How to Show Your Interest in a Man
Accept his invitation for a date.
THAT’S IT.
Anything else reeks of desperation.
You’re a PRIZE CATCH. A prize catch values herself and is never desperate.
She is a challenge.
If you think there is more to showing interest in a man, you’re reading the wrong blog.
HOWEVER, and it’s a big giant H O W E V E R ….
There is ONE circumstance where you can catch a man’s attention, peak his interest, and open the door for opportunities.
What is this circumstances? You mean to tell me you can initiate?
No. You cannot initiate. But you can give him PERMISSION. You can give him a GREEN LIGHT. The green light of perceiving you as someone he can approach, speak to, and pursue.
How do you do it?
When is the best time to do it?
Under what circumstances should you NOT do this?
What are the possible consequences?
Should you flirt? How?
What type of man responds well to flirting and what type of man doesn’t?
How do you let him know you’re interested without diminishing your mystery or scaring him away?
How do you make him feel comfortable and at ease yet peak his interest at the same time?
Find out now! $15 HOW TO SHOW YOUR INTEREST IN A MAN EGuide (11 pages) ADD TO CART
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Let Men Chase You 
Hi One Truth,
Recently, I made a commitment to be more proactive with online dating. I’ve noticed that fewer men are seeing my dating profile online (this seems to happen for older dating profiles). What do think about “liking” a guy’s profile or photo first? How about being the first to send a message hello? Not everyone checks their visitor’s list to see who has viewed their profile.
Thank you as always!
Jane
Jane,
If you get the EGuide “Online Dating”, you’ll read about all the pitfalls of “liking” a guy first. It boils down to your own strength and discipline. Are you able to stop at any time once you do this? What if he only responds to your initiation and never initiates himself? Will you be able to stop initiating if you get used to getting a response from him?
After a while of getting used to eliciting a response from a guy, it is easy to keep going. After all, it worked getting his attention. If you do this, remember he needs to ask to meet you in person and not keep you dangling online.
Thanks, One Truth. That makes sense. I think I’d end it at just a wink or a like. Any actual conversation will have to be initiated by him. Just want to mention that your advice has been invaluable. I recently went speed dating and met a guy who has started pursuing me. I’ve followed all of your advice and he seems eager to secure a date with me. The only downside is that I’m not sure if I am really attracted to him. But this is far better a problem than dealing with him losing interest in me because I was desperately pursuing him! Thanks a million. It’s great to see real results from your guides and advice!
Jane,
You’re very welcome! Glad the EGuides have been helpful. The principles do work and practicing them all the time will pay off when you do meet someone you are attracted to. All the best with online dating and speed dating. You have the secret weapons now!
What do you do if no men are asking you out?
A,
Good question!
The 21st century is not about sitting pretty hoping a guy will notice you. Just being female is no longer enough.
Men are viewing women less as helpless damsels and more as equals so you have to have something to offer them. However, their manhood still needs respect in order for them to feel masculine, so it’s a delicate balance.
You will need to start with yourself and who you are. Begin with the “Be a Prize Catch Single” EGuide that prepares you psychologically for living that Prize Catch life. Then read on to find out about the various ways of getting yourself sufficient exposure.
I also recommend “How to Show Your Interest in a Man” so you can turn the tables and not be the waiting wallflower.
When you know how to show your interest in a Prize Catch way, you increase the opportunities of meeting men. Example: say there are two potential suitors you come across. One of them is a chaser and is interested in you. The other one thinks you’d reject him and thus doesn’t chase you. If you know how to show your interest to the one who is afraid of rejection but who is interested, you’d get TWO SUITORS instead of just one.
It’s mathematics.
Being a Prize Catch may feel totally alien for some women. Change takes time and practice. Start this IMMERSION program that will bring about changes from your INNER SELF to OUTER BEHAVIOR, to REALITY, and ultimately your EXPERIENCES.
Hi One Truth,
“When you know how to show your interest in a Prize Catch way, you increase the opportunities of meeting men. Example: say there are two potential suitors you come across. One of them is a chaser and is interested in you. The other one thinks you’d reject him and thus doesn’t chase you. If you know how to show your interest to the one who is afraid of rejection but who is interested, you’d get TWO SUITORS instead of just one.”
I bought the “How to Show Your Interest in a Man” EGuide a few months ago, and I’ve read it several times, but I don’t see how it addresses this quote (above) from your response to A. Could you please point out the page # and paragraph of the EGuide where it implies/explains how to show interest to a man who might be “afraid of rejection”? Thanks!
Moonbeam,
Thanks for getting the EGuide. I didn’t write anything regarding men who are afraid of rejection in the EGuide, because you don’t know if they are afraid or not unless they confess something like this to you, “I’m so glad you talked to me first because I never thought I’d be able to get you to go out with me!”
Everything I suggested in the EGuide is about what actions to take PRIOR to you knowing how they feel about you.
Keep in mind you never know which guy is afraid of rejection who at the same time would be interested in you — UNTIL you show your interest (in the manner I advised in my EGuide). The only ones you know for sure who are interested are the ones who ask you out, with or without the need for you to bait them with your attention.
If you only wait for a guy to notice you first and speak to you first, the only type of guy who will do so will be the ones who aren’t afraid of rejection. That lowers the chances of men who could potentially be your suitor.
Double the odds for yourself. But no matter how he becomes acquainted with you, he MUST get your number and ask you out. If he can’t do that, he is not a suitor. Don’t collect time-wasters.
If a man only wants to become a platonic friend and you’re not into him either, ask him to introduce you to potential suitors. What I’m saying is, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Turn a non-suitor into an opportunity. Why not?!
Hello the one. Firstly I would like to thank you for this blog. I am however needing your opininion. There is a guy who seems to like me..he has given me his number (not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing) We have only chatted on work issues and nothing on a personal level. Would it be ok if I sent him a simple text message for the holidays? I also wonder why he cant be bold enough to text me first a personal message? Shall I just ignore it then? I want to add that I will NOT however ask him out,or be any more forward than that… I just want to validate him in a way,and show him that im okay with him. What is your opinion?
Chloe,
Welcome to the blog!
Please always remember: A man doesn’t need a woman to verify her interest in him in order for him to be interested in her. Men are interested in a woman not because they know she is interested. They are after her for chemistry and other related factors.
I’m of the opinion that if a guy gave you his number and was interested in you, why would he only chat about work issues? Why wouldn’t he seize the opportunity to ask to see you? He could easily say, “Hey, let’s grab coffee sometime!” to check your response, and you of course would assure him with “Yes, I’d love to!”, to his delight. The ball would get rolling.
Yet he hasn’t even done that. If a guy is content not seeing you, then he will not make a good boyfriend. Why? Because he wouldn’t be into you enough.
Imagine having to worry about whether your boyfriend really loves you or is even planning to break up with you. This would be the typical outcome of ending up with a guy who isn’t asking you out, who prefers to deal with you via text because it requires less investment.
HAVING SAID THAT, if you send him this text, just be prepared for disappointment. Keep the text very nonchalant, and keep in mind if he doesn’t ask you out after that, he is confirmed and definitely NOT interested.
I discourage starting texts because it becomes a pattern women fall into and is very hard to get out of. When a guy gets comfortable getting to know you via text, he will not be dating you. So watch out for that!
(Start one of the most important things you can do in your life: Become a Prize Catch. Get the EGuides today.)
Thank you for responding! However,to add on shouldnt a lady be perceived as approachable and give him a reason to THINK such?? More especially in my case? What are your thoughts??
Chloe,
Being approachable is being friendly, so as long as you are doing that, nothing should deter him. If that isn’t enough, I question his level of interest.
Of course, you are free to go a bit further, so that is why I emphasize being aware and prepared of the risk of doing so.: slippery slope of being more and more proactive, while at the same time becoming more interested than he is!
Thank you the one,I apprecaite your comments. Just to let you know i have decided to not text him,as i have been friendly to him(i think). Im just going to focus on my studies and achieving some of my many goals! If he comes along it will be good,if he doesnt it will also be good..
Chloe,
You’re welcome. Sounds like a good plan!
What about flirting? Can a prize catch flirt (subtly) and still maintain her prize catch status? For instance, if a prize catch is out and about and sees a man she finds attractive, can she look his way, hold eye contact for 3 or 4 seconds or so, give a slight smile, and then turn away, back to handling her business (and hopefully the guy might approach her)?
Moonbeam,
If that is your definition of flirting, that is perfectly fine to do.
Approaching a guy first is another option, especially in today’s world where some men require a green light from a woman, but before doing so one needs to have a solid understanding of how to go about it and be able to walk away emotionally intact.
This and more is explained in depth in the EGuide “How to Show Your Interest in a Man“.
Hello,
I have been on 3 dates with this very nice guy, (bar, park, pub) He suggested we go to the restaurant for our 4th date, so we did, he chose the place. When the bill arrived, he grabbed it, looked at me and asked the question:
“so, what do you want to do..”
Erm, what was i supposed to say: “you da man, you pay!” ?
so i suggested we share, he said yes without arguing.
I felt like crying, this perfect guy, who makes me laugh, blush, smile just couldn’t handle the first restaurant bill, what shall i think?
Is it normal for British guys to act that way? Shall i confront him?
Help please!
Sophia.
Miss So,
I guess this British guy is defying the tradition of gentlemanly behavior! He’s not so perfect after all. Drinks are okay for him but meals are too much. It’s up to you to decide if you’d like to continue seeing him. If this upsets you now, imagine how you’d feel when this happens repeatedly and you’re deep in the trenches IN LOVE with him.
Confront him? As in telling him how to spend his own money? A Prize Catch does not do that!
I strongly urge you to revamp your entire way of approaching the dating scene, and Order EGuides Today. You will finally be able to sleep like a princess, because these handy and useful tools will help you understand HOW to be a prize, WHY to be a prize, and equip and prepare you for all sorts of scenarios at MINIMAL EMOTIONAL COST to you.
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Hello,
I work in a co-ed environment where there are cubicles everywhere. Men are always staring at me but I am always nonchalant. There is this one guy who is on the opposite side of me. He is ALWAYS staring at me. I know this because there are glass panes and I notice his reflection. I can tell that he’s a good guy because he never talks. I have been working at my job for six months and I notice that he is extremely quiet , reserved, and not flashy. I recently decided to let him know nonverbally that I noticed him noticing me by turning my head ever so slightly. I can tell he noticed because he started to walk a little taller with more confidence and stare even more. Is it a good idea to communicate nonverbally a slight interest or should I continue to be nonchalant? I don’t think I’m investing much or overcompensating by responding nonverbally.
Butterfly,
Thanks for posting.
Nothing wrong with doing what you did at all. He, after all, stared at you first. Men initiate, women respond. So all you did was respond by noticing him back.
For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.
Hope to assist you!
The One
52 year old woman meets 52 year old man. Both have busy lives with children and jobs. 3 magnificent dates, subsequent 1 lunch date (nice), only a few quick kisses, another request for a lunch date next week. Have I been friend-zoned?
Dear Sarah,
How have you been friendzoned? I don’t see it based on what you are telling me. Unless there is more to the story? As long as he is doing the asking and paying, he’s showing interest.
I urge you to Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.
Hope to assist you!
Oh wow … that’s exactly what I wanted to hear. Thank you. You’re amazing
Hi The One,
I have been reading your blogs and I must say “I love it”. I am currently talking to this guy from the States and I’m all the way in Europe. We message each other almost everyday and he called me once. That’s because I was up late at that night. He knows a lot of girls and I am not fond of guys who know a lot of girls. He has an instagram and follows so many girls and vice versa. I dont know what he does in the States since i do not live there but I told him that him following so many girls on instagram is not a good look (in my eyes) and he unfollowed only few out of hundreds. I don’t know what to do with this guy because I do like him and I wanna be the Prize.
How can I be the Prize in distance relationship? I’m really confused about distance relationships because there’s not much you can do I believe.
I reply back to his messages in less than 2hrs. I know it’s bad and I need to discipline myself. It’s hard when you like the person. But I’m trying.
Diamond,
The most important question you need to ask yourself is: “Why am I attracted to a guy who is into viewing and connecting with so many girls on Instagram?”
Forget all his other qualities you like. Focus on what you dislike, and ask that question. Because when you do, it snaps you out of FANTASY and into REALITY.
The reality is, what you do know is he’s on Instagram with tons of females. You don’t know what he is doing elsewhere and in private. Everything you know about him is what he tells you plus what you believe or want to believe. Is it based on truth? You don’t know.
So you don’t REALLY know him at all. Long distance relationships are easily built on fantasy. People thrive on their ideas of what they want, rather than being realistic.
To be a Prize, he has to take you out on dates. It doesn’t matter WHERE in the universe he is coming from. If he lived on Mars, he’d have to get on a space craft and land at your doorstep to take you out. No excuses.
Because he is so far away, this guy you are chatting with has to compensate by communicating online with you. But when chatting replaces actual DATING, what happens is there is no dating ritual taking place, and getting to know you is so easy without his effort, and therefore, he won’t value you.
If you want to be a Prize, value yourself and your time. Stop talking to him. Then if he misses you and is curious about you, he can plan a visit to Europe and take you out to lunch or dinner to see you in person. Until that happens, he is wasting your time.
Hello,
Several individuals were asking about the ramifications of “making mistakes,” and I thought would share my most recent experience in case it is helpful. In the past, I have had success pursuing men and making the first moves, as well as many “wrong” moves. The essential element for me was becoming a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I was subtle enough in my demeanor that they were convinced they were my suitors, while I was in fact calling all of the shots. I usually kissed men first, initiated our first sexual contact, and contacted them whenever I pleased. However, because I let them think they were in control, they believed it. These relationships were legitimate and ended naturally after periods spanning six months to three years. They are not what I’m here to talk about.
My most recent story is much more traditional, which is new and exciting for me.
I am not very beautiful or feminine, and the most outstanding things about me are my personality and student debt. I attend school during the year and every summer I return to the same job. During the school year, I keep in touch with many of my summer coworkers, both male and female. Many of these men are flirtatious and have expressed attraction to me at work, without followthrough (in this case, dates and, later, commitment). I typically find their attention flattering and am occasionally charmed into harboring small crushes on them. However, I thrive off of affection and find ‘lack of interest’ to be one of the most unattractive qualities a man can have in a budding relationship. Their lack of followthrough turns me off before I develop any real feelings for them.
One of these coworkers has taken a special interest in me. I often miss the social cues that someone likes me and dismiss romantic hints as fantasy, so I only realized he was pursuing me after he asked for my address and began sending me gifts. I was very excited. We live within driving distance a few cities apart. Continuing my prior pattern, I contacted him whenever I felt like it, which was often. We fired many texts back and forth every day for about ten days, and I began to suspect he was losing interest. His responses were coming fewer and farther apart. I stepped back from the situation and realized that I was usually the one who sent the first text, a “mistake” I’d been making since I caught onto his pursuit. I decided to cool it down on my end. It would have been bizarre if I stopped texting him entirely, so the first day I only texted in reply to his texts. On the second day, I sent him a single text in the afternoon. It was a question about himself on a topic I knew he was interested in. He leaped on it, and by the end of the afternoon he had asked me out. By chance, I found this website a few hours later.
While I don’t think it’s the only way to build a successful relationship, I’m thrilled to be trying out this more traditional method. I was not unhappy in my prior relationships, but I cannot deny the appeal of the courtship dynamic. It’s relaxing not to manage everything, and dates and events are more romantic when they are surprises he planned for me. I can’t deny I’m enchanted. If it works out i may just be swept off my feet.
Margaux,
Welcome and thanks very much for sharing your story. Hope you continue being a Prize and enjoy the results of it.
The one, can you give a guidance, if your friend wants to introduce you to her single guy friend to you, what will be the best way, besides face book? My girlfriend doesnt live in the same city as i do, in fact she is out of the country, but the guy that she wants to introduce is. I am not comfortable being introduce in fb but it seems that,s the only way? …..giving her my phone and tell her for him to call me is too much? Or is it okay? Any thoughts? 🙂 i want to know how does he look too, but maybe that,s not important, she told me she thinks that this guy could be a great match with me…and he has a good name too she said. What will you recommend since u said only 4 message allowed before date haha…i dont really update anything on facebook except in regards to encouragement words or my business products …i dont post friends pic, family pics.or bragging about what i ate or where i,ve been haha🎈☺….is it okay?
Dina,
Men are visually oriented, so he needs to see your pictures first. Let him see your photos on Facebook without friending him. Then if he likes what he sees, he’ll get your phone number from your friend and call you.
There is nothing you need to do except to tell your girlfriend that he can look at you on Facebook.
Hi The One
That’s a good point!
Hannah
Hi The One
Are there any examples of famous women in history that you consider to have behaved like a prize catch?
Best Regards
Hannah
Hannah,
I wouldn’t know based on just their public behavior. I’d have to know how they act in private!
Dear The One, how to attract and keep man’s interest ON THE DATING SITE?
Thank you,
I-na.
Treat the dating site like a dance club. Men are there scanning around checking out all the ladies. Women are there being their best selves.
So put up one single nice picture of you, put some basic information on your profile, and turn off the computer. Check twice a week to see if a man sends you a message. That’s all you do.
Men initiate, women respond. NO EXCEPTIONS.
After four messages from him, you move on. He must ask you out to meet you in person by the fourth message or he’s wasting your time. You have better things to do than chitchat endlessly with a man who can’t put in more effort than talking online.
Hi The One:
I have learned a ton from your blog…thank you so much! I’m also online dating, and asked you questions in an earlier posting, and your responses have been so helpful to me in this experience! I am actively applying your “I’m a prize” principles and they have helped me move through time wasters:) I see and understand the importance of the guy asking for the girl’s phone number. When guys have sent me their phone numbers online, and asked for us to text/talk over the phone…I have turned around and given my phone number instead because I don’t want to be the one to initiate the call–I want that to be in their hands. I figure that this demonstrates that I want them to call me, and not the reverse. It works and they initiate, but is this the right move? I feel that I am not just giving them my number unsolicited; they have shown interest by providing theirs…I just want them to be the initiator. Looking forward to your thoughts….
Linda
Linda,
If they are calling you and initiating dates, then great!
Nevermind. I think I completely understand the purpose of making a guy ask for a number. In fact, I can’t comprehend why anyone would do it another way. Thank you for these blogs!
Olive,
Welcome to the blog and thanks for reading! Great you found the answer and are convinced! Remember, it is easy to justify giving a guy your phone number. But it doesn’t matter what the reasons are, because if a man knows how to use a telephone, he knows how to ask for a phone number. And his asking for it is a sign he is ready and thinks you’re worthy.
Hello the one, i am 36 year old and never been married before. I almost got married once 6 year ago, and my fiancee just suddenly cut off everything 3 month before the wedding day, because he was having an affair that he never admitted. but after i look at his wife’s face now. I am so thankfullllllll! She looked like she is mad all the time. Seriously and not happy. I see how good is God by not allowing me to get married with this man, now that girl is stuck with him not me, I feel that i am ready to begin a new relationship but i just realised that it gets harder as i get older, there were some men coming in my past but i feel that i was not ready. Now that i feel i am ready , my business starts to bloom, i dont see any guys in my radar..( dooh) 🙂 🙂 I am famous for being a oicky women in my church, i said to all my close friends. I rather not married than marrying the wrong person or if i dont find the right person. But inside my heart i know he will find me 🙂
Some men who approaches me usually are younger, what do you think of dating of younger men?…many people says i look much younger than my age,,,,,however,.i feel that i am more mature than them in term of decision making, managing life etc. what is your suggestion? I realise that it,s hard to meet men the same age or older than me.who is still single and never been married before ( i just prefer never been married man –no offense to others ) , in fact i never been in the relationship with guys older or the same age as i am since i was in the dating pool. i dont know why,,,,my ex fiancee is 4 years younger. My other bf is also 4years younger,,,..Any thought? Thank you so much for your blog,it helps me a lot to refocus and to value myself more 🙂
Dina,
Glad you found the blog! Bravo for valuing yourself more. Your ex-fiance must really be regretting that he’s stuck with a cantankerous wife!
Assuming a man and a woman are both over 18, there’s a point in life where age differences start mattering less and less as you get older. Younger men eventually catch up and become mature enough and all grown up! Unless they are irresponsible, unreliable, immature, or are too restless to settle down, their age is no impediment to forming a solid relationship.
There are reasons why many more younger men are attracted to older women today than in the past:
1) A lot of young men of today’s generation have mothers who were heads of their households, who worked and raised children alone or who had a strong presence and voice in the family compared to women of earlier times. So these men have no problems dating older women who might be more experienced, wiser or able to take on an equal partnership or even a leadership role in the relationship.
2) A lot of young men today didn’t grow up with sufficient nurturing and guidance from their own mothers, who were either too busy working or just weren’t present for whatever unfortunate reason. Some of these men have been downright neglected by their mothers. Therefore, their attraction to older women is out of seeking to fulfill their unmet childhood needs. Of course it’s not done consciously. But by being with an older woman who can love him and nurture him in a way he never experienced, he feels more complete. A woman his own age or younger couldn’t offer this to him. The UNMET CHILDHOOD NEED defines the chemistry he has with women, so he becomes sexually attracted to older ones as a result.
There is nothing to be concerned about if a guy is younger than you, unless he is of minor age or if he’s not suitable for a relationship. And if he’s not able to step up and be a suitor, of course he’s not on your radar regardless of how old.
🙂
The One,
Would it be SO bad to give a man a phone number? He’s foreign, so I thought I would write it in another language- one he doesn’t speak but I do. I feel my initiation would be equaled out by the unexpected challenge of translating a mystery message. And if he doesn’t have the drive, interest or intellect to translate it, I don’t want him.
It’s extremely rare that we run into each other and we (along with our chemistry) are always surrounded by co-workers. Due to expected professionalism, even a mild-mannered conversation would be viewed as strange indeed. There really might be just a split, calculated second for me to slip him my number before tasks demand attention.
I would put the pursuing right back into his hands. If he texts, I would kindly let him know that I prefer phone calls and ignore any texts thereafter. If he doesn’t want to pick me up despite the hour distance, I’d simply enlighten him by saying he must not be interested enough. And then I’d ignore him.
Yes? No? Maybe so?
Thank you for this blog!
Well, if you blew your chances already, there is nothing for you to do except just ignore his texts and emails and see if he steps up and asks you out.
And if you didn’t blow your chances yet, do the same thing anyway. The man has to be the intiator. You can’t sit around and wait for him. Thinking about a man who doesn’t ask you out just wastes your time.
So, go about your business and date other men. You can’t control what he does at this point. If you try by making suggestions or being forward, he won’t chase you.
Thanks again for the advice. I am not going to waste anymore time on him unless he makes a date instead of him hinting about it all the time. I haven’t responded to his last email from 2 days ago and I am proud of myself.
Good for you! You’re worth being courted and wooed!
Thanks for creating this blog. Normally I would initiate dates if I felt the guy was moving too slow but lately I’ve realized that it was unnatural and I would get bored with thme quickly. I have crush on a coworker who asked to see my new phone and he secretly programed his number in my phone by calling his phone. Later that night he called me and I was surprised. Anyway it’s been over a month and he still hasn’t asked me out but has been calling, texting, and emailing me. Now that I know better I’m going to ignore him since he is a time waster. I’m really attracted to him and want to date him but he has to work for it. I have learned a lot from your blog. Thanks
The One,
Thank you for looking out for me. I mean that sincerely. I wish I could thank you personally.
I think you have saved me more heartache than I would have ever realized.
I have created this delusion and it has been quite painful.
It is a fantasy and does feel like torture.
I feel so very foolish.
Thank you so much. I will reread this as many times as I need to.
Thank you for taking my own words and pointing out what should be obvious.
I do need time to heal.
I do not want to live in a fantasy world- but that is exactly what I have been doing.
I will stand on my own two feet.
After everything I have been through, a heartache of this magnitude, that I had built up in my mind as true love–soul mates even–would have been a crushing blow.
Thank you again. I am starting to get my head on straight- so that I never lose my true heart.
I need to respect and honor and love myself.
God Bless You.
You’re thanking me personally with your kind words! Glad I can help. Yes, Sarah, honor, love, and respect yourself. When you do, everything becomes clearer and clearer…
Hello
I’m glad I found your site.
I’m in love with a man.
. We’re only friends and have never kissed -nothing.
I have been pursuing him in my way and I thought it was okay because we were friends.
The lines got blurred.
We are best of friends – that is why it is hard .
He is a very masculine guy and
that’s the type I’m attracted to. He is also very tender and sweet with me.
However because of my personality and I am a professional woman and used to getting things I want ….
I forgot how important the Chase is.
Luckily for me- He is an honorable man- and respects me -He’s never tried anything with me even though his Attraction to me is obvious . I think I would’ve had sex with him and probably lost my chance for the real thing forever .
Really – it’s like electricity when we are together .
I’m 45 and I’m a mother of 3 young children and am a business professional . I haven’t own life and a busy one
I’m going through a horrible divorce and much of it – he’s helped me through as an ear and a friend .He went through a similar experience – but worse .
He’s also has gone out of his way to protect me and help me many times .
I had a flat tire – nobody could help me ,he came over and fixed it .
And I didn’t ask him for help,he just insisted that he help me.
Sorry this is so long.
My problem has been that I think he is an honorable and wonderful man.
Since we started out as just friends we would text and chat often.
Now that are mutual attraction is obvious -I’ve been texting too much trying to see him etc.
I think he was attracted first – I just never noticed. I was married- and although it was a troubled marriage – I never told him that.
This man has been very good to me.
I do not want to be cold or cruel but I want more than just friendship now and I think he does too.
I know he loves to chase .
His sister and I are friends.
When he was a younger man he dated some of her friends and they would always end up never being friends with her again- when he dumped them.
That was 20 years ago.
My friend is in warning me not to get with her brother because she thinks he’s a liar and never wants to lose my friendship.
Of course she is talking about him when he was single before he got married .
It’s a bit tongue in cheek – she loves him , worries about him- but she and I are close too- so perhaps that is a problem as well .
So despite his history as a player back in the day,
He has never moved forward with me –
one because I’ve been chasing him and two I think he really does care about me so he’s been cooling it off .
I’ve decided to stop texting altogether and respond only when he calls me .
Others writing you here in your blog
Have posted about being in midlife and that the rules are different if you are divorced and in your 40s.
You are absolutely correct the rules are the same- not different .
Hopefully I have time to fix this and let him chase me.
I know he loves me .
He had a bad divorce and has 2 teenage kids he raised alone .
However – he wants to chase me.
He is also what I would call old-fashioned gentleman but you would correctly call a suitor.
He’s bought me gifts many times in the past three years. He never forgets my birthday or my children ‘s.
One of the reasons I admired him so much as a friend was because he is a remarkable father .
He objects if I offer to pay for anything or lift a finger to help him do anything .
He’s a gentleman and I’ve been trying to reciprocate in all the wrong ways – I did make him a pie though -apparently that is ok.
Thank God I found your blog .
I apologize for this lengthy email
If you have any advice – I would appreciate it.
Going from dear friends to feelings of love and attraction- are confusing .
I have not been in this dating -chasing world -in awhile .
Now that my best friend -needs to be my suitor .
I need patience.
I am 45 he’s got nine years on me .
I never believed in this before
But I think we are soulmates.
I need to be a prize so my suitor will chase me .
Thanks , Sarah
Sarah,
Welcome to the blog!
Beware of being in love with a man who fails to step up and ask you out on a date, who sees you no more than just a friend. This article will explain why.
You say “we are best of friends – that is why it is hard.” Actually, you make it hard by continuing to fantasize turning this into something other than friendship. As soon as you dissolve the fantasy, you will make it easier for yourself.
“He is a very masculine guy and that’s the type I’m attracted to.” Great. But he has to become a SUITOR. You can’t groom a male friend into a SUITOR. He needs to decide to pursue you on his own.
“He’s never tried anything with me even though his attraction to me is obvious.” I don’t doubt it. But ATTRACTION does not guarantee INTEREST. There is a world of difference. He hasn’t acted upon his attraction, and there is nothing for you to respond to if he hasn’t. Listen, men initiate, women respond. Did you read my article on False Indicators of a Man’s Interest? I’m sure you can check almost every one of those on the list. Many women are fooled this way.
“I’m going through a horrible divorce and much of it he’s helped me through as an ear and a friend.” Sounds like a really nice friend. Just not a SUITOR. Remember, suitors should never serve as friends or therapists, because then there are NO BOUNDARIES and the dating rituals are disrupted.
If he were a suitor he would be taking you out on dates, not just listening to your problems. And you’re at a place where you are emotionally needy and rebound-prone, where your judgment isn’t totally sound when it comes to selecting men. Instead of focusing on men, you need to be focusing on healing yourself and learning from your past marriage so you don’t repeat the mistakes.
“Since we started out as just friends we would text and chat often.” Doing this took away all challenge for him. He values you as a friend, not as a PRIZE CATCH to pursue and win over.
“I know he loves to chase.” Sure. Then why isn’t he chasing you?
He might ask you out one day. Who knows. But are you prepared to spend the rest of your life waiting for that? What if it never comes?
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Hope to assist you!