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By paying for this service, you are accepting and agreeing to the following terms:

– Payment is non-refundable.

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– Email Exchanges expire in one month from the date of your payment.

– Advice by One Truth is based on information given by you, not intended as a substitute for professional psychological, medical, or legal assistance, or for in-person counselling or mental health treatment.

– One Truth shall not be liable for any direct, incidental, consequential, indirect or punitive damages arising out of your access to the advice given.

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108 Comments
  1. Itay permalink

    Ok, done.

    • Itay,

      Thank you. I just sent you my reply to your new email address. Please check it out!

  2. Itay permalink

    I’m still waiting for a response. I purchase the one-email exchange with my pay pal account.

    • Itay,

      I sent two emails to you. If you didn’t receive them, please post a reply below and type in a different email address where it asks for it.

  3. Hi One Truth,

    I just signed up for the personalized email advice. I hope to hear from you soon. I am holding off on answering a suitor right now until I get your input.

    Thanks!

  4. Dear OneTruth, I want to buy a lot of your Eguides, but at the moment I am unable to make a card payment due to various reasons, is there some way I can pay you cash, like cash in an envelope ? or send a moneygram? I am sure you know my email as I get an email everytime you write a new post ?? Please let me know my options regarding this!
    Thanks dear, have infinitely benefited from your blog. xxx

  5. Hello The One!
    I once again I need guidance! please send me a payment link for one email exchange.
    Thanks a lot!

  6. VIC permalink

    Hello The One
    Can you give me your payment link please, for 1 email exchange, I am confused and don’t want to ruin things!
    Thank you

  7. VIC permalink

    Hello The One
    I would like your advice ASAP! hahaha… no, really! Can you send me your payment link for one email exchange… I am a bit confused and don’t want to ruin things (I think I still have a chance to do things right..)
    Thanks a lot!!

    • Welcome back, VIC!

      I just emailed you a payment link. You are also welcome to click on the ADD TO CART button link in the article (“Get Personalized Advice”).

      This way you can pay right away and won’t need to wait for me to send a link. Either way works!

      I look forward to helping you!

  8. ASH permalink

    Love your website. Would You be willing to blog about why men who show no lack of commitment while you’re single, but become bitter towards you once you’ve moved on. I’m currently dealing with this and I can’t find helpful advice specifically for my situation.

    • Ash,

      Not all men do this. If that were the case, no man would be married.

      The ones who do act this way are selfish and want it easy. They want to keep their options open at YOUR expense and sacrifice, as in keeping you dangling and strung along at their convenience. There is nothing to regret about moving on from men such as these. They are time-wasters!

      For a lot more detailed information specific to your situation, I urge you to get your secret weapon in dating and relationships when you Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to help you further!

    • Shania permalink

      Hi ash you are not alone . I m
      Going through sad times now just becos someone I love changed suddenly and I don’t have the answer why.

  9. Wallflower and a half permalink

    Hi The One,

    I just want to let you know how much you’ve helped me. I also want others to know about this whole experience.

    So I first came across this blog via a random google search when I was feeling a little helpless and at odds in my relationship. I suppose I felt helpless and alone, mostly because I wasn’t sure what to do or say next. The general things I took away from the blog gave me quite an insight into how things were in my relationship vs how they should be. It gave me a brief overview of the kinds of things I had been doing wrong, such as making too much effort instead of letting him woo me. While the blog posts were kind of general and not specific enough, They were definitely insightful enough to make me think that I could learn more from you. I was especially after getting specific advice relating to my exact situation.

    I was a little hesitant initially because I hadn’t sought advice in this way before and I guess I was a little nervous. So I decided to sign up for two email exchanges to begin with (I figured one might not be enough and two would give me enough to go on for the time being and then I could always request more). So I started out by emailing an outline if my situation/ circumstances and recent events that had unfolded in my relationship. The first thing I was impressed with was your upfront, honest, blunt (in a truthful, not rude way) assessment of my situation as stood then. This gave me loads of objective insight that I hadn’t quite been able to consider of my own accord, which enabled me to look at my situation in a different light. So I was able to really think about how things were and what I wanted from this.

    In addition to the valuable insight I got, you gave me practical, applicable advice which I have been using and it’s really helped me to manage my expectations and prioritise my own life as well as that of my relationship. The main thing that I benefitted from through using the email exchange is the upfront, open nature of the responses I got. Obviously I do speak to friends about my relationship worries but it isn’t always easy for friends to be totally objective and they sometimes ‘filter’ what they say out of fear or upsetting you or saying something that’s difficult for you to hear. And I think a lot of women (myself included) need to have certain things pointed out to us when we’re somewhat disillusioned by emotional attachment.

    I’m really grateful for the insight and honest feedback that I was able to get from these email exchanges. To give a quick overview of one of the things I was specifically helped with was having ‘the error of my ways’ pointed out to me. A lot of the ‘mistakes’ I was making (such as making far too much effort, not prioritising myself enough, occasionally nagging) were all things that I hadn’t considered a direct problem. I wondered why my boyfriend wasn’t making an effort. Until you pointed it out to me, I didn’t realise that I had been acting in a way that wouldn’t give him a chance to make an effort also.

    Long story short, I definitely recommend the email exchange service and if I am in need of more advice in the near future I will definitely be contacting you again. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and we had a bad patch but I honestly feel like the advice really helped me to get things back on track.

    Thank you so much!!!!!

    • Wallflower,

      Thank you very much for your kind words and feedback on our Email Exchange. I am very glad it’s been helpful to your relationship, and glad that you are now on your way to where you both can be happy, and you can feel cherished by him!

      Your comment will also be posted on the Testimonial page. Thanks again.

      One Truth

  10. Dee permalink

    I ordered the e-book and paid on paypal but still haven’t received it. When could I expect it by?

    Thank you.

    Donna

  11. Wallflower and a half permalink

    Can I sign up for two email exchanges please?

    • Hi Wallflower,

      Yes, that is fine (but only till end of Dec, 2013). I’ll send you the payment link. Once I receive it I will email you instructions. Thanks for your interest!

  12. heather222 permalink

    One e-mail please. Thanks

  13. heather222 permalink

    Dear The One, I would like your advice over e-mail. Can you please send me a link?

    thanks,
    Heather

    • Hi Heather,

      Please let me know which Email Exchange ($12, $35, or $50) you’d like to get. Then I can send you the right link. Thanks!

      • Heather,

        I sent the payment link to you. Once I receive it, I will email you instructions. Thanks!

  14. Astrid permalink

    I’d like the guide 🙂

    • There are several. Do you know which one?

      • Astrid permalink

        How to become his gf!

        • Astrid,

          I will reserve the Guide for you and send you a payment link when it is ready to go!

          • Astrid permalink

            Do you know when by what date it will be ready??

            • Hi Astrid,

              I’m working on the EGuides right now, so I will let you know! I want to make sure they are done right. Don’t want to rush through them. Thanks for your interest! I’ll keep you posted.

  15. Chloe permalink

    Please could you send me the details too I’d really like some honest advice!

    Many thanks Chloe x

    • Hi Chloe,

      Thanks for your interest! Are you interested in One Email Exchange?

      • Please can we do three?

        Thanks The One, I could really use some help!

        Chloe x

        • Ok, great!

          I sent you the payment link for Three Email Exchanges. Once I receive your payment, I will email you instructions so we can begin!

          • Thanks, just done now (under a different name)

            Chloe x

            • Thanks for your payment! I sent you an email with instructions.Look forward to helping you.

  16. Elizabeth permalink

    Hi! I need some advice! I would like to start with one email and then if needed, will add more.

    Could you please send me the link to purchase one email so we can get started?
    Thanks!!

    • Hi Elizabeth!

      I sent you the payment link. Once I receive it, I will email you instructions so we can begin!

  17. Hello The One,

    I’d like to buy the 3 email exchange for $35. Please can you send me the link and details?

    Thank you
    JN

    • Welcome, JN!

      I sent you the payment link. Once I receive it, I will email you instructions so we can begin. The 3 email exchanges are good for one month from the date of your payment.

  18. Allyson permalink

    Please send me the link for a one-time email exchange. Thanks so much! AA

    • Hi Allyson!

      I don’t know if that was your real full name but just in case it was, I edited it so just your first name is displayed.

      I sent you a payment link. Once I receive your payment, I will email you instructions so we can get started!

  19. c.c. permalink

    Could you please give me the link for the $12 email exchange, and send me the same advice you gave to Anne: “what to do as a married prize catch.” Thanks!

    • Hi C.C.,

      I just sent you the payment link. Once I receive your payment, I will email you instructions so we can begin!

  20. Eden permalink

    Hi The One,
    Would you mind sending me your link, as well? Not sure how much advice I’ll need, but I can start with one email exchange and add more if necessary. Thank you!

    • Welcome, Eden!

      Please check your email for the link. Once I get your payment, I will email you instructions so we can get started!

    • Eden,

      I sent you another payment link in case there is a problem with the previous one. Look forward to helping you!

  21. Grateful permalink

    I am interested in the 50.00 one.
    Please send the link.

    • Welcome, Grateful!

      Thanks for your interest. I sent you the payment link for $50. Once I receive your payment, I will email you instructions so we can begin!

  22. Grace permalink

    Hi,

    I find your blogs very helpful and would like to avail of your services.

    Would you please send me the link? Thank you.

    Regards,

    Grace

    • Welcome, Grace!

      I sent you the payment link for one Email Exchange. If you want the Three or Five Email Exchanges, let me know and I can give you the another link.

      Once I receive your payment, I will email you instructions so we can get started!

    • Grace,

      I sent you an email just now. Please reply when you get a chance! Thank you very much!

  23. Hello! I really enjoy reading your blog. I’d love to receive e-mail advice about my current situation- will you please send me the link?

    Thank you!

    • Welcome, WC!

      Thank you for your interest. I sent you a payment link. Once I receive your payment, I will email you instructions so we can begin!

  24. Linda permalink

    The One…you’ve come through yet again!
    Thank you so much for the advice…I look forward to putting it into practice. I truly feel that I have grown tremendously in my approach to dating since I came across your blog. Every so often I get lost in the journey, like I have now…and I’m so grateful that you are available to help steer me back on track. The one thing that keeps ringing in my mind now, is that ‘I set the pace.’ This just had not registered for me, and I see how losing sight of this important fact, in addition to other things, caused my budding relationship to falter. I now feel that I am armed and ready to continue on. I will keep you posted on my future developments.

    Gratefully yours,
    Linda

    • Linda,

      Thank you for posting your review of our Email Exchange! I am happy to assist anytime.

      Glad you are armed and ready! Setting the pace is right…you can do it. Enjoy being chased and cherished as you continue on this journey. You’re not lost anymore!

      All the best to you.

  25. Carrie permalink

    Thank you for the amazing advice! I did just as you suggested and it’s working! I woke up this morning to a message that read “Just wanted to note quickly that you made a hell of an impression the other day. Downright breathtaking. Sleep well with that in mind.” I am literally doing nothing but being myself and accepting dates (with notice) and turning him down for last minute invites. I have spent far too long putting on a song and dance to show men how great I am. This is so much easier! Haha I will keep you updated (with more email exchanges) as things develop. THANK YOU!!!!

    • YAY!!

      I am so happy to hear that! Wow, this guy is actually telling you to sleep like a princess! And you should! Glad it’s all sinking in. BRAVO for being the PRIZE and leaving the song and dance show BEHIND. You deserve to date in peace and be adored.

      Yes, please update me if you need feedback again! Carrie, I am thrilled for you. Thank you very much for posting!

  26. Amber permalink

    Hi there!

    I’m interested in some online dating tips. Can you send me a link? Out of all the dating blog sites I’ve read about dating, yours is the most direct and makes me feel the way a woman should while in the dating world!

    Looking forward to chatting with you!

    • Welcome Amber!

      Thanks for reading the blog! Which service listed above would you like to sign up for? Let me know and I will send you the payment link. The cost is different for each one.

  27. Carrie permalink

    Please send me the payment link for one email exchange.

    • Welcome, Carrie!

      I just emailed you the payment link. After I receive your payment, wait for my email with instructions so we can begin!

  28. Cali Gal permalink

    Hello The One,
    I need some advice. Please send me the payment link for email exchange.
    Thanks!

    • Cali Gal,

      Welcome! I emailed the link to you. I assume you want one email exchange. If you want five, let me know and I can send you a different invoice.

      • Cali Gal permalink

        Thanks The One!
        I really needed an outsider’s perspective on my situation. I appreciate you listening and responding to my questions in a thoughtful manner. Thanks for bringing me back to reality and reminding me of my role. I feel like a prize again, and he’s going to have to work for it in order to gain MY interest and attention. I look forward to our next exchange.

        You really get it, and out of all the advice out there, yours rings true.

        What makes your blog different and more effective (for lack of a better word) at getting through to women, is that you make an emphasis on the woman being a prize and the man being the suitor, and you best explain the gender roles and how they relate to each other. You basically break it down into easy to understand scenarios that women can relate to. Other sites that preach things like the rubber band theory etc, don’t explain exactly why a man does what he does or thinks like he does. They just say to let him chase you.

        You’ve explained it best. Plus what you’re staying teaches women to value themselves – body, mind and soul. I also like your perspective on technology and agree completely. It’s FAR too easy for men to be lazy and not put in effort when a multitude of women are at their fingertips. Women need to train men to value them again, not objectify them. One last thing, your explanation for why a man isn’t pursuing a woman. It takes the pressure off knowing it’s mainly about him, and his issues, not us. Again, recognizing our own value and how we deserve to be treated.That’s what I get from your blog 🙂

        Cheers 🙂

        • Cali Gal,

          Wow, thank YOU for saying that. I deeply appreciate your input. I truly enjoyed helping you. I have no doubt you have the strength and wisdom to get through what’s ahead. You’re in my thoughts!

          I’m here if you need me! All the best.

  29. Hi. I am interested in the email exchange.

    • Welcome! Please check your email.

      • Thank you The One!! I appreciate the time and effort you have put in assessing my situation. I really want to cry tears of joy right now because everything you have said was true. Although they were “harsh”, they were what I needed to hear the most because people around me would tell me the opposite of the truth. They would tell me to pursue a guy who obviously was not interested in me and would make up excuses for him. I would also fall prey to these ridiculous false indicators that women have come to relied upon to justify that the guy is interested in her. There is no proof.

        Thanks for your in-depth analysis. I was blown away when I first opened your email and realized that you analyzed every line/paragraph of the description of my situation. You explained the meaning behind each event such as why him or I said this and acted this way. You have made me realized things I have never wanted to admit about myself; I kept them hidden behind my insecurities and excuses. I also learned so much more about men – how they think, how they act, and why they act. You have also given me awesome advice and explanations. I feel like you know me so well.

        Not only did you asses my situation, you even went as far to outline and state my personal goals and gave me suggestions on what I should do. They were all reasonable and valid. You didn’t just leave me there in my predicament, but showed me that there are ways out. You showed me that I am a PRIZED CATCH and should not be hung over just this one guy. There is so much more that I can do and that I deserve the best. I love you.

        Thank you! C:

        *** If you need advice about your situation, I recommend you contacting The ONE. His blog is awesome as well, but his email/IM would provide you with a much more in depth analysis of your situation. You will feel more at ease once you talk to The One. Truly he is THE ONE looking out for you. ***

        • Starwinkle,

          Thank you so much for your kind, heartfelt words. I’m really touched! I am very happy you got so much out of our Email Exchange. I am honored you entrusted your story with me, and I know you have everything it takes to achieve those Personal Goals!

          Please let me know if there’s anything I can do for you in the future. You’re simply grrreat!

          Your comment is now on the Testimonial page!

  30. Hello The One! (& Hannah & Co.)

    Long time, no see! 🙂

    I thought I would give you an update on my ‘interesting few months’ with my (until yesterday) man! The same one that we talked about in our previous posts.

    We started seeing each other (beginning October) and the relationship moved fairly swiftly. It wasn’t long before we had the ‘ ‘exclusive’ talk and things then became intimate. All very well and good.

    However, 3 weeks ago I started to have a few issues. The main ones being: i) I was becoming a therapist for his extremely hostile relationship with his ex wife. ii) I have a much larger disposable income and on a couple of occasions, and becoming more regular, he let me pay for things rather than go Dutch. Like cinema tickets, dinner, no contribution to a holiday rental which he came to stay for 2 out of 3 nights. No contribution to the food either. (He did offer but it was awkward and it was one of those I’m offering because I should, but I don’t really want to..). He did buy me gifts though (perfume/hand cream) and sent me flowers when he went away for 3 weeks. I am a single mother with two children so I cannot fund a persons life style. I was in the process of beginning to tackle these issues when this happened:

    We were at the holiday place (I just mentioned) and had been there less than 24hrs. It was our first full two days together on our own as we both have children that live with us and free time is allusive! We were having a nice time and things were great. We had been swimming all morning, had lunch and were just relaxing. Around 3 I was very sleepy and went for a siesta (glass of wine and sea does that..!). He said he would do an hours work and then would join me. I woke up, on my own, 2.5 hours later. Initially I wasn’t bothered. I went to find him and made a coffee for us both and he stopped working (had been working the whole time). We had a quick chat over coffee and then he announced that he was feeling tired and then went off for a hours sleep. Now I was feeling a little put out. Anyway, I left a note to say to call me when he woke up and that I was going shopping for some bits for the children. He didn’t call and woke up 3 hours later. Now I was very put out. I had already had dinner and had literally just started a movie with a glass of wine. (I did not want to wake him as he said he would set his alarm and I’m not his mother!) To cut a long story short we had a discussion with him thinking I was being unreasonable/ not understanding (should have woken him up) and me saying that I felt he wasn’t making any effort. Basically, we both ended up agreeing that it wasn’t working and this morning we went our separate ways!

    So, The One, can you tell me that if he did truly love me, he wouldn’t have treated me like that?! And why do I feel devastated and not relieved that I have had a lucky escape?! Should I block his number etc? There is no reason why I should keep it and I will find it hard to resist a text, should he send one? I’m not a believer in getting back together once things have ended, especially like this?! I also got the impression that he wanted to leave the door open, so to speak! Bit insulting I thought?! Any advice, would be very much appreciated and adhered too! 🙂 xx

    (P.S. Your email service is a great idea! I’m going to use that on my next foray into the dating game!!)

    • Bell,

      Nice to hear from you again! Sorry things turned out the way they did.

      • Yes please! xx

        • Bell,

          Great! Please check your email. I sent you the payment link. Once I get your payment, we can get started!

          I have lots to tell you….been thinking about what you wrote and can’t wait to share with you what I have in mind!

  31. Hi yes.
    Can we do ti today at 10:30am cst. Going for a run in a few mins and then we can do it
    Also if I want your advise consistently after my mails/times are up can we continue ? I will pay your fee. Let me know. Thanks

    • Hi Mari! please check your emails. I sent something to you. Sorry for the confusion!

    • Yes, Mari, I can continue to advise you after the five email exchanges.

      When we’re all done with them, I will send you another payment link to continue.

  32. Let me know when we can start and can we do it via my personal email?
    Thanks

    • I just sent you an email. Please let me know if that is the correct email you wish to use.

  33. Spring66 permalink

    This was such a thoughtful response. Really lovely and made me feel better. Thank you for taking the time.

    Now if he would only contact so I can show I’ve disappeared. Sigh…

    🙂

  34. Spring66 permalink

    Hello

    I am a 47 year old professional with a 4 year old daughter. I am separated and close to finishing my divorce.

    I met an attorney 4 months ago. He is the first intimate relationship I have had since leaving my former husband two years ago.

    The attorney pursued me in the beginning. Offer to take me away one weekend and book two separate rooms if I was concerned regarding intimacy so soon (I believe this offer came around date number 3). At the time I remember thinking how sweet this was but warning signs went off that he was rushing things. Date three instead was a nice dinner in Boston.

    He is quite successful and took me to nice places. He lived at one of the hotels in the city. I can’t say this really impressed me as I am older and well, pretty is as pretty does goes through my mind a lot. When I arrived at his apartment, there were always flowers and a gift for my daughter. Date no 2 included receiving a card thanking me for “opening my eyes to experiencing all that’s good and nice in the world “. I was so happy. I found a wonderful man who seemed to like me.

    I want to mention I always drove into the city to meet him. He paid for everything, my parking etc. I did this because I live in the suburbs and don’t want my neighbors to see me on a date. More importantly, my daughter will not meet anyone I date until I am ready to marry again, which I will. I know this is wrong. But at the time I didn’t care because I didn’t know if I liked him and thought, what the hell… Go have fun.

    Lastly, he never called me. Only once, at the beginning if our relationship. He only text. Even dates were planned via text.

    I slept with him on date no 5. I don’t even think I liked him. It was the first time for both of us since we left our spouses.

    After that, it was our routine. and as your blog mentioned, I start to fall hard for a man I wasn’t even attracted to in the beginning.

    Our dates to nice restaurants no longer happened. They were more spontaneous when I arrived at his Place ie, no effort.

    Well, the turning point is this. We haven’t seen each other in two weeks. There has been no text. And lets face it, men can text anytime, anywhere regardless of busy schedules I cried for a week. More due to bruised ego. Who does he think he is? I am beautiful (told me all the time) and successful.

    Well, I believe I am experiencing a vanishing act. I didn’t think this could happen at my age. I will not email him (well I wrote one but know better not to send!). I will not call him. I will not even send a nice send off email to wish him well. F@$k him.

    So two things have helped me this past week. A lame bumper sticker on the highway telling me to “live the life I love” AND your blog!!!

    Thank you for your time in writing this information we all know exists and is not the exception to the rule. We all like to think we are the exception, don’t we.

    So here’s my question? If men only text you for contact, is this appropriate behavior? Men have it way to easy to communicate with woman (or avoidance on doing so with effort)

    • Spring,

      What you are going through isn’t easy. But it’s great you are open to learning and are changing what you’re doing. Welcome!

      You’re better off just leaving him alone. If you need private advice from me, please sign up at Get In-Depth Advice Now for confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you.

  35. Wallflower and a half permalink

    UPDATE: (so sorry to bother you again but honestly, I would genuinely pay for your time and advice – it’s SO spot on! Do you officially do any email counselling or anything like that?)
    okay so I actively ignored him and he called me three more times today (in addition to the 2 times in my earlier post). I picked up the third time (that was the 5th call in total). He was super normal and nice and said he wanted to take me out for dinner as he hasn’t in ages. I just said I’ve been busy with coursework and that we had people over earlier etc. We had a really normal, nice conversation and he made NO MENTION WHATSOEVER of what he’d said earlier over text (“we need to talk, are you free for a coffee today?”)
    We just chatted really casually and normally, had a catch up about work etc. And I ended the call first saying I need to go do my coursework now.
    I just find it REALLY odd to go from getting a text like that to being told on the phone that he wanted to see me and take me out for dinner… Is it possible that just a day of ignoring his messages/ calls could make him change his mind (if he had intended to break up with me)?
    I also didn’t address the fact that he’d said we need to talk, since he was being so normal and nice.

    • Hi Wallflower,

      Yes, I offer advice via email exchange. For $50, we can do 5 email exchanges.This way I can spend more time analyzing your situation and the issues that I don’t normally do with my online replies. Let me know if you’d be interested!

      The 5 email exchanges are good for up to one month. So you can spread your emails out to me as follow ups.

      • Mari permalink

        Hi my name is Mari
        Do you still offer 5 email exchanges for $50?

        • Hi Mari,

          Welcome! Yes, I do. Let me know if you are interested and I will send you an email for payment (credit card, debit card, or bank transfer accepted).

          Once I receive your payment, I will notify you so you can you send me your first email including your question. The five emails must be used within a month of the date of the first email you send.

          Everything is confidential.

  36. Wallflower and a half permalink

    Thank you so much for your response. I stuck to my guns and left him alone and today, after 7 days of no contact, he texted me saying “Hey we need to talk, are you free for a coffee today?”
    I haven’t yet responded as I’m busy with coursework and offended that he expects me to drop whatever I’m doing and be free to meet him so last minute. He’s texted me again since, just with my name, followed by three exclamation marks (obviously trying to get my attention). He has also called me once but I didn’t answer.
    I’m planning to leave it until later tonight and say something along the lines of “sorry, today has been mad and I’ve got several deadlines this week” and maybe ask if we could meet next weekend.
    His initial text sounds like there’s a breakup on the cards. Is there any way that I can turn this around before we meet to ‘talk’?
    He has also tried to call me again just now.

    • Don’t tell him why you’re busy. Just let him know you are. When you’re mysterious, he will want to see you and find out what you’re up to.

      • Wallflower and a half permalink

        Thank you again for your response – email exchange information. I am a student, and in between jobs at the moment so I don’t think I can actually afford the email exchange at this moment in time, but it is definitely something I would want to do once I have the means to do so – hopefully in the near future!

        So for that first week (after that 7 days of no contact) he really seemed to have fixed up. He called me everyday after work, even if it was just for 5-10mins, which was great, especially since I had never addressed my issue with the regular 4-5 days of no contact that had been commonplace previously. He was calling me of his own accord. And on Tuesday he asked if he could take me out for dinner on Friday. When I saw him (not this Friday, but the one before), he was extremely attentive and affectionate and loving. I was happy, receptive and positive the whole time. He seemed genuinely happy to see me and spend time with me and took me out on Saturday too, after which I went home.

        So this has been the second week of things being ‘back on track’ so to speak. He texted me being VERY sweet on Monday and Tuesday, hinting a few times about when I’d next be free but because it was somewhat vague, I evaded it, knowing that he could ask me outright. So I didn’t respond to a vague message on Tuesday and so he texted me again on wednesday. Instead of being caught up in the ambiguity, I responded by calling him several hours later. On the phone he commented “you didn’t reply to my text” and I said “yeah, I was out that’s why I’m calling now.” And he added “what about yesterday? You didn’t reply then”. I played dumb and acted like I thought I had replied/ didn’t remember. I find it funny that it bothered him (is this a sign/ of any significance?) since I have never once called him out on not responding to me. On the phone, he asked outright to see me on Sunday, adding that I can stay at his for a few days. I agreed since he asked several days in advance. However he hasn’t contacted me since our call on Wednesday night. He is a man of his word and never cancels or leaves me waiting/ hanging. So (based on his usual demeanour) I expect to hear from him by tonight or tomorrow morning to arrange a specific time and place to meet.

        I presume that he hasn’t contacted me because, since he knows he is going to see me on Sunday, he doesn’t feel the need to. I’m thinking that I will see him Sunday and stay just one night. However, I won’t tell him that I’ll be going home on Monday (he expects/ wants me to stay a few days). I’m thinking to just go home while he is at work so that when he gets home and realises I’m not there, he’ll wonder where I am. Obviously he will ask where I am/ why I’m not there and I won’t respond immediately, but much much later that night, I’ll vaguely/ briefly respond explaining that something urgent came up and I had to go (invoking mystery/ shattering his expectations that I would be there). I’m also planning to pull back even more after seeing him on Sunday and being unavailable next weekend, without any explanation (I actually do have family commitments anyway). What are your thoughts?

        I guess I’m worried about these 2-3 days of no contact. While his effort all of last week and at the start of this week showed a lot of promise and a really positive improvement, the past two days has left me wondering if things are slipping again. I’d really like him to maintain his communication efforts consistently and continue on the positive trajectory that he has established recently because, clearly, he is capable of making an effort.

        Also, as previously, I still never initiate contact, unless it’s in response to him.

        P.s. I am also toying with the idea of (IF he doesn’t at least try to get in touch by the end of today), then when he contacts me tomorrow, saying “oh I wasn’t sure you still wanted to meet since you didn’t mention anything” and then not see him

        • Wallflower and a half permalink

          Also in regard to my relationship situation, I’ve taken your advice overall. I saw him the previous two weekends (he asked in advance both times and was lovely and very affectionate, I only stayed one night each time). I’d already decided I wouldn’t see him this weekend and actually ended up taking a very last minute trip to visit family for a few days on Thursday (I told him the night before) and he was annoyed about me not telling him sooner. But I’ve spoken to him since I got back today and it’s all been fine. He originally said he couldn’t see me next weekend because of a new project he’s starting at work that he needs to study for but then he said I could come over on Friday. I want him to take me out but I’m not sure how to/ if I should push for it because he will have had a long day at work and also, though he is happy to take me out on proper dates sometimes, he can be somewhat careful with money and prefers to get takeaway or a ready meal. That being said, usually when I see him, even if he is not taking me on a proper date, we will wander around London and do something or the other. I should also add that he pays £30 extra rent every month so that I have permission to stay there. I’m assuming that if we stay in on Friday, we will probably do something on Saturday, even if it’s just walk around London and go shopping. Basically, I don’t want him to feel forced to take me out or resentful about having to pay. Also, in terms of contact – the most he has gone without any contact recently has been 1-2 days: a definite improvement on the 4-5 days that had become the norm previously. Thank you for all of your initial advice!

          • Wallflower,

            I read your previous posts. I’m really impressed. It looks like when you stuck to your guns and was elusive, only responding to advance bookings and dates, he stepped up!

            So you know IT WORKS. Glad he has upped his contact frequency — thanks to you paying attention in class and your tremendous discipline!

            I urge you to Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

            Hope to assist you!

  37. The One ~ You have a great blog! I just found it tonight and have read most of the entries! I am so intrigued! I always thought this “rules” stuff was sort of for the birds but I am guilty of making excuses for men.

    I am a single mom of a 9month old so sometimes I feel like I won’t find a man who will accept us as a package deal.
    I am SEPARATED from his dad, currently seeking a legal divorce.
    A friend from college started complimenting my pictures, commenting on my statuses and privately messaging me on Facebook too so I asked him out for coffee to catch up and I told him that I did find him interesting. He admitted to me that he was almost brave enough to ask me out but says he didn’t think I’d go for a guy “like him”, he is a self proclaimed “geek”.
    ANYWAYS, after reading some of your articles I see my first mistake was asking him out, second mistake is complimenting him (I’ve told him I think he is handsome, etc)
    He surprised me at my work today with my favorite drink (the one I ordered when we got coffee) and he has invited me to dinner this coming week.
    We text a lot and also use Snapchat frequently. He messages me very frequently through out the day and I almost always reciprocate. We started as friends and are now “dating” I suppose so my question is this:
    How do I step up my game to go from the friend/acquaintance he considered out of his league to being that PRIZE? I will still be myself of course, he told me today during his surprise visit how sweet I am. I want to make sure that I am taking the right steps to keep him pursuing me. I have also been honest and clear with him about my separation and he knows I am waiting on divorce to finalize.
    If it matters, we are in our mid twenties. The closest we have come to physical touch is only a hug, which I initiated today when he surprised me at work. Should I let him hug me first instead?
    I am sorry for so many questions, I am so new to all these concepts and instead of being cheated on and lied to like my previous marriage I want a stable, respectful relationship that enhances my life (and my partners)

    Thank you for your time and more importantly, your blog

    Sincerely,
    A

    • A,

      Welcome to the blog!

      Congrats on recognizing your mistakes. This saves me from having to point them out. Let him initiate dates, kisses, and hugs, and after he does, reward him with your interest by accepting dates, kissing him back, and hugging him back. That is how you keep him wanting MORE.

      After he’s taken you out to dinner three whole times, THEN you can reciprocate. Read the article on the blog about that.

      Be busy all the time, and when you speak to him or see him, always be friendly, gracious, and sweet. Always be happy to see him. Men love the power to make women happy.

      But don’t let yourself fall into a routine. He’ll get bored that way. Men want to know IF they can catch you. They don’t want to be handed a Certificate of 100% Guarantee.

  38. Good Morning The One,

    I need your help. I am at dire straits. Like many, I’ve been doing the wrong things (dating wise) for-like-ever and like most, I’m tired of the consequences that follow my actions.

    My Issue:

    Me and the gentleman that I am/was interested in have known each other for appx. 30 years. We are both early 40’s with grown children and honestly shouldn’t be having dating/relationship issues at our age(s).

    Ok, so the gentleman and I lost contact in the early 90’s and did not see each other again until around 2007. He had opened a gym in the neighborhood that I was living in at the time so I went in for membership information. We were so shocked to see each other (or at least I was) that I pretended to not know him. He did the same, but after I joined and became a regular, he started to joke with his employees about how we grew up together (which is true) and how we went to prom together (not sure about this one–I went to many proms) and I don’t remember going with him. Truth is, I remember everything about him from his family members to his birthday (which is the day after mine), but not this prom date that comes up weekly….and yes he still jokes about HIM being stood up.

    After I joined the gym, we found out that he and I lived in the same rental community and we agreed to get together and cook. I arrived to his apartment with the meat (as was the agreement), but we didn’t cook. We talked for hours and had really awkward sex (for the first time–with each other). After that, “I” made several dates, that he agreed to, but did not follow through with. If I remember correctly, “he said” it was because the gym was in its infancy and as the owner he has to be there (7 days per week) to make sure everything is ok. Needless to say, I stopped my pursuit (because that’s what it was) and made myself scarce. I started working out elsewhere (or nowhere at all) and it wasn’t because we couldn’t get along. It was because, when I don’t wanna see your face…”I don’t wanna see your face”.

    We had no verbal/visual contact for about 5 years (just the occasional merry xmas, happy birthday texts). We ran into each other in May of 2012 and spoke briefly. Sadly, he was on his way to his Grandmother’s funeral so it was brief. I gave him a hug and my condolences, then watched him leave.

    Fast forward to May of 2013. I remembered the day that his Grandmother past and sent him a lengthy text asking how he was doing. I knew he wouldn’t be doing well because she was very important to him. Turns out, he was sulking (alone) and was impressed that I had remembered. I went to the gym about two weeks later to check up on him (per his request) and ended up re-joining. I purchased some training sessions and he became my trainer. After about two months of training with him, he started to make subtle comments about us (i.e. dating, marriage etc.). I ignored the subtle comments for another two months and then I got a little annoyed. I told him, “if you want to go out, let’s go out”. We made two dates and he stood me up for both. The first date was a day-long, fishing trip. Didn’t happen because someone called off and he had to open/close the gym. I don’t remember why he stood me up the second time, but at our next training session, I lit into him (with nice, but firm words and a smile) and told him “that part” of our relationship was over. I told him that he is my trainer and I am his client…and that is enough for me. he begged, begged and begged some more…for another chance and I gave in…and…he showed up for the date…early!

    He was a perfect gentleman. He opened doors, took me to one of my favorite restaurants and was fully engaged the whole night. When he took me home, he asked me to come over to his house for awhile. I did (and I knew why I was going). I slept with him and I slept over. We had sex for the 2nd (and final) time, then I left and went to the gym. He had already told me earlier that he was cancelling our A.M. session because he was tired (so I didn’t expect to see him). That was an early Monday morning (that I left him). He texted me Tuesday afternoon. I didn’t answer the text on Tuesday because I didn’t want to talk and/or recap. I was fine and I thought he’d be okay with my “see you, when I see you” attitude. I cancelled my Wednesday training session (with the desk agent) because I still wasn’t ready to talk. I did work out everyday, but I was careful to do it early in the mornings as to avoid him (he is not a morning person). I honestly did not have any hidden agenda; I was just in a mood. I’m a cancer (aka hermit/loner) and sometimes I need to be alone with my thoughts. He is the same EXACT way. By Thursday afternoon he texts me, asking me why I was ignoring him. I didn’t answer the text….because…uhh…I didn’t have an answer. Thursday night he had an employee call me to cancel our Friday training session. I didn’t want him to continue feeling bad (if that’s what he was feeling) so the next day, I CALLED him (because adults CALL out of concern. they don’t text out of concern). He didn’t answer. I texted him a few hours after that. He didn’t reply, so I left it at that and enjoyed my weekend.

    So on Monday, I showed up for training. He was none to happy with me (as displayed by his words and actions), so I asked to speak with him in Private. I decided to apologize to clear the air and because I had obviously offended and/or hurt his feelings (maybe his pride). I also tried the “let’s just be friends” conversation, but he said NO (emphatically), followed by reasons we should continue to date. It’s only been 5 days, but since that day, we’ve communicated via phone twice; 1 text and 1 actual phone call. Both were initiated by me, more out of “feeling bad” for ignoring him last week, than because I wanted to communicate.

    I guess my question to you, would be how to break this off or ignore him without it damaging our client/trainer relationship. We have done amazing work together and my body thanks him. I don’t want a different trainer, but I’m kind of exhausted with his half-attempts at dating me (if you can call them that). We’ve tried to date for almost 3 months (prior to the one and only date–mentioned above), but his 7 day work week and many employee/employer crises have left me “stood up” way too much for my comfort level. I’m pretty sure it’s because of all the dating disappointments before and his brooding about being ignored (when he is the King Of Ignoring) that has me shunning him romantically.

    Other than being too busy running his gym, as well as, working as a trainer and being a full time student, he’s a great guy. Definitely hardworking, intelligent and healthy. There are no women waiting in the wings (his last girlfriend died a year ago) and he’s more of a one-woman man. With that being said, he’s also insensitive and inconsiderate where dating is concerned. Again, he says it’s because of the business and wants me to be patient, but I don’t care. We’re in our 40’s…if not now, when? The leader of the free world (President Obama) finds time for a date night and parenting… and he has to run an entire country, surely the gym man would find time (if he really wanted to).

    After my next three sessions, I plan to disappear for at least two weeks. I want to do a full detox, which would be too much to pair up with his rigorous training. I’m not gonna tell him what I’m doing (because I don’t want his advice); I’m just gonna leave a message at the counter. I’m hoping that when I return, we can be JUST trainer and client again. I’m not mentally over him romantically, however, I absolutely am NOT interested in dating him anymore. I’ll work my feelings (for him) out during my detox.

    Can you offer me any advice on how to deal with him before I disappear and for when I reappear. I’ll have to see him for 3 more sessions (1 week) before I go?

    Thanks for all your help.

    P.S. It doesn’t matter to me if you’re a woman, man, child or myth, I’m grateful for all of your help and will gladly buy anything you have for sale.

    LR

    • LR,

      Welcome to the blog!

      I see a big red flag. Since 2007, he’s stood you up twice and was only able to take you out on ONE DATE successfully. That tells me no matter what he says and how much he pleads, he is not SUITOR-material. He is either not ready or able to court a woman for whatever reason.

      You just need to live a life where you do not have your emotions toyed with. Yet you say you want to still be working with him as his client.

      I don’t see how you could do it in such a short time. You’ll need a detox period of a lot longer than two weeks. When you have residual feelings for someone, they interfere with your day-to-day life. These feelings are a nuisance because you are attached to the man while not enjoying the benefits of attachment. It is unnecessary suffering.

      I have more to say to you on all of this. For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

  39. Wallflower and a half permalink

    I’ve just come across your blog and it’s incredible! The time you’ve taken to respond to people is also so admirable. I can empathise with some of the women who have posted and I really think it’s so great of you to be there to assist and advise in such an honest, straightforward way. I really hope that you can help me. I apologise for the long post but I would REALLY appreciate a response.

    So I’ve been in a relationship for four months now, with a man who has seemed to be losing interest/ making less effort for the past two months. Early on he was very attentive and caring. Within a week of dating he’d broached the topic of exclusivity and before long (and of his volition) I was his girlfriend. He also said ‘I love you’ first and he generally imitated everything in the relationship. In the early days (the first month or so) I stayed at his place constantly since we were both free over summer and we were pretty much inseparable – he always wanted me around.

    He started work two months ago in a very demanding job where he works more than 12 hours a day and has moved to a new place. Although I do not stay with him as much anymore, I have my own set of keys (although he makes it clear that I cannot stay whenever I feel like it).

    Basically, over the past two months I have felt a decline in the amount of effort he makes. He doesn’t take me on proper dates anymore and is much less affectionate than he used to be. He holds my hand when we’re walking around and usually cuddles me at night. But he doesn’t compliment me and hardly tells me that he loves me now. The other problem is that we often go 4-5 days with no contact at all. I think that (aside from his long hours) one reason for this could be that I used to stay at his place 4-5 days of the week and so it was generally fine for us to go a few days with no contact. But with his new hours, I only stay there most weekends (1-2 nights) but we still don’t really speak during the week, which bothers me.

    I try to be a patient, understanding woman and because I usually see him once a week (or every other week at least), I do not contact him unless it’s a matter of importance (because I know how long his working days are and I don’t want to bother him or seem clingy). So usually 4-5 days will pass with no contact at all, and then he will call me acknowledging that “we haven’t spoken in ages” and will want to know how I am and what I have been up to.

    Recently I feel very taken for granted due to the long periods of no contact and the decrease in verbal and physical affection from him. Early on he would be incredibly sweet and expressive both in person and over text. All of that has pretty much evaporated. I should also add that despite seeming so ‘quiet’ on the contact front these days, he speaks to and sees me more than anybody else (friends or family). He is not antisocial as such, but he is very independent and happy in his own company. Just to add some context, we are both in our early twenties.

    My question(s):
    – How can I inspire him to pursue me again?
    – Is going 4-5 days with no contact at all in a committed relationship a red flag?
    – How can I stop the 4-5 days with no contact?
    – How should I feel and react to his significant decrease in affection and the fact that he hardly tells me he loves me anymore?

    • Welcome to the blog!

      It was too hot to handle from the beginning. When it sizzles right away, it usually fizzles.

      You did not slow him down enough. When he asked you to be his girlfriend only after a week, you should have said, “Let me get to know you a bit more.” And then let him keep asking you out on dates until you are good and ready.

      Instead, you took the keys to his place and spent all week with him. You put yourself in the Danger Zone right away, and now wonder why he isn’t ignoring you?

      For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

  40. miss_so permalink

    The one,

    Thanks for your reply.
    My last relationship took my confidence and trust in men away, but i did follow your advice, Crazy chick (fake profile) is gone!
    I will turn down his invites to go to his house. Do you have a way to do so?
    If he says: -Let me cook dinner for you next saturday, i do a beautiful salmon.
    I dont want to be rude and just say no. Please give me a few answer sample.

    You have been such a good help, thanks for your time and great advice.

    Miss So.

  41. miss_so permalink

    Hi,
    I came across your blog a few days ago and i have to say, i am obsessed with it. I find it quite similar to “The rules” and i know for a fact that it works.

    So, i have been religiously following the rules for the first time with G. and it worked. Been on 5 dates, never initiated anything (texts, calls, dates, payed…) I really like him, i havent felt this way in a long time, i find it so hard to not jump on the phone and express these feelings to him.
    I have been the most patient i have ever been, i am dying to ask where this is going and if he feels the same.

    Anyways, your ways have worked, he is hooked, he sends me texts during the day (which i maybe reply to in the evening when i am about to fall asleep) he calls me at least once every two day (which i sometimes dont answer) he invites me for drinks, dinners, bowling, dancing and most recently to his house for a pre Halloween party where he introduced me to all his close friends.

    That night, we had quite a few drinks and i ended up staying over, like half of his friends, but i had the luxury to sleep in his bed with him, erm, i realised then that he is quite the sexual type, basically didnt let me sleep, lots of touching, rubbing… but no sex, which i refused and he seemed ok with it, he didnt force it, he even promised that it wouldn’t happen.
    Anyways, i kind of disappeared after that evening, but he kept calling and organised another date the following week. We went for drinks and it was good but he clearly is very touchy and sexually attracted to me (talking a little dirty in my ears, putting his hands on my bottom…)
    I will not have sex with him until we are bf and gf.

    What shall i do if he invites me over for dinner though? I dont want to refuse him and he loses interests.

    He is away for 2 weeks travelling at the moment, but he still texts me goodnight, he told me he misses me and he even booked another date for us for when he gets back, he also said a few times that he likes me.
    So, so far so good, we are taking things slow, i like him a lot, he likes me…

    BUT,

    I havent been completely honest,
    we met on a dating website, we spoke about 4 times before exchanging numbers and then i suspended my account, not because of him, just because i had enough.
    After my third date with him, i felt the urge to create a fake profile to keep up with his activities on the dating website, I know its desperate, but i needed to know if i could trust him.
    I started talking to him with the fake account, coming on to him quite fast, telling him i have a boyfriend and i dont want anything serious, i also use quite an annoying tone and spelling and big smiley faces, but he likes her which i just dont get! he wants to meet her!!! And me wanting to know where this can go, i have agreed to go on a date with him.
    Why is he doing that? He says he likes me and loves to get to know me, but then messages that horrible girl (fake account) and asks her out.

    What shall i do? Can i trust him?

    I know we are just dating and not exclusive yet, but if he likes me he wouldn’t want to start dating another girl at the same time, who knows how many other girls as well…

    What do i do?
    Is it normal?

    I know its quite a lot to take in, i am desperately seeking your help as my friends just don’t understand the rules and are not giving the right advice.

    Thanks so much for your support.

    Ps: English isn’t my first language so forgive me for the mistakes.

    • Miss So,

      So he is very sexual with you. You turn him on. He can’t help it. The main thing is, don’t go spending the night at his house and only go out on dates with him in a public venue. You don’t want him to use you for sex. You want him to fall in love with you FIRST.

      Once you have a man’s heart, he will do everything he can to make you happy. That’s the goal.

      I’d like to tell you a lot more. Please sign up at Get In-Depth Advice Now for confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

  42. I would like to delete a comment I posted under one of your topics because I put my whole name. I can’t delete it myself. Can you help?

  43. SoulGlo permalink

    The One,
    I am desperately seeking advice and after reading several of your blogs, I’m hoping your words of wisdom can bring relief and direction.

    While being separated from my husband of 7 years, I fell deeply in love with someone else, as they did me. In passing, an old classmate, whom I rarely spoke to in high school, locked eyes while saying “hello”, sparking something that seemed to feel surreal, yet almost perfect. I cant explain what I later learned was a feeling we both shared. So intense. So right. So fitting. A couple of days later, I suddenly received a message on Facebook filled with compliments and how great it felt running into me 10 years later. After that, convo became constant, almost an all day event, and we spent more and more time together every chance we got! He knew I was married but separated with children, as I knew he was in a 12yr relationship. I cant tell you why I didnt give that info a second thought, but I didnt. Four months later, we had sex for the first time…2 months later he told me he was in love and that I was to blame. Although I was shocked and speechless because I didnt expect we would even get that far, I couldnt deny that I was falling for him too…so I told him. Ive never loved anyone as I do him and have never been loved the way he loves me,not even with the man Im married to! I will always love my husband but due to our traumatic past and differences, I will never be in love with him again no matter what he trys or buys. I can honestly say, it has nothing to do with where my heart lies now

    Well, 2 years later and I’m still just as in love with this person as I was from the start. However, my husband, our two boys and I are together again as a family…not for my happiness but because I chose to sacrifice my happiness for that of my children, and he’s still with his girlfriend of now 14yrs. Unfortunately, the reconnecting of my husband and I resulted in “my secret” now very distant. We barely conversate or see one another and its the worst feeling! I feel its not fair considering he’s involved with someone as well, yet I know I am to blame to a certain extent because we were slowly building an exclusive relationship as 2 people in love should do…then I suddenly decided to reconnect my family so my boys would be happy. I ruined it I think, even though he says he understands and love and care for me no less…including my boys whom he met after we began getting serious. I’m not the type of woman with traffic and always keep my kids my TOP priority, #1!

    Here I am feeling stuck, miserable, disappointed and wrong. My heart and soul are in love and attached/complimented by this other guy, yet I’m afraid to leave my husband for many reasons, but the potential damage it could again bring my boys have me stuck. I don’t know what to do…HELP!!!!!!SHOULD I LET GO OF GUY#2? SHOULD I LEAVE MY HUBBY AND BE HAPPY AS I DESERVE? HELP!!!

    🙂

    • SoulGlo,

      Well, I see some problems here!

      1. You did not have a clean divorce from your husband, so you weren’t 100% available and free to date anybody else. Yet you went ahead and fell in love with a guy who already had a girlfriend.

      The problem with not being 100% divorced with papers in hand or framed on the wall is because there is potential (even a tiny window of opportunity) to get back with your spouse. This is for women AND men. It is much easier to convince yourself to get back together with a spouse than it is to get back together with an EX-HUSBAND.

      2. The fact is this guy CHEATED on his girlfriend to be with you. What does that say? It says he has the tendency to cheat. And if he didn’t before, he does now. Anything we do ONCE we can do again. It is much harder to do something the FIRST TIME than it is to do it the SECOND TIME.

      Therefore, even if you do end up with this guy, it will be easy for him to cheat on YOU too. You have to decide if this is the kind of man you want.

      3. You chose to be back with your husband for your kids. But at a great sacrifice that could have been avoided had you and your husband sat down and worked something out so your kids can continue to have a relationship with him after a divorce. That is what cooperation and collaboration are about — CO-PARENTING. Children do not have to be deprived of either parent just because the parents aren’t together.

      Unless you are a robot, you can only be miserable in your present situation. A miserable mom isn’t what your kids need. You and your husband need to be open to structuring your lives in a way where it works for your kids, without denying yourselves (you AND your husband) meaningful loving partnerships you both deserve to have.

      4. You dated a guy with no consideration for his poor girlfriend. Unless they have a open relationship and ok with it, being with an attached man is something a PRIZE CATCH just does not do. It is not in her best interest, it screams of desperation, and it is dishonorable to someone else’s exclusivity.

      5. When two people are not 100% free and available to date each other and form a solid relationship, what happens is there is a lot of romantic fantasy — pent-up excitement and anticipation of the fulfillment of this fantasy. Nothing is based on reality, which is that neither of you were in a position to be in a loving committed relationship with each other. The relationship is really just a soap opera. A fairy tale. A novel. A movie you watch on screen.

      Everything is intensified: the feelings, the physical touches, the sex, the words, the romance. EVERYTHING. Therefore, it seems you found your SOULMATE, and your love is TRUE and EVERLASTING and you’re Romeo and Juliet.

      Except you’re not. You’re two people who are stuck in relationships that you either can’t or don’t want to get out of. Yes, there was a magical connection, but based on an overblown fantasy that blew up like bomb.

      Now that the ashes have fallen and turned to dust, what do you have? Just your anguish that he can’t step up and turn that fantasy into a reality…and neither can you.

      Before you make any drastic moves, I suggest you go to counseling to get some perspective on yourself and your life. After you have sufficiently healed and attained some new wisdom, you can then decide if you ought to stay or leave your husband for good.

      I warn you, being single again will not make him available to be with you. He may never leave his girlfriend. If you leave your husband, it needs to be for YOUR OWN HAPPINESS, whether there is a man or not waiting in the wings. It can’t be for that guy.

      Divorce only if your head has cleared, you have let go of all hope for a relationship with that guy, and you’re emotionally ready to move on and build a happy life for yourself.

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