as yet, he is still actively pursuing me. I am 21 and he is 23, he does know that I am looking for a serious relationship and so is he. I am just abit afraid to mess things up because in past relationships I used to be really clingy and needy and that broke me but now I feel I am ready for this.I really would love some advice on this matter from such an expert as yourself 🙂

  19. Nina permalink

    Dear The One,

    I have a question. But, it’s slightly off-topic. I’m not comfortable to go out on a date with the guy who is my ex’s friend, I mean a friend of my ex-boyfriend, his close friend. I’m not comfortable and not into it at all. I feel that it’s very unethical, I lose my integrity if I do that. Just not my thing. But, how come he never feel this way it seems? He always ask me out and I have to turn it down.

    Anyway, I still hang out with him like once a week or twice a week because I don’t want to make him feel bad. I say hang out cos I didn’t let him lead during our meeting/hang out, like I pay for my meal, etc although he initiate it. So it doesn’t become a date. We used to hang out together the three of us though.

    What’s your take on this? Maybe for some people it’s okay. But, not for me. I don’t know. I just can’t do it. I even think, does he care about what my ex would feel if he finds out? I don’t care about what my ex would think anymore about other things but I do care about this kind of situation. I care what he would think about this kind of situation. I do. Other things, I don’t care anymore what he would think because it’s nothing to do with him anymore. But his close friend? That’s related to him and there’s no way that I would ever give a chance.

    I just hope that I’m wrong. Maybe he’s just being nice. But, he really make me feel awkward. There are other things that he did that shows he’s into me. I don’t really respond. I feel bad though treating him like this. Again, I hope I’m wrong.

    Thank you for reading this and I really appreciate your opinion.

    • Nina,

      If you harbor guilt from dating your ex-boyfriend’s friend, then stop doing it. Guilt is self-punishment. Why do that to yourself?

      And if you have true integrity, you’d have mercy and let him go find someone else. You won’t waste his time.

      Plus, hanging out with a guy does nothing for you. You could be dating men you WOULD be interested in. Why are you wasting YOUR time?

      If you feel sorry for people that easily, go volunteer at some charity. Don’t do this with men. Men do not need your charity. They are fully capable of standing up for themselves and going after what they want. Let him go after a woman who will appreciate him.

      Meanwhile, get busy living your own life. Can’t you think of better things to do? I can think of ten things off the bat!

      • Nina permalink

        Thank you, The One.

        I met him just once every 2 or 3 weeks (though I still feel uncomfortable). I decline many of his invitations/ when he ask me to hang out (meaning if I say yes, we might go out very often, and I don’t want that). And I know he’s looking at other women too (looking for a relationship) because he would tell me stories about them (his friend at work, ex-college mates, etc), which I feel so glad.

        He knows that I’m not into him as I already told him that earlier on subtlety – I don’t want him to waste his time.

        Maybe I’m being too nice because I don’t want him to think that I throw him away just because his friend broke up with me (although you said they are capable of standing up for themselves).

        I work 5-day week, play hockey, go to dance class, watch movies, reading, I have a loving family and friends, I joined movements, and I love to do a lot of other things too. Just this part a bit tricky for me.

        • Well, hopefully he will find someone and you will too!

        • Nina permalink

          I hope so. Yea, I do a lot of things lol others include train travel once a year from my country to other country. I love fashion too/ couture. Thanks, The One.

  20. Kara permalink

    Hi The One, i just want to say thank you so much for writing this blog. I just recently enter the dating scene again. Your insights saves me a lot of drama and heartaches. Everything you wrote are spot on. Thank you for teaching me to be the Prize…

    • Kara,

      You’re welcome. Glad you see it’s working for you! Please sign up to follow the blog if you haven’t done so to be notified of a book I’m working on and upcoming posts.

  21. Rose permalink

    Great blog – getting feet wet again and being smart about it…blowing right past the debris field to the upstanding men

  22. hmmm really I don’t know what to think about it… He doesn’t enter often, once a week recently (but still..) and he demonstrates me with actions and with his plans that he is into this relation…. We are at the very beginning, we know each other 2 months now…. maybe it’s too early to make conclusions.

  23. And whai if… We met online, we are in exclusive relationship (he asked me)… I cancelled my meeting profile about a month ago and he doesn’t…. And sometimes, once a week, every 3 days he is still online…

    What should I think about it? I didn’t ask him to cancel anathynig since I thought it should be his decision…on his own, no pressure…

    And I don’t want to talk with him about it, I would like to wait and see his moves….
    but I really don’t like it… we are together so what the hell does he still looks there?? I think it’s not fair

    • Ms. Thang permalink

      Are you saying that you can see that he is still using his meeting profile? If so, that means he is not being exclusive.

      • Ms. Thang permalink

        I read your reply about speaking to him and that he immediately took down his meeting profile.
        Great! I hope it continues to work out well for you.

    • You need to prepare yourself emotionally to move on if he turns out to be someone who isn’t able to be in an exclusive relationship with you. Take time to do that before you speak to him. Wait until you’re able to speak in a friendly, casual tone (though underneath, you are dead serious). Keep your words few but meaningful:

      “I see that you still have your profile up. I took mine down after we went exclusive. Will you be taking yours down to stay exclusive with me or are you still looking?”

      This gives him a clear message that he has two choices, and two only.

      • Ms. Thang permalink

        The One, you really have great insight on how a woman can keep her dignity while dating and I agree with you.

      • Thank you for the advice. At this point since we are going still deeper emotionally into this I didn’t want to wait and I asked him this morning: ” Hey, I saw that you still have your meeting profile up and you go online sometimes, at this point I would like to know should WE (I said WE because I thought it’s like he has an option and for me it’s the same) see each other exclusively or should WE still searching and dating the other people?”

        and he was like surprised: “Ah, I just enter sometimes there, I didn’t look for anybody else, I like you and want to be with you now” and he took down his profile immediately….

        I would prefer the things going naturally and not having to talking about it (since it was obvious for me why wasn’t this obvious for him?) but sometimes you have to put the limits and still have your eyes open and your heart given only half a way…. Tough work girls

Post a reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: