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Reasons Why a Man Doesn’t Pursue

Women always need to know why a man isn’t pursuing her.

So here it is, take your pick!

If a man is not attracted to you ENOUGH, he will not pursue.

If a man is not interested in you ENOUGH, he will not pursue.

If his fear of rejection is too great, he will not pursue.

If his fear of commitment is too great, he will not pursue.

If his fear of having to work to attain you is too great, he will not pursue.

If his addiction to alcohol, drugs, or anything else is too great, he will not pursue.

If he is not available, i.e., he’s married, he will not pursue.

If he doesn’t have enough money to pay for dates, he will not pursue.

If he has some kind of physical or mental debilitation that prevents him from dating, he will not pursue.

If he is too overwhelmed with responsibilities (work, family, kids, exes, baby moms), he will not pursue.


He knows you want him and thus doesn’t have to do anything to get your attention, win your heart, or obtain your company.


You slept with him. You are no longer a trophy to be won. You were no challenge and are not worthy in his eyes.


He just wants sex and you didn’t put out.


You will never know and never find out, therefore, SHOULD NEVER CARE.


  • No matter what he tells you, whether it’s the truth or a lie, you won’t feel good about it. So don’t ask.
  • If you pursue him or encourage him to pursue you so you can prove you’re desirable, you’d only prove you’re desperate — which is a turnoff and is asking to be treated badly.
  • When a man stops pursuing you or never started, nothing you can do can change his mind about chemistry. NOTHING.

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  1. Ane permalink

    Hi One Truth. If u can still read this. I need your comment.

    I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for 4years. We’ve been on off long distance. But never once he fails to contact/message me, daily. We were serious in our relatinshp, we talks about getting married and stuff.
    Until last year, he moved back to his country. I am willing to wait for him, until he is financially secured and we can move to the next stage, getting married. But recently, he texted me that he has to let me go. He couldn’t give the life that i want. I know he struggle financially. He said he want me to be happy. That he can’t promise a good future. I understand him, his situation. But i’m frustrated. Is he not pursuing me? He give up just like that? Should i continue to wait? I know his reason is valid, that he is sincere. But, Man out there, is it right,giving up on a girl that you love, bcos u know u can’t make her happy?

    • Anne permalink

      I’d be interested in this answer as well 🙂

    • Ane,

      Please don’t wait for him. Start healing your pain to move on. It was a long distance relationship that was never solid, being on and off, even though he talked about love and marriage.

      It doesn’t matter what he said in the past. Words are meaningless without proof of action. His proof is that he can’t make it work with you. It doesn’t matter that he has said he loved you in the past. What matters is what he is doing now, which is that he is not willing to make it work. It’s sad you were strung along. Terribly painful which you don’t deserve.

      In the future, do not fall for a guy who is far away, whom you do not see on a regular basis, and who isn’t doing everything he can to be closer to you and build a relationship with you.

      Release him completely so you are free to be in a relationship that is heading in the right direction.

      • Ane permalink

        Thank you One Truth.

        Your thoughts are valuable for me. It’s really not easy to let him go. I’m still hesitate and in doubt. But i will consider your advice.


  2. John permalink

    Geez – talk about overanalyzing everything to death.

    There is only one reason why a guy isn’t pursuing you: He doesn’t like you. Period.

    You can talk with your girlfriends about it endlessly, and make up whatever reason you need to believe to keep your ego intact, but the fact is he doesn’t like you. Period.

    Women are starting to notice that all guys have stopped pursuing women. This is because women have become tremendously unattractive. And no, I don’t mean physically. You know what I’m talking about. And we’re not going to fix it; you need to finally accept some responsibility for your actions and fix yourself.

    Even then we may still not bother. We’ve discovered how much better life is without you.

    • Ginger Snap permalink

      OMG I think I know this person!!!! You’re not entirely wrong. Relationships can be a pain in the ass!

  3. Master Blaster permalink

    Btw, ladies. These are the only ones that make sense:

    “If a man is not interested in you ENOUGH, he will not pursue.”


    “He knows you want him and thus doesn’t have to do anything to get your attention, win your heart, or obtain your company.


    You slept with him. You are no longer a trophy to be won. You were no challenge and are not worthy in his eyes.


    He just wants sex and you didn’t put out.”

    Everything else was just filler that was most likely inspired by bitterness.

    – A guy

    • carpe diem permalink

      Good clarification. However, if I found out the guy I was dating was a married alcoholic/drug addict, I would be bitter too 🙂

  4. Master Blaster permalink

    You left out the most important one:

    • You’re trying to manipulate him by playing “hard to get”, but he is a high value man with options

    A girl is trying this on me right now and I’m making SURE that it backfires on her >:D

    It would be wise NOT to ignore/avoid a high quality prospect.

    Ladies, if you’re going to play games with a guy, MAKE SURE, for your own sake, that he’s not a high value guy who has options.

    P.S. I advise men not to take romantic advice from women. I’m starting to think I should tell women the same thing.

    • Master Blaster permalink

      Update: She never learned her lesson and now she’s cutting herself instead of just being straightforward. Wtf.. next!

      I’m really starting to think girls are naturally mentally handicapped.

      • Master Blaster,

        May I suggest something to you if you aren’t already doing this? Don’t just date a woman based on superficial reasons like looks. What are her goals, values, and background? How does she handle adversity and challenge? From steering the conversation to such topics that require her to show you who she is and what she thinks, you will be able to see if she has emotional stability.

      • Sunsyn permalink

        So are a lot of guys. :/ Shame, it seems the good ones rarely meet up with each other.

  5. Helen permalink

    This is why dating sucks. It is slanted to favor the man to get the woman he wants/sexually desires. It goes back hundreds of years to the idea that women get selected by men as property because they caught a man’s eye. This is not respectful of women to wait and strive for a man’s approval. She had to act a certain way to mask her true feelings and make a favorable impression. Society tells men their personal satisfaction is the top priority in whether a woman is even considered. This at the same time more women graduate from college, are very successful, accomplished, and live independently. Men should be raised to believe it is a great honor to be pursued
    by good women and they should be delighted
    to be noticed and desired by women. Getting a strong direct and honest woman should be an
    asset, not any kind of a liability. These silly games sell women short. Strenghth and directness is feminine and should be perceived
    as an asset and benefit to men.

    • carpe diem permalink

      Hi Helen. I really like what you wrote here! Just keep being strong, direct and feminine. I know I am! You don’t have to play games. You will just attract a strong confident man who is not intimated by strong woman. You will be a turn on to these rare but amazing men.

      • Helen Schirmer permalink

        It seems impossible for Christian men to become attracted to you. I met a single attractive divorced man 4 1/2 years years older than me at my church. I have been divorced as well for about 3 years. We both graduated from college with the same major and liked to do alot of the same things. We had the same religious background and served together in mission work. I mistakenly thought we were being brought together by God. I became very smitten by him. I so wanted him to be interested and ask me out. I was told by a person at church that he was very picky about who he dated and that is why he never asked. I had thought I stood a chance because if our compatability and that he was a godly man. What was wrong with me that he would not pursue? What does it mean I am not good enough for him? Am I not attractive enough? He really poisoned me on what Christian men are really like,cnot to mention how scarce they are at church. I think Christian men are arrogant and most women are not good enough for them. They think they are a better catch and more shallow than non believing men. They often act worse and are less likely to approve of you. At this rate, it appears better to consider non believing men, as at least they will pursue women and want a relationship.I get sick of being told it is better to have no one when Christian men won’t pursue. That is so lacking in compassion for women who were designed by God to desire human companionship with a man, affection, intimacy, protection, and provision while on earth. God wants both sexes to be drawn together in union. Single and divorced Christian men are so troubled I am not seeing a strong likelihood of being able to marry one. Why condemn and consign Christian women to celibacy and accept forced loneliness by telling them what a bad life they would have with a non believer? And tell them to continue to wait for Christian men to suddenly notice them and pursue? That is denying reality.

        • Helen,

          I’m sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. First, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you just because a man does not pursue you. You are good enough just because you are, not because of a guy. Yes, it’s hard to feel good about yourself when you’re not being pursued, but you have to remind yourself that your worth isn’t up to a man to evaluate. Your worth is up to you and you alone to recognize.

          While you may have felt a lot of compatibility and commonality between this guy at church and you, attraction is a two-way street. Mutual attraction can be hard to quantify at times. It can happen between two people without rhyme or reason, and one-way attraction also occurs in spite of obvious compatibility — as in your case.

          This is why women need to make sure they are not building up hope and fantasy BEFORE a man has asked them out on a date. I know hoping and wishing aren’t easy things to avoid doing when you’re attracted to a man, but staving off the tendency to imagine more than what is should be the first order of things, with moving on quickly being the second.

          If you are fine and willing to go against what is being preached at church, and be open to non-believing men for a relationship, then that might be something you ought to contemplate on doing. Like you said, why condemn yourself to celibacy just because the odds are stacked against you regarding Christian men? It is all about what is most important to you and what you can live with.

    • Mae permalink

      Thank you Helen, for being a beacon of sanity and kindness in a sea of creepy comments. I feel better already.

  6. Anne permalink

    Hi One Truth!

    Can you make a post about how to increase your attractiveness in general, and how to be more approachable to men?
    Should you have fun with the men in order for them to feel attraction to you? Should you give signals that you’re attracted to him? Or should you just be nice and smile, without being too approachable?
    I am a bit clueless in this respect.

  7. Wendy permalink

    have a colleague who is in senior level. His wife passed away due to cancel 2 years ago. I sensed his needy and loneliness. He started to ask me some questions regarding my personal status and age 6 months ago. 3 months ago we started to chat mostly about life and value and faith stuff.
    2 monthly ago, he started to gently touching my shoulder and back, very gently and surprise me all the time. I asked him whether he likes certain books, his response is that he loves those books. 3 weeks ago, I went to his office for some advice, he was eagerly welcome in. after the chat, he gently stroked my hands, again surprise. I did not touch him back, but give him encouraging smiles some times. I heard from other colleague that he is a very good man. I thought if he is a decent man, he would pursue me if he started these imamate touch ( no sexual). He always had a big smile when he sees me.
    In the summer time, he commented my beautiful dress. This week, I emailed to him that I placed a book in his desk and prayed for his kids. To my surprise, he emailed me back that the prayers work for him and his kids since he just started a relationship with a woman he knew for many years. He asked me to keep as secret since they just started to see each other. It was a total blow out for me. I thought if he is a decent man, he should never touch a woman ( you know the power on woman of these touches) if he is not going to pursue. Any of your opinion what is going on with this man’s head. Is he only attracted to me physically ( I am very attractive)? Or he just like to get some attention from women? Or he thought he choose someone makes more sense to his life? But either way, he should not touch a woman yet not pursue her.

    • Wendy,

      I agree this man should not be touching you at all if he is already interested in someone else and has no intention of dating you. Women are sensitive to touch and emotionally respond to it. You have every right to be upset.

      Now although you really could not have foreseen his pulling a fast one on you, there were red flags.

      The first one was when he stroked your hands. This was done in an office setting, not on a date, therefore touching you was inappropriate. Instead, you gave him encouraging smiles so that led him to believe you find it acceptable that he pretend to treat you as if he were interested in you (on a date) when he was in reality not (not on a date).

      Remember, for your own sanity, the definition of a man’s interest must be strict. A man could flirt, touch, kiss, and have sex with you. But without a date, he is not interested, but just using you to alleviate boredom or feel good about himself. A woman’s assumptions of a man’s interest based on False Indications are her downfall.

      A man must ask you out first IN ORDER to have the privilege of touching you, not the reverse. And only if you permit the touching. Until a guy proves his interest by asking you out, a flirty guy is just being silly. As a senior level colleague, he is behaving inappropriately.

      Do not allow a man to test you out physically by touching or kissing you BEFORE he asks you out. He can do that after the date, not before. When he does it before, as a woman you take all the risk.

      No matter how attracted you are to a guy and how natural it feels to flirt back and encourage him, he should know you are not a side fling at the office. You are either single, dating, or in an exclusive relationship. There is no gray area.

      When there’s a gray area, there’s pain, anxiety, and confusion.

      What’s going on in this man’s head is that he is enjoying himself very much. His life is quite exciting. He has an attractive woman who is enamored of him at the office (something to break the monotony of work), and another woman waiting outside the office giving him love and attention. Of course he thinks you’re attractive (or he wouldn’t be touching you) and he likes knowing you feel the same way about him. This soothes his self-esteem. But it can destroy yours.

      Perhaps he relates to you on levels he can’t with his secret lover. Or perhaps you mean very little to him. When a guy flirts with no date in sight, the only answer that is factual that will help you is this:

      “He can’t even meet you for a cup of coffee.”

      Because you work with him, it is important you have boundaries. Even if he were totally available and asking you out, due to his being a senior colleague, I would have still advised treading carefully because it involves your job. All the more you need to carry on with business and stop the touchy feely stuff now that you know he is wasting your time and making you emotionally vulnerable.

      • Thanks One Truth. You are absolutely right. You cleared my heads.
        This man caught me off guard.
        1. He has been very faithful to his wife even during the long time sick years
        2. He has not been dating for 2 years ( I know he had vacation this August all by himself)
        3. He is a very humbled person. People knew him long time said that he is a very good man.
        4. He is Senior but I do not work under him at all.
        5. He always said hi to me and smiled at me all the time
        6. His body language told me that he likes me very much. One day, he got nervous.
        7. I thought his touch is that he wanted to get close to me and to see whether I am interested so that he would not face rejection.
        8. He showed his caring and concern when it came to my important financial decisions.
        Obviously he liked me but he followed his rational thinking
        1. He cannot wait for me to get ready since I am not divorce yet.
        2. His current girlfriends knew his kids for long time. Therefore it is easy to get life going.
        3. They live much close.
        4. He is very lonely and needy ( He said that she may be the proof that God gave to us when we need the most). This sounds terrible since you do not go and get a woman because you need her ,rather you want her.
        And OneTruth, you are absolutely right. If he is a mature and nice person, he should never have initiated the touching knowing that women get connected by touching. He should never have done that knowing that I am not suitable for him. In that case, his good image is all gone. My feeling to him based on my assumption that he is a decent person ( my idealized image) is all gone. I did not do wrong since I cared for him due to his suffering. He did wrong to me. Therefore I had nothing to lose but peace.

        Yes, I have what the other does not have: younger attractive image/brain/good soul ( he was taking advantage of my kindness)
        Once again, thank you.

        • carpe diem permalink

          Wendy, I apologize in advance if Im chiming in where not invited. But, aren’t you married? And if so, how is he the only indecent one as you were welcoming his advances and you wanted him to pursue you? I see two wrongs here which equals a wrong.

        • W,

          You’re welcome.

        • Andy permalink

          Men are sometimes stupid and insecure. And he hasnt been back in the dating pool long. Seems like you were doing all the persuing.
          About gf-You should have that’s too bad I would have enjoyed your company, but good luck to you. It shows interest, but also leaves the door open if other woman doesn’t work out.

          • Wendy permalink

            Did I really pursued him? No. He showed me his interests in the beginning and I was a very social and caring person.
            Andy, you may be right. Men are sometimes stupid and confused. There were some more drama from this man during last winter. 1. He did not have that woman he claimed. 2. He showed he cared about my life two months later when I stopped giving him caring words. 3. When I asked him whether he liked me more than a friend. He said yes but he was not ready.
            Well if a man is not ready but shows interest and affection, then he is playing with a woman’s emotion. He is either coward or irresponsible or immature or confused. None of these character is what I desire from a decent man regardless how much money he makes and how well he shows to others.

            I have zero interest in him after.

            That is why girls we need to slow down in any types of relationships. Time will tell whether he is worth your time and attention.

  8. candice permalink

    I used to do all that. I used to let a man pursue me and i wasn’t doing the first move and i was always ending up with the fatties, the uglies and the undesirable. So one day I was told to try the opposite. I went for whom I was feeling was the guy I wanted to go out. I started texting him, calling him, talking to him everytime I was seeing him online. I was also making comments on his photos, I was adding likes to his photos, I was writing on his walls and statuses. Most of the times he was ignoring me. I was feeling rejected. He noticed me though.
    Then I went completely cold. No likes, no messages, nothing. I ignored him, I looked after my body and my appearance and there he was.. he was initiating conversations, he asked me out on a date. Should I had followed the advice given here he would have never knew about my personality and I would had been one of the pretty girls on his profile… just a doll without inner beauty.
    Life is not always one size fits all. You have to try all things and see what it works… and whatever is meant to be it will. It doesn’t even matter who makes the first move and if there was a chase.
    The chase might not happen in the beginning it might happen in the middle… tables can always turn.

    • Candice,

      Thanks for sharing your experience. I agree there are other ways of getting a date besides letting a man chase you. What you did was a lot of work that many women are already doing and not getting the results they want. There are also those who found success letting men chase them.

      May I ask if he eventually became your boyfriend? And how did he treat you?

    • moonbeam permalink

      Hmmm….interesting points. But it doesn’t really sound like you “chased” him initially….it sounds like you just made him aware you exist, kind of like a platonic friend would (if you were just contacting him through texts and social media in a friendly/ non-sexual/non-flirty way).

  9. Janeka permalink

    I read an online article called,”Guy Talk: The Real Reason Women Should’t Make the First Move,” by Dennis Hong. It fits my experience perfectly. There is a man I was attracted to because he showed the obvious interest in me: he would secretly stare at me, show up around me, open body language towards me and would talk with his friends about me. He approached me a few times. for fake reasons but never asked me about myself or asked me out.He would intentionally walk past or bump into me and wait for me to initiate a conversation. I couldn’t figure out why. When I finally decided to talk to him, he seemed happy and even said, “Thank you for talking to me.” I thought this was sweet and that deep down he was very shy and though he was an older and good-looking man, he was inexperienced with women. So I thought.

    I later learned he is considered “a catch.” His first and second wives pursued him. Now years of being divorced and single he has been pursued by many woman, including by his best friend’s sister, someone he dated a few times, before he broke it off. She continued to chase him, along with other women. I noticed that though it may seem that he doesn’t make the first moves on women, he does subtle flirting. He is polite and smiles when women approach him. Because he is so nice to them, the women thinks he is interested, until his actions or lack of action tells them different. Though, he may gently turn down a woman, he seems to still give them a little hope that he may change his mind in the future. People do not see him as the bad guy. Many criticizes the women. They are the ones chasing him, even after he tell them he is not ready for a relationship. I took note of his interactions with the other women and wanted to believe I was special (after all he did approach me a few times and called me ) but common sense and Hong and your website told me I was not.

    The last time I saw him, he was staring at me from afar, try to get my attention with his body language. and would deliberately walk past me several times without looking at me or saying anything. I ignored him and decided I was not going to play his game. He is doing all of things that women constantly hear are signs that a man is “shy” but interested and all she had to do is make the next move.

    • Janeka,

      Thank you for sharing your experience with a guy who is not shy at all. He’s just not interested! It’s good you now recognize the signs and know when to steer clear.

    • Janeka permalink

      Hi I would like your opinion on whether I behaved as a “prize catch.” I saw this guy twice after I wrote your blog. I needed some information from him so I walked towards him. He had been watching me but when he saw me headed towards him, he turned and walked away. I was surprised and stopped in my tracks. He then turned around, glanced at me and started walking towards me. When he got within two feet of me, he walked around me. He kept his head straight and said nothing to me as he walked by. I was flabbergasted and confused. Why didn’t he stop to see what I wanted? Did he want me to call out his name and stop him from walking past? He hardly ever speak to anyone first. People usually greet him before he acknowledges anyone. A couple of weeks earlier, he stopped in front of me while pretending not to see me and was looking around for some nonexistent person. i went ahead and spoke to him, because he was lingering in front of me. We chatted for a few seconds before I had to go. He smiled and seemed happy that I started the conversation. I thought this had opened the door for him to approach me the next time. It did not. I saw that he expected me to always approach him. So this time, I headed for the door. As I was leaving out, I turned around and saw him standing in the same spot I had just left. He glanced at me while pretending to look around the room.
      At first I thought to leave him alone, but I needed the information. So I approached him on another day for his help. He seemed annoyed at my presence but offered to assist. A few days later, he saw me but was ignoring me. So I had to approach him again for the information. He was nonchalant and distant. He had never acted this way towards me before. But I was friendly and thank him for his help. Later, he glanced at me, but basically ignored me. I have to admit I was disappointed because I had gotten used to his stares and attention. There was a small hope that he was interested in me. Part of me wondered if he really liked me and I blew it. Why would he seem so cold if he didn’t care? Did he lose interest because I ignored him and didn’t pursue him and let him know I was interested? Should I approach him again or send him a thank you card to let him know I’m thinking about him and appreciate his help. All of these thoughts went through my head. But I didn’t act on them or plan to. Thanks to you, I know the signs of an uninterested man. So I just left. Although I accepted he is not interested in me, why would I still have these thoughts? Wasn’t he playing some sort of mind game? Did he feel that he lost or I didn’t play by his rules and is that why he seem angry and distant? I would like to know so I can better understand in the future. I hope I did walk away with dignity. Thanks.

      • Janeka,

        Was he curious? Perhaps. Was he playing games? Perhaps. Was he undecided? Perhaps. Was he bored? Perhaps. Was he interested?

        Definitely not. There was no date.

        When you think False Indicators of interest are true ones, you end up bothered when a guy you imagined to be interested doesn’t step up. Feeling rejected and disappointed always result.

        If you were only after the information, you would’ve obtained it and gone on with your business, not looking back. But because you anticipated he was interested when it wasn’t there to begin with, you got sidetracked and frustrated.

        I don’t know if he was cold, distant, or angry. But I do know that he didn’t ask you out, so he deserves to sit at home for all you care. A Prize Catch doesn’t have time to interpret or analyze a guy who is doing everything but ask her out. Nor should she scan the field to see if men are checking her out or figuring out if a certain behavior means interest. That isn’t her role. All she needs is a date she can say yes or no to.

        If a woman wants to complicate it by coming up with other possibilities of interest, then she’s just looking for excuses and being in denial.

        The good thing is you are questioning this whole thing now. It would have been worse had you tried to initiate more. That would have left you feeling very foolish and hurt, to say the least. So, do not send him a thank you note. Just saying thanks once is good enough. Any more will simply tell him that his coy tactics paid off in stroking his ego.

        You want to up your game. Grab hold of all the principles of being a Prize Catch as soon as possible, because until you do, it will be easy to misjudge and thus be misguided, and come up with false ideas in your head about a guy. My EGuides are designed to overhaul non-Prize Catch thinking and behavior so you won’t have to rely on wondering and guesswork.

        Armed with knowledge and understanding of WHAT WORKS, you will gain confidence and streamline your act quite nicely. You will recognize the signs of “time-waster” instantly. You will know what to do in any situation and of course, sleep like a princess.

  10. ennis permalink

    So I guess if i EVER did pursue a woman ( would NEVER, ever make the first approach), she would see me as desperate and treat me badly.Sounds like lots of fun…..

  11. FourB permalink

    Just wanted to share my experiences when I decided to ignore OneTruth’s advice (just this one time–I’ve finally learned my lesson) for a younger guy that I’d had a crush on for a couple of years. Two years ago he was showing all sorts of signs of interest, like treating me differently from other women in graduate school, staring from a distance, nervousness, eye contact, the works. I got to know him during tutoring and he mentioned he had a girlfriend, so I left him alone. I also committed another sin, which was reaching out to stay in touch with him, which of course you should never do and he didn’t make any effort to stay in touch. Several months ago when we were in a school club together it all started again–staring at me from a distance, sitting silently next to me in a room full of empty chairs, looking happy and eager as a puppy to see me, etc. Around that time he moved into a new apartment with a roommate and it sounded like he broke up with his girlfriend. He started mirroring my actions on Facebook, posting whenever I posted and silent when I was silent. He acted shy and I became convinced that he was just too shy to ask me out (big mistake!), so I asked him out for coffee. He accepted and was nervous and jittery the whole time. When I suggested dinner or a movie today by text he replied that he didn’t want to “misinterpret” my meaning but dinner or a movie may be going “overboard” and is “inappropriate” because his girlfriend would not approve. I felt like he completely led me on and manipulated me into thinking he liked me just to stroke his pathetic ego. I have learned now that if a man can’t get it together to ask you out on a date, the he is uninterested, unavailable, or may have ulterior motives like trying to manipulate you into stroking his ego by having you ask him out. Jerk and I will never deviate from your dating advice again, OneTruth!

    • FourB permalink

      Oops, I meant “Jerk. And I will never deviate from your dating advice again, OneTruth!”

    • FourB,

      Thanks so much for sharing! Now you know. Bravo for putting on a brave face going forward. You can’t do wrong starting now!

      A date is not just a date. It is the ONLY shred of evidence a woman has that he is interested. And without it, she is doing guesswork. Plenty of guys just want their egos stroked. Without asking her out, he eliminates himself as a time-waster. Knowing this, she takes no risk. It’s a tried and true technique that keeps her life oh so simple and worry-free!

      Women, don’t buy into the False Indicators. Buyer beware.

      • But at least FourB knows instead of wasting her time wondering. I agree with what One Truth says…but I also think it’s important to end an annoying situation and move on.

    • Andy permalink

      This guy was hoping he could have something on the side.

  12. Jordan permalink

    Reasons Why A Man Does Not Pursue:

    He’s a self independent man who needs a woman like a fish needs a hook!

  13. lava ali permalink


    Hi The One
    First of all I apologize for my bad English because its not my first language .
    2nd here is my problem , its happened that a petroleum company
    rented the house which is next to our house in our neighborhood for their experts that have contract with them to live in ,, they are from other country got contracts here in our country because its petrol producing country . About 3 months ago I was doing my exercise which is mostly walking for about 1-2 hrs. each 2 to 3 days aweek and I noticed a man watching me and smiling in the darkness from his balcony that guy is one of the experts . I ignored him , then after 5 days again I was doing my exercise again he watched me and smiled again ,, I also ignored him ,, then after that for about 1 week later I was with my 2 cousins walking around then suddenly he came out home and kept standing in front of the gate waiting for us ,, when we passed him he just looked at me then went his way ,, this time I looked at him . After that he travelled back to his country for about 3 weeks,,i didn’t see him ,, after coming back here he started looking at me just from his home not coming out even he didn’t try to talk to me and never smiled agin ,, when I was wlaking I was seeing him through the house door bec always he was opening the door.. BTW its my normal passage to pass infront of our neighbors for walking , I didn’t do that for him .A fter that he noticed I am looking at him he started to go he was waiting for me once but the 2nd time he was going inside home ,, the strange thing was he is always waiting for me when I am outside home till I come back and go out form my normal routine exercise. He did that repeatedly for several time and I started to again to ignore him and I didn’t go out for 5 days ,, but when I saw him waiting for me for more than 1 hrs under my bedroom window for several nights , I began to look at him through my window and again going outside for my exercise again and looking at him ,, after that he again started to go in when he sees me. This time I started to go to another place for my exercise , and not in our neighborhood . He started to wait under my bed room window in the street ,, but right now I am ignoring him ..
    Is he not in to me ??? and why he I doing such strange behavior ??

    • carpe diem permalink

      Lava, He sounds REALLY creepy. I would be very careful.

    • lava ali permalink

      Golden_Wing and ( carpe diem ) THX A LOT for your advices . I m careful and still ignoring him ,, just waiting for THE ONE to advice me and tell me what to do .

      • carpe diem permalink

        Lava, The one is just going to tell you to run, run really really fast and don’t look back. My words of course. If you read ALL of his/her posts this wouldn’t even be a question. Again, the answers you are looking for lays in all the posts. Check em out…

    • Lava,

      The more important question is “Are you into this man?” What about a lurker in the shadows who stalks you makes him a viable suitor with boyfriend potential?

      The answer to this question estimates how much you feel you deserve to have a suitor, and more importantly, be safe.

      He is likely a man who doesn’t know how to approach a woman because he objectifies females. So all he can do is lurk, hide, peep, and scheme. He may be a nutjob ready to attack you at some point.

      His behavior is unsettling. He is trespassing your property and may even be a danger to you.

      Continue to ignore him. Make sure someone is always with you in the house or when you are out exercising. And you ought to call the police and let them know what he is doing. Maybe they can get him to stop. If he continues, a restraining order will be necessary.

  14. I noticed a guy at my college’s gym who I would see all the time. I smiled at him and he said hi, and the next day, he initiated a conversation with me. We would see each other there a couple days a week and talk for about 20 minutes. He’s 28 ,a grad student, and I’m 19. He SEEMED to show a lot of interest in me, he would remember EVERYTHING i told him, he would always ask me how my midterms or papers went, and he would look at me for a long time and smile and laugh at everything I said. This went on for several weeks, but he never asked me for my number.
    School ended, so I added him on Facebook and messaged him. We messaged for about a month, then I casually brought up hiking because it was something he showed interest in. I said that I always wanted to go but could never find anyone willing to go with me, hint hint. He never replied after this! Should I talk to him if I see him when school starts or is he not into me? I developed really strong feelings for him

    • OMG. This happens to me all the time. The hints don’t work. Or maybe guys just like to be friendly flirty without romantic intentions.

      I have a hunch this guy might already have a gf and you were a nice summer distraction.

      Turning down hanging out dates doesn’t work either. They just take it as a no and find another girl to hang out with who then becomes their gf. They live happily ever after.

    • Maddie,

      It is great you got along well with him. However, please do not go by how you feel about him at this point, but go by what he has done to pursue you — which is nothing. The only thing he did was take advantage of the convenience of seeing you at the gym regularly. All he had to do was walk over with his two legs and open his mouth. This is something anyone can do and therefore, does not win him any special privileges.

      When he didn’t ask you out after spending 20 minutes with you, you should have backed off and left him alone. Do not grant any man bonus points just because he has a conversation with you while bumping into you somewhere. If a man doesn’t become a SUITOR, he is not worth having feelings for.

      Don’t hint anymore. He already showed you he has zero interest in you when he didn’t think you were worth even having coffee with. Always remember: your FEELINGS are the WORST indication of whether a guy is worth your time. ONLY HIS ACTIONS are indicative.

      I strongly urge you to change your entire approach. Get the EGuides and seriously delve into them so you’ll know about social media, Prize Catch behavior, and the ingredients men need to become your boyfriend.

      Start with the very basic: “Be a Prize Catch Date” and “Become His Girlfriend”. If you can’t seem to forget about him (even if you never had sex with him), read “Get Over Him & Detoxify” first.

      You can do this!

  15. Oh and did I mention I can’t do anything or see anything without reminding me of him. He’s already talking to other girls like I meant nothing to him. Is he moving on? What do I doooooo. I’m a mess. Complete disaster I would never do something like this but im desperate for an opinion.

    • Y,

      He’s moved on. So should you. Any attempt to get him back is out of desperation and just makes him lose respect for you. He already wants to live without you. Don’t tarnish his memory of you even more.

  16. Okay. Me and my boyfriend have dated for over a year, he ended it a week ago today. I’ve been blowing him up and he refuses
    To talk to me, he says he’s done for good. I tried going to his house twice but that made it worse, he lives in another state and only came home for the weekened to see me. He says I was mean to him and I agree in the beginning I was, I had just got out of a serious relationship and jumped into one with him. I was mean and selfish. But then I fell in love with him. Now I can’t be without him he was so loving and sweet and the best thing that has ever happened to me. We had our fights but we had the best time together. I’m really considering just showing up and trying to talk again. What do I do? Please help.

    • Y,

      Chalk this one up as a lesson you will learn from. What did being with him teach you? What did the break up teach you? If you can come away wiser and better for it, you will be ready to be with a guy who treats you well and make it work. Take a break from men for now and become a Prize Catch. This way you will never pick fights with a guy and you will appreciate when he cherishes you.

      Why? Because your strength and confidence should come from your ability to resolve your issues, not from whether or not he loves you. You fell in love with him because you were codependent, not because you were coming from a place of being intact and healthy. That is why you wore him down and drove him away.

      To move on, you need to get closure by first detoxifying. The EGuide “Get Over Him & Detoxify” will offer you steps to do so. Then when you are ready, the other EGuides will show you how to start being a Prize Catch!

      You deserve to feel whole and healed, not drag the remnants of toxicity from one relationship to the next. Stop whatever you’re doing and begin your recovery of YOU.

  17. Hey,

    i know im being silly in asking for help with my situation because i kinda already know what you’re going to say. But i might as well tell someone..

    So I have feelings for this guy for a while now. I can’t see him because he lives in another country. We were childhood friends, but its only recently that I developed these feelings.

    I’ve been texting him every now and then, and his polite enough to reply. But that’s it, his just being polite. He wouldn’t ever text me first or really get deep into our conversations. I’ve tried to make it longer but it doesn’t work.

    I’ve been thinking that maybe I should just tell him how i feel, and see what happens? Although he probably already knows. I duno.

    Im losing my mind here. I’ve never felt like this for anyone, ever. I tried getting over him it’s been 9 months and I still can’t!

    I’m being stupid, i know, his not into me right? If he was, he would’ve shown it. I should probably move on.

    But can you just confirm this for me,
    Try again to move on? Or tell him?

    Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. Much appreciated.

    • R,

      Welcome to the blog. You want a confirmation on what you already know, but a part of you hopes otherwise!

      When he receives your texts again and again, he is fully aware you like him. So you have already shown him that. By telling him in words, you will put him on the spot and he will be forced to address the issue.

      If he likes you as well, it wouldn’t be an issue. But because he never initiated texts and never seized upon every chance when he got your texts to tell you he likes YOU, you can safely bet he does NOT feel the same way you do. Even if he did have feelings for you, he isn’t allowing himself to act on them. Therefore, he might as well not be into you.

      No action means the same no matter what feelings are behind it.

      Therefore, if you tell him about how you feel, imagine him either telling you he doesn’t feel the same way, lying to you that he does, or ignoring your texts in the future. How would you feel?

      And if being hurt and embarrassed is the only way for you to let him go, then go ahead and do it. Perhaps it is the only way your fantasies about him can be put to an end.

      And it IS a fantasy if it’s one sided. If he were fantasizing about you, he’d be thrilled beyond belief to hear from you and would show it.

      What I advise in my EGuides may not be easy to do, but that’s because you’re not used to it. Picking up good dating habits is like learning a new sport. The more you do it, the better you get, and the easier it becomes. Pretty soon it becomes second nature and you don’t even have to think about it.

      Initiating texts long distance is one of the most time-wasting thing any Prize Catch can do. So no more fantasies. Stop the texts, and move on.

      Mr. Right is wrong when he isn’t into you!

  18. Hi The one,

    I met a guy 3years ago through a friend. She was dating his Roomate at that time. I showed up with her one late night as her wing woman. When I met him, we talked and kept drinking and started making out. He really wanted to have sex and I slowed him down because I did not. We continued talking and making out until we fell asleep. My friend finally having to leave, woke me up and I just left while he was still asleep. And nothing came about after that. No follow up no nothing. So I left it as “it is what it is”.

    Fast forward, I recognized him at a club I always go to. I Just mind my business and have fun. He has become a regular at the club as well. So I see him every so often. I can tell he checks me out and I always find myself making quick eye contact with him. But nothing is done after that. I realized I like him and I don’t know why. I don’t know him enough.

    Last year, same club, I was having so much fun in celebration of my promotion. I got really drunk and didn’t even realized it. Just when I was going to buy some water, he comes up to me for a dance.. (Mind you I was already dancing and was trying to make it to the bar for some water).

    I was stuck with my words, because we see eachother and he never talked to me before… and just when I was going to say “..not right now I’m heading to the bar…” He insisted. So when I got on the dance floor with him, that’s when the breaking point of blacking out happened. Vaguely remembering things I said “I need to find my friends”. I left him. Then somehow we found eachother again. He said “I remember you, you know, we’ve met before…”
    We sat down and were talking (I think) and started making out.

    He was such a gentlemen that night. I hate it that I don’t remember much. We walked to his car and he drove me to my friends. This time before I left he got my phone to take his number and he called his phone to save mine.
    I was just so eager to leave because I knew my friends were probably worried. But we just couldn’t stop making out.

    Next day, I was so embarrassed I decided to hit him up first. Saying thank you for walking me and that I never get like that. Am so embarrassed. I made a joke about it. We laughed and that was the end of our convo.

    I’m old fashioned. I just sit back and wait to be hit up. But in this case I just felt I had to text him first since we do go to the same club etc. And I just want to be in good terms and thank him.

    Again, no follow up from him. Or anything. I still go to the same club and see him sometimes and I pretend like nothing happened. Lol

    However, the way he looks at me sometimes makes me feel some type of way. I want to get to know him but I feel if he hasn’t done so must mean otherwise. Honestly, I feel a little rejected.

    Reason I ran into your website. Because I want to know if I should initiate the first move. But with so much history, would I look desperate as if all I wanted was him for so long. There will always be this club that we will see eachother if things don’t work out. I want to approach him as a friend first. Because I know what’s he’s all about when guys go to clubs.

    Sorry for Long story, it’s been going thru my mind couple of months now. And I haven’t talked to anyone about it until now.

    • D,

      Of course you shouldn’t initiate the first move! If you are truly old-fashioned as you say you are, you wouldn’t have made out with him when you first met him, made out with him again drunk, and then fall for him, a guy who has never even called you on the phone or asked you out on a date.

      Guys would never tell you they aren’t interested. They will SHOW you by lack of action. A guy who is interested would call and take you out after he has met you. He wouldn’t need you to help him date you.

      This guy is nothing but a club guy. Just like he doesn’t need to be told what clothes to put on in the morning, he also doesn’t need to be told to pursue a woman. He will when he is ready and interested!

      It is best you forget about him so you can find someone who cares about you and wants to be with you. Start by investing in knowledge on how to be a Prize Catch via the EGuides. The earlier the better, so years of your life do not end up down the tube, irretrievable.

      Start with “Be a Prize Catch Date” EGuide. If you have further questions, consider doing an Email Exchange for personal advice.

      You are the only person in the world who can give you what you deserve. What you deserve is a man who adores and cherishes you, not a man who ignores you and makes out with you at a club at his convenience.

  19. Missy permalink

    There’s this guy I have known for over a year (we used to work together). But I have been a long term relationship and live with my partner (not married). I’m in my late 20s he’s a little younger. I REALLY like him. He has always known about my boyfriend. But we have definitely have chemistry, great conversations, good laughs, lock eyes even amongst a crowd with friends, and touchy flirty advances so much that others noticed the “sexual tension” as they called it. One of my friends took it upon herself to have side conversation to get the low-down. She claims he admitted that he likes me but I have a boyfriend. He really smart, cautious, and strategic thinker type guy so he’s admission has me plagued a bit. When I reflect and rack my own brain if he has any feelings for me I recall times where he has asked me out a couples of times but I didn’t go because of my situation or thinking I’m playing hard to get because I felt stood up by him (he apologized the same night). For example, he asked me to go out to a party at a lounge/bar because he didn’t know anyone accept the host. He had never done this before. He texted me around noon and we weren’t going to be meeting until 10 that night. To me, he really wanted me to go as opposed to rebound, last minute invite. If he does like me why doesn’t tell me himself? Why isn’t he much more direct despite our obviously chemistry? What should I do if anything at all?

    • Missy,

      If you want to be available for other guys, you must break up with your boyfriend first. Don’t expect guys to show more interest in you and take you seriously if they know you are in a relationship.

  20. Hi The One,

    I guess this is similar to a few people that have posted. I ‘met’ a guy online and we’ve been texting almost every day for the last two weeks (about?). He always says things like, “We should meet up!” and then nothing happens. I kinda feel like I’ve put the ball in his court already by agreeing, “Yes – we should meet up!” and then nothing. Should I give up on this guy? So great to talk to online, but I’m afraid he’s just stringing me along while he checks out other prospects and that’s why he’s stalling. It’s happened to me in the past many times, so now I’m afraid that I’ve just become bitter and paranoid thinking that all guys who don’t pursue immediately are just yanking my chain. Thoughts?

    • Franki,

      Move on and don’t contact him anymore. Learn how to separate the online DUDS from the SUITORS, and the way to do it is to be an online Prize Catch who draws the suitors and eliminates the duds.

      Please get the EGuide on Online Dating. It details exactly what you need to avoid the scenario you just described so you can find someone worth your time. Without knowing HOW, you end up groping in the dark and bumping into obstacles, never knowing the way out — wasting a lot of time and a lot of emotional energy.

      Dating by trial and error is NOT the way to go about this, because years can pass by without any changes or improvement! You deserve to be relaxed and happy. Get the EGuide and you will find out how effortless online dating can be when you are equipped with the right knowledge and tools.

  21. Dear OneTruth,

    So I’ve been seeing this guy for a about three months. During the first montg, it was absolutely amazing! We would call each other all must every night. And over the phone , he would always get me to go deeper into my personal life and my outer most interests. But for some reason I couldn’t. Maybe that should have been a red flag right there. and I think because of that, he started to withdraw from me. And I really and still am in love with this guy. So I did what any other girl would do when she starts to panic about a man, we ended up sleeping together. As the weeks past, I couldn’t help but notice a drastic chance in his attitude towards me. He went from this sweet charming warm person to a total heartless asshole. Or one week he’d be so into me then the next he’d go cold silence on me. And I can’t help but to be so miserable when he doesn’t talk to me and so overjoyed with a single text that reads “hey, wassup” I can’t tell you how much it hurts to know how badly he treats me when he’s fully aware on how much I care for him. I know for a fact he’ll always have my back. but please tell me if there’s any way that he won’t have my heart any more, if you think this is a lost cause. I can’t keep chasing after this fool.

    • Kadi,

      Welcome to the blog! I’m sorry to hear about the pain you are enduring right now.

      When the whole thing starts off without actual dates, you easily end up having a phone relationship — which is all about creating a fantasy that is bound to come crashing down anytime. Never fall in love with a phone guy!

      You slept with him because you felt it was the only way to keep him in your life, when that is the WORST way to keep a guy around. He became heartless because he saw that you didn’t value yourself, so he didn’t value you. Men treat you EXACTLY the way you train them to. No more, no less. NO EXCEPTION.

      Every time he pays a bit of attention to you, you become overjoyed because you’re used to getting nothing. So this is where you settle. In the universe of dating, texts are PITIFUL CRUMBS. He probably shakes his head finding it unbelievable that you’d be happy with the little he throws at you!

      If you want more than that, you need to value yourself, feel worthy, and behave accordingly. No matter how much you love a man, even if he’s the EMBODIMENT OF PERFECTION, you can’t budge an inch from the standards you uphold for yourself or you will get treated badly.

      The more you are grateful for his crumbs, the more he will disdain you and think there is something wrong with you for being desperate. It may seem unfair and cruel, but that’s just the nature of the beast.

      When you say, “he’ll always have my back”, that sounds like he’s only a friend. A suitor isn’t interested in having your back. He is interested in winning your heart and proving to you he is the best one for you on the market. You want a suitor, not a friend!

      You’re right. You cannot keep chasing him. It is a lost cause if you keep it up. Let him go and learn what being a Prize Catch is about. You deserve to date without pain, anxiety, and confusion. And the Prize Catch sleeps like a princess as a result!

      Please consider getting the EGuides to get yourself started. Every time you experience heartache, you need time to be on the mend. So unnecessary pain always wastes precious time. The EGuides reveal how to avoid getting sidetracked and derailed by men who are time-wasters, who can’t value you or commit to you — so you can be well on your way to finding men who can. I’m also available to assist via Confidential Email Exchange.

      Expect to invite bad treatment UNLESS you become a Prize Catch!

  22. Avatarded permalink

    Half of these reasons can be addressed by actually becoming the suitor yourself:
    — If his fear of rejection is too great, he will not pursue.
    Showing interest in the potential suitor alleviates this fear of rejection, either party can then become the suitor and move on to a successful relationship. By definition affection must be mutual to achieve success. No reason not to take the first step.

    –If he doesn’t have enough money to pay for dates, he will not pursue.
    Pursuing a potential partner is an expensive process, with so much emphasis on equality in the workplace, the object of your affection may be waiting for you to “put your money where your mouth is” in terms of equal responsibility. Some may feel that the current system (being obligated to cover all expenses) is at its core essence an unholy amalgamation of gambling and prostitution.

    If this doesn’t sit right with you, then he’s not the man for you, but if you’re OK with pursuing him no reason to believe it wouldn’t work out.

    –If he is too overwhelmed with responsibilities (work, family, kids, exes, baby moms), he will not pursue.
    Initiating pursuit has innate responsibilities associated with it, if he is overtaxed as it is, becoming the suitor could alleviate this burden. By becoming the suitor and taking charge of the organization of meetups, you demonstrate both the ability to be accommodating and personal responsibility over your own destiny. Both are traits that is highly valued by “overly” responsible adults.

    –He knows you want him and thus doesn’t have to do anything to get your attention, win your heart, or obtain your company.
    Love is not a game. This breaks down two ways: He wants you back, or he doesn’t.
    If he wants you back: Mission accomplished!
    If he doesn’t: See: Chemistry.

    –You will never know and never find out, therefore, SHOULD NEVER CARE.
    You can find out if you take on the role of suitor and are rejected. If you’re not rejected, mission accomplished.

    Rolling “just wants sex into 1 category (did or didn’t put out).

    So half reasons can addressed by becoming the suitor, remind me again why the woman shouldn’t consider becoming a suitor?

    Makes her look desperate?
    Well that’s a perspective that may not be shared by her quarry, and if the object of her affection thinks it does (and it bothers him) then it’s probably not a good match anyway.

    • 1. The Prize Catch shows interest by accepting an offer for a date. How else is she supposed to show interest? The One recommends being friendly, polite, engaging, making eye contact etc. These are ways to show availability which the suitor must pick up on and make the move. In fact most romantic encounters ARE initiated by women, albeit subtly. But the man must ask her out. If he is fearful, he is probably not that interested anyway besides who wants a fearful suitor? Most women love assertive masculine males. When the woman becomes a suitor regardless of the fear levels of the man, she not only puts herself at a greater risk but such encounters often do not lead to a relationship. Being a suitor for a woman has very very low chances of success.

      2. Who says, dates have to be expensive, elaborate etc.? Suitors have to be creative!

      3. How is becoming a suitor to a man who is already overwhelmed with responsibilities going to solve the problem? He simply won’t have time to invest back. Why would a woman want a man who is too busy for her? It is best to leave such men alone until they sort their lives out. When a man is ready, he WILL pursue.

      4. The problem isn’t just that a man will reject if a woman becomes the suitor. The problem is that he might accept and use her because he doesn’t have to invest in her. This is far more devastating to women than men.

      5. Women suffer more from being perceived as desperate socially and not just by the suitor but by other suitors in whom their value goes down as well as the competition and other bystanders. Rejection isn’t the same for men and women in our society as it is now.

  23. sophisticated misses permalink

    hi everyone, i need help with an issue ive been having. i met this guy but he wasnt from the usa. when i met him, we went on one date while he was in the usa and then he left. we continued to communicate through emaill, skype, and pictures. because he ran a business in europe and couldnt travel often to the usa, we agreed that he would try to come back for the summer. if not, i would come there. well, he found out that it would be impossible for him to come. he was frustrated about it and said that our relationship wouldnt work because of distance and just wanted to be friends. we continued talking. when my birthday came around, i jokingly asked him to buy a gifted not knowing he would say yes, but he did. he seemed more excited than i was about it. initially, i only wanted a handbag and pair of shoes. he insisted i ask for more because he wouldnt be able to send gifts often, he said. i went to websites, screen shot all of what i wanted and sent it to him. he kept telling me if i wanted more to get. so i did. and before i knew it, i had sent him over 30 things all over $500. he was pissed and didnt respond for about a month because he thought i was trying to use him. finally he said would like to try again because really cared for me. then i didnt hear from him for about a month. this went back and forth more than twice. he finally told me it wouldnt work because he didnt trust me. i truely liked this guy and i wasnt trying to use him, im just guilty of being greedy. so my question is, was i wrong? was he wrong for leading me on? i feel like he should been more honest from start instead of wasting my time on him.

    • When he told you he couldn’t make it work, you should have believed him. So no, he did not lead you on. And he was just being generous in asking you what you wanted for gifts, and you went overboard. Next time, don’t be greedy, and don’t expect a guy to do something he already told you he cannot.

      For more on your situation, Get In-Depth Advice Now via confidential Email Exchange, or get your secret weapon in dating when you Order EGuides Today.

      Hope to help you further!

  24. hello the One,

    its me again. secretly hated my bf evrytime i see he’s making some comments on the pictures of some of his girl friends on fb. sometimes he’s commenting on the pic of my pretty cousin. there is nothing wrong with his comments but i dont like it. as u say, men are biological scanners by nature, and sometimes i take comfort with this truth. but i feel a bit of range sometimes. its making me uncomfortable, is there something wrong with me?or with my bf? i want to trust him because we are in along distance relationship and fb is mostly our medium for constant communication. (he’s working out of country). nevertheless, he reassures me to just keep my faith in him evrytime he feels im getting distant and treating him coldly. i not wearing my heart at my sleeve anymore nd really maintains a samall doubt with evrything he says because im afraid what if he’ll change.

    he has a style of adding a lot of girls as friends in fb even though he dont know them personally, and im suspecting he’s chatting these girls somehow. –>a strong assumption. cAUse we knew eACH other the same way before we became gf/bf’s! im overanalizing my bf sometimes and its time consuming.. sometmes pressure myself to divert my attention to doing things and getting busy with just anything, except fb! sometimes fb is my source of range. i dont want to be suspicious or malicious or assuming .. what should i SIMPLY do? 😦

    • Cathyap,

      Flirting with girls on Facebook is disrespectful to you. It may become an addiction for him. You have to decide if you want to always be irritated by this, because he may never quit. Either you accept this and try to be happy, or don’t accept it and leave him. Choose one!

      I sent you a payment link for the EGuide if you’re still interested.

      • sophisticated misses permalink

        Ok, and thank you one truth. You’re right, i should’ve believed him when ge said it wouldn’t work thw first. But he was the one that said lets try to make it work all the other times, not me! I just shouldn’t have been so gullible. But u were vwry helpful. Thank u!!!

  25. basketball permalink

    Hi the One.

    I went to play basket ball tonight with my friend just messing around at the local courts.

    The cutest guy i have EVER seen was there.

    He helped us get our ball back when it was stuck in the hoop. I’m really shy but managed to say thanks and smile.

    Then he kept trying to help us (which was so sweet) but because everyone was around I wasn’t too sure how to act (and we didn’t even know this person), so I didn’t really show much interest (although I thought he was the hottest thing ever).

    Eventually he sat down with his mates (near where we were) while we kept playing.

    He asked if we wanted to use his ball (so ours wouldn’t keep getting stuck in the hoop) which i politely declined and thanked him anyway.

    Then we left (it was slightly overwhelming to unexpectedly be faced with someone I was attracted to when i’d just planned to play basket ball).

    I feel like I lost the opportunity to develop something with possibly someone who might have been compatible.

    Anyway I guess I was just wondering if he had been interested, although i’m hopelessly shy, should he have tried harder, or is it my fault for not being more open: 😦

    I just didn’t want to appear desperate.

    • There was nothing you or your friend could do except let him make his move. If he didn’t, HE lost the opportunity!

      I recommend that you to get your secret weapon in dating and relationships when you Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      • ennis permalink

        HE lost the opportunity? A kind, helpful, sensitive gentleman appeared and she did NOTHING? And HE lost the opportunity? Wow! What an attitude!

  26. hi the One,

    may i ask how to turn down a suitor you don’t like/not your type gracefully. thank you

    • Hi Cathyap,

      Just say “Sorry, I’m really busy.” This won’t hurt his feelings as much.

      If he doesn’t give up, you’ll have to give him the truth: “Look, I don’t think this is going to work. I don’t see you that way. I wish you the best.” Hopefully that will be enough to make him realize he’s wasting his time.

      Good luck!

      Feel free to Get In-Depth Advice or Order EGuides Today.

  27. For your information. This Ryan idiot is copying the so called advise he is giving you from other peoples blogs who happens to be real relationship experts ( Counsellors ).

  28. Elizabeth permalink

    Hi The One!

    I want to tell you how AMAZING your blog is! Telling the truth and no bullshit like all the other websites! Thank you so much! I will be so happy if you could just tell me what to do….

    I have been very confused by a man. We met last June in a club and he approached me and we hooked up. He kept on saying that he would text me even when I told him not to lie because we both know how the hooking up game goes. Then he gave me a key telling me that he will collect it when he sees me for lunch in a few days. He did text me the other day which surprised me, and I started liking him, but on the day of the date he texted me hours later saying that he can’t make it and would like to see me later that day. I wasn’t available and he said he will see me when we are both back in hong Kong. I texted him when i was back and suggested subtly having a drink as it was his birthday and he said yes but never got back to me. then in a week, i saw him in a club and he was surprised and happy, and asked if i wanted to get out of the club. i said yes and went to say goodbye to my friends but he went away. Then I saw him again, we talked but suddenly a girl came and i left. Didnt see him until a month later in a club, and he approached me, inviting me to his table, even grabbing my sister to see if she recognized him. I rejected the drinks because i didn’t want to seem like an easy girl whose just after the drinks. Throughout the night he would talk to me. then we both came back to london (we are students), and i texted him a few times to ask about specific things that he could help me with, uni and parties, then last weekend i went out and was very drunk. I texted him and even called him, asking him to come out, but he said no because it was too cold and far. i called and asked why and whether or not he had a girlfriend and he said no. and then eventurally i went to his place. he gave me his address. and the night ended up with us just sleeping together on the bed. at one point i took my dress off and was naked next to him. but he didn’t touch me even once. and after a while, he looked at me and asked what i was thinking, and i told him that i like him, and i think its a bad thing because he is a guy i met in a club and i know he doesn’t like me. he asked when was the last time we saw each other…. and i told him to tell me to stop liking him. then i left in the morning. i texted to say sorry but his reply was lol dont worry.

    i don’t know why i like this stranger so much… it has been so long and i am really sad about it. i am really confused. please tell me what to do! i am so sorry for my long story but i would really appreciate your help! i know women should not do the chasing.. but i’m thinking of asking him out for a coffee or a meal because i feel really bad about that night. and i don’t want us to be in an awkward situation as we don’t talk to each other.

    Elizabeth 🙂

    • Elizabeth,

      Thanks for posting! Glad this blog rings true for you!

      My advice is to eliminate time-wasters and zero in on men who step up. This way you avoid the confusion you experienced.

      First off, you told him not to lie. As a Prize, you refrain from telling a man what to do. You simply do what YOU have to do. In this case, you let him say he wants to text you, and let him do it. When he fails to, you keep on moving on as if nothing happened. You don’t pin your hopes on a guy just because he says he’ll text you.

      When a guy doesn’t ask you out for a date, seeing him and talking to him amount to teaching him you have no value. That you are not worth his effort. You need to cut his conversations short and move on, to train him that you are worth a lot more than an accidental meeting at a club. Texting him first confirms that you feel you’re not good enough for a date.

      I can tell you lots more about how you SHOULD NOT feel sorry, how you can change your behavior so you don’t feel like you have to do so much, and why doing what you’re doing now is making things worse for you.

      For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

      The One

  29. Tricia Dawo permalink

    I’m just curious about something. I’m not sure if I’ve already made a mistake. Here is the situation. This guy’s been an aquaintance from high school 2 years my senior. He’s now 32. He had a horrible break up and we used to talk about it. We’d always been minimal friends on Facebook, but then last year he started pursuing. Sending me his pictures his son’s pictures, telling me I’m his kind of girl it went on for 2 weeks then he started withdrawing. He’s hot and cold with the pursuing. like he will txt chat today and go quiet for a few days. I stoppped following up and realised that each time I do so he will be quiet for a max of 4-5 days and send then he’ll initiate the chats. We still give each other advice on life’s important issues, he’ll even tell me he’s getting a pay raise etc….I ended up asking him what going on and he said he’s avoided thinking about it because part of him wants to try but another part of him is not sure, he was like let me answer 2morrow…2 days later I sent him a hi and responded and was asking about me day. I was like great wassup with the response to our discussion and he just went quiet again…..where am I going wrong??? unfortunately I’ve fallen for this guy I’ve tried deleting his number soo many times but somehow a day or two later as though he knew I’d deleted his number from my phone he’ll txt chat again…am sooo frustrated

    • Tricia,

      Welcome! When a guy is hot and cold, it’s called MIXED MESSAGES. What are mixed messages? They are one and one thing only: Another word for “NO.”

      A man who seeks you out, pursues you, and consistently tries to be on your radar, is a man who has ZERO mixed messages. He is all GREEN LIGHT for GO, and “Y-E-S, I am into you.”

      I would like to point out all the other RED FLAGS that this guy exhibited that you need to know about right away so when confronted with this again with him or another man, you RECOGNIZE THEM instantly to avoid further frustration.

      I’d also like to explain to you WHY you fell for him when all indications point to him being UNABLE to offer you a relationship. I do this by offering a detailed and personalized Analysis and Feedback (including Guidance and Answers). Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange. Remove the guesswork that takes women nowhere!

      You can then tell me anything else you’d like, and I will address all of your concerns. Consider this as an opportunity to INVEST IN YOU.

      Look forward to hearing from you, Tricia!

  30. Ok, email me the payment link please. I need help with my mess.

  31. The One, I really hope you don’t mind me asking this, and if you get a chance to answer, great. If there has been any initiation on my part, and some very vague hinting at another date, am I to assume that it’s a lost cause? The guy is likely a time waster anyway, and I know I’m worth more than waiting. But for future reference I’d like to know. There have been times when I have initiated contact only or texted right back. Should I have just let this one go completely? There have been two dates he initiated and paid for. Thankyou!

  32. Susie permalink

    Dear the One,

    Thanks for your response and I have taken everything you have said on board and just moved on with my own life. Aspiring to career goals, pursuing my hobbies and seeing friends. I’ve started on-line dating too.

    It’s confusing for me to know what to say to man who asks’ what are you looking for?’ I would like a committed relationship, but is this too deep to say to a new man? what can I say that makes it resolutely understood that I don’t want a casual hook up, yet not scary for a new man e.g. wedding bells and marriage. Some men have asked me ‘what are you looking for?’ before I’ve even met them for a date. My answer could possibly be the deciding factor to whether they will pursue me and ask me out… Does saying ‘I’m interested in serious relationship’ put men off? including men who otherwise may have been good suitors. Sometimes men don’t even know what they want, until they meet the right woman, no?

    Your advice is invaluable.


    • Susie,

      Interesting points you raised! Good that you’re filling your life with absorbing, fun things.

      Men ask that question to avoid wasting their time. Players want to know. Men who seek serious relationships also want to know. But the latter type of men also don’t want to be pressured into a relationship before they are ready and if it’s not their idea in the first place, even if they do want one.

      There’s more I need to tell you, so please sign up at Get In-Depth Advice Now for confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

  33. leela permalink

    hi The one ,gosh this site is like a bible! God bless you for the wonderful service!
    right now im pretty confused about my situation ,hope you’ll throw some light on it.
    i met this guy online about 3 years ago ,though he asked me for a date right after a few chats ,i declined (we lived in different countries then),since then i continued chatting,and i fell for him and confessed my feeling to him(ouch,i know),meanwhile he kept pursuing me for a date..last year he shifted his base to my city for good(he’s transferred here),so we had a real date last year,which went well,i was really attracted and told him so (eww,i know :(…)but he kept his own pace and asked me out again,but i told him i’ll not step out unless its commitment and hinted marriage (stupid me :(…),to which he said he’s isnt really sure about this and needs time to settle down atleast 5 we broke up on that ..2 months later he messages me im missing you n stuff,with me replying the same to him.he said he likes me and would like to spend his life with me but needs atleast 2 years time to settle down,we started to see other again ,all the while me feeling something’s not well and forced ,bcuz he never complimented me,(im pretty ,so im told lol),didnt get me atleast a flower on valentines day,wasnt lovey dovey,would often ask me to pay on dates,often asked me to plan date venue..uggh i got tired and confronted him why he isnt expressive enough while he knew i loved him,he said he isn’t romantic and im not his type we argued on that and decided to break off…then 5 months ago he messaged me again saying he’s sorry,he missed me ,wants me back etc then i had moved on and wasn’t willing to get back,but he kept on pursuing me,we started dating again,and he went back to his lazy ways,he never made me feel special or even appreciated ,he criticised my dressing style,just sent a msg on my birthday,i paid on dates mostly,he even borrowed money,had issues saying i love you(bcuz of a past girlfriend issues),he even went as far as saying this is a mutual setting not love marriage..which hurt me.he told me he’s in contact with his ex,which i found weird bcuz he broke up with her as she was dominating and he wasn’t interested in why timepass/use people who were once interested in him?…it wasn’t just feeling right and he went around saying people saying he’s single,he even told me on my last meeting he’ll be okay if we broke up(this may be to make me feel jealous if i left him ,but still he has no right to make me feel bad when he never made me feel good either),i realised this man was never really into me and i chased him like a fool.i went home and just messaged him saying im not sure anymore and we should end this..he agreed ,after that i never texted him but he still messaging cute stuff hinting to get back,im ignoring and sometimes just a replying questions to you
    1)my friends tell me i should have lashed out at him for treating me shabbily and let him know im hurt..but im like whats the point now?mostly it was my own i right?

    2)he’s basically a nice guy,honest and i know he cared about me ,am i wrong to dump him now and move on instead influence/inspire him to love me?

    3)though he hasn’t exactly asked what exactly went wrong im afraid he would someday ask me this since i was the one who chased him ,he will put all the blame on me for dumping him ,how do i respond to that>?

    4)im not sure if he’s actually a time waster or a potential suitor,considering he always wanted to date but my speedin up of things upset the natural balance?

    5)how do i respond to his texts?bcuz i knw he’s testing waters once before,asking again for a date,cuz he once told me he’s a big give up,never pursued anyone,and fears rejection?

    6)if he’s a potential suitor ,how can i set things right?

    thanks in advance!!
    note: we never got physical with each other except for a kiss once ,cuz i was always particular no fooling around before marriage.

    • Leela,

      You told him how you felt about him right away, then threatened him that he needs to commit to you with marriage. Of course he doesn’t need to treat you like a PRIZE CATCH. A prize requires contestants to work hard to win it. He didn’t need to do much to win you. It was so easy that you must not be worth very much, according to him.

      For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

  34. La da di da da permalink

    Hi The One,

    Do men really care about our genuine feelings for them? And if you’re sexually appealing to men, will that stop them from seeing the real you? and not just objectify you as an object to be won? Thereby, pursuing you to win your heart? And not taking you for granted?

    Will there be an impact on them if they know that our love for them is utmost, genuine and sincere?
    Coz in women’s perspective, if they find about the guy’s genuine love for them, they’d be reconsidering the man? Will that also be the case with men?

    Thanks u in advance! May God bless u more with more wisdom and luck in life!

  35. Jane_Eyre permalink

    “You slept with him. You are no longer a trophy to be won. You were no challenge and are not worthy in his eyes.”

    Excuse me? I am never a trophy to be won, regardless of when I sleep with someone. I am a human being, not an object meant to be kept on a shelf. No man who sees me as a trophy, or any object, will ever be worthy in my eyes. What a misogynistic idea!

  36. nona permalink

    Thank U Dear The One i appreciate your reply…Ill Focus On My Life My Joy…:)…But how to deal him when i see him as we meet a lot At church….shall i ignore Him or deal Normal as if he is anyone..?

    • Let him talk to you first, and be nice if he does. Don’t approach him first. Treat him like everyone else, and don’t engage in long conversations with him.

  37. nona permalink

    Dear the one…the one who was pursuing came and asked me for an exclusive relation ship..i accepted..but my sister dont lilke he he realized that her attitude is bad towards him he took it personaly and told me to give some time to cure his feelings..i dont know if what had happened deserves his reaction he dont talk to me at all…i see him from time to time how shall i act at this situation ..thank u :))

    • Nona,

      If your sister’s opinion of him means that much to him, then he probably just isn’t up to the challenge and finds it too stressful to deal with. Or he may not be as into you as you think he is.

      You can’t force a man to love you more than he is ready to. Let him go. If he comes back, great. If he doesn’t, you’re moving on. So move on now and focus elsewhere. There is no point in you waiting around for him, wasting more time of your life on a man who may or may not change his mind.

      • ennis permalink

        Ms .Nona, yYou can’t “force” a woman to love you either, so what makes YOU more special?

  38. Susie permalink

    Dear The One

    Made so many blunders, in a nut shell over the past year a separated man has been initiating kisses and more (not full sex) he thinks full sex would make me feel terrible and he only wants something casual, while I want a relationship in the end. A lot of what happens between us takes place at work. I feel like I’ve been weak. There have been a few dates, only because I have asked for most of them. How do I put a stop to this gracefully? I know to stop pursuing him or asking him out and if he tries to kiss me at work or ask me out, how do I say in the best way possible to check back with me once his divorce papers are in hand. How do I move on now? Really appreciate your time and how you respond with such thoughtful and smart advice.


    • Susie,

      It’s good you admit you’ve been weak. Now you can begin getting stronger.

      You need to first be ready to stop all physical contact with him.

      Then you need to be ready to disengage from intimate conversations with him. These conversations fuel the romance and the fantasy, which you don’t need because all they do is keep you exclusive to him without the benefits of exclusivity.

  39. This is so true and I had many difficulties to understand it.

    If a man doesn’t feel a great deal of attraction when he first see you, he will never pursue you, NEVER.
    And there is nothing a woman can do to convince him to like her or to desire her.

    I had three men in love with me and they all said me after some time we were together:
    “when I first saw you, I knew it that I wanted you badly”.

    For me it didn’t work this way. It took me some time to fall in love and to decide if I like him, desire him and want to be in a committed realitionship with him. For them it was a question of a few seconds….

    So accept it and never pursue men. Because if he really likes you and he’s ready for the reliationship, he will be really thrilled to conquer you.

    • and sorry for the mistakes as English is not my language 😉

      • I didn’t even notice! Welcome to the blog and thank you for contributing your thoughts.

    • Yes, men know instantly if they are attracted to a woman. Congratulations in understanding why they must initiate the pursuit!

  40. Eileen permalink

    Most of the dating sites indicate that you have sex with a guy when you feel a genuine connection with him and hold on to yourself afterwards without bringing any drama. I don’t know what “withholding sex” here means. It means to be a prize you can’t have sex until that guy claims sexual exclusivity with you?

    • Eileen,

      I wrote this blog to help women avoid anxiety, pain, and confusion in dating. By withholding sex until you are in an exclusive relationship with a guy, there are a number of advantages which I’d love to share with you.

      For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you!

      • Eileen permalink

        The One, thank you for your reply. I totally agree with your statement that sex doesn’t make men bond emotionally. I reason why I asked the previous question is that other dating consultants state that if that guy really likes you and feels the deep connection, that fact that you’ve had sex already won’t stop him to pursue you.

        A woman definitely should not choose immediate sex over a long-term commitment if that is what she wants. It takes a while to build up some trust and understanding of each other to have sex. I have both girl and guy friends examples, which made me confused in the first place. My guy friend was dating multiple women and slept with some. But he really likes one of them. After they had sex, he still tried his best to win her over and ask for exclusivity. He is a well-rounded guy with many options in dating. I had girlfriend who had sex with a guy during dating phase when they were not exclusive and now they are a happy couple now.

        I am not trying to contradict your statement and advise by bringing up those examples. I agree that women should withhold sex in the beginning. I am just confused from what I’ve seen.

        • Eileen,

          Yes, it’s true there are a lot of relationships where sex occurred before exclusivity. Are all of them successful? I don’t think so. Success to me means the men are cherishing their girlfriends.

          For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.

          Hope to assist you!

  41. Anonymous permalink

    Hi The One!
    I just became one of your followers (today) and let me tell you that you are GREAT!! thank you very much for all of the advice. I have read blogs, websites (a lot of them) and from my experience you are far the most honest and clarifying of all. You give answers straight to the point and put anxiety to a 0 level.
    Thank you!

    • Thank you for following the blog! That’s my aim, to sort out the chaos and make things clear and easy to understand. I’m happy to eliminate anxiety for you so you can sleep like a princess!

  42. Charmaine permalink

    Hi The One,
    All your advice is excellent, but I know also that we all have to use common sense. There must be some circumstances where there are exceptions, and where we have to give someone the benefit of the doubt. An online situation has stalled, but I think it’s because the man is on business out of the country. We haven’t met yet, only talked e-mail and iM. I haven’t pursued at all, but don’t want to give up on it yet. Can something like this be “put on hold” (from my perspective only, of course…I wouldn’t ever say it to him). Advice please?

    • Charmaine,

      Should you give up on him? Why, do you want to put your life on hold for some reason?

      How many years do you have to waste on a guy who likes to chit-chat in CYBERSPACE and show total lack of interest in meeting you in person?

      Please sign up at Get In-Depth Advice Now for confidential Email Exchange.

      Hope to assist you.

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