Meet Jenny. She is a romantic. She believes in love. She also has a lot of love to give. One day she meets a guy named Vance at a college campus party. He asks her out on a date. She is thrilled because she finds him attractive, smart, and ambitious.
As they continue seeing each other, Jenny falls in love hard. Sometimes Vance is overwhelmed with school and his job as a store clerk and can’t go out with her. But due to the love she has for him, she doesn’t notice other men and just hangs out with her friends who get to hear all about him.
When she complains to Vance she hardly sees him, he asks her to pop over to his dorm room, citing convenience for the both of them. So she makes sure she is there otherwise she wouldn’t get to see him. When she’s there, she gives him back rubs and even has sex with him.
Two months pass and Jenny finds him taking longer and longer to call her. In fact, he wouldn’t return her texts till the next day and always has an excuse. Frustrated and angry, she confronts him at his dorm room. She tells him she doesn’t want to be put on the back burner and asks him if he met someone else. That’s when he confesses he isn’t ready to be in a relationship.
Feeling hurt and put in an awkward spot, Jenny starts arguing with him. Vance apologizes and tells her to see other guys. Later that night, Jenny is crying to her friends vowing to never go through this again. But because she doesn’t know what she did wrong and isn’t aware of what else to do, she calls Vance and leaves messages telling him she misses him and that she really wants to start fresh with him.
After five days, finally Vance calls back and explains to her he simply isn’t able to give her what she needs because he has too much on his plate. The more she questions him, the more he repeats his position. Then he says he initially just wanted to have a good time and thought she was fun to be with. But now, he realizes he doesn’t have time for a relationship.
Eventually Jenny accepts this and reluctantly says goodbye. In the next few months she tries hard to move on. She is glad they do not take classes in the same departments, so she never bumps into him. In the following school year, however, while walking by the cafeteria, she sees him holding hands with a girl. They look happy together and even kiss. Hurt and confused, she calls her friends and complains that he is a jerk.
So was Vance truly so busy and overwhelmed he couldn’t see Jenny anymore? Then why did he end up with another girl? Did he quit his store clerk job and make more time for her? What happened?
If you don’t know the answers to these questions and can’t figure out exactly what went wrong, then it is time you learn about Prize Catch behavior as explained in the EGuides.
Remember, LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. No amount of accommodating niceness from you is going to make a guy fall in love and make you exclusively his. In fact, the more you want him, the less he wants you. And it is not about being a mean bitch either.
What does it take?
I explained in the article “Do All Men Pursue?” that chasing is a male instinct. However, some men are overcome with factors that whittle their instincts away.
So who are these guys that require YOU to step up and initiate? To approach them first? To call them first? To ask for a relationship?
Here they are — mystery solved!
- Guys who are spoken for.
- Guys who have a deep-seated fear of intimacy, therefore rejection.
- Guys who can’t commit.
- Guys who are steeped in some kind of addiction, unhealthy behavior, or mental illness.
- Guys who are so overwhelmed that they won’t be able to be a proper suitor or eventual boyfriend (think insufficient income, overworking, lack of time, in the middle of a crisis or stressful situation, etc).
- Guys who have completely given up on chasing because they’ve been rejected repeatedly (usually by women out of their league) so they’ve become cynical and rail against the notion that men should be doing the chasing.
- Guys who….(fill in the blank).
Take a hard look.
Do these guys look like the kind you want to get involved with on a long-term basis?
Can you see any of these guys cherishing and adoring you consistently?
Can you see you’d be full of anxiety and pain if you become interested in them, or worse, fall in love?
Therefore, can you honestly believe initiating and chasing them would work?
Know the limits to girl power. You can’t take a guy and give him a makeover.
Don’t date a guy with potential. Date a SUITOR (as in “one who pursues”).
Having a man at any cost is not the way to get into a quality relationship.
What does this mean? It means you are willing to stop being a Prize Catch in order to be with him or stay in contact with him. Any one of these below means just that:
- You initiate and make plans to see him.
- You pay for dates.
- You help him out as if he were a charity case.
- You have sex without being in an exclusive relationship.
- You don’t need advance notice. He can pop in and out of your life at his convenience.
- A short text from him thrills you beyond belief. You wait forever for one!
- Anything he does creates a seismic shift in your life, such as letting you meet his dog.
- You hope after hope that by doing the above, he’ll be convinced of the strong connection you have together so he’ll make you his officially.
- You believe that going after the man you want is your right, because it’s the 21st century after all and women have earned the right to.
- You settle for being his “friend”.
Are you being with a man at any cost? Is it worth it?
It’s worth it if you are content and can live with yourself. Only you know deep down if you are doing right by you. And only you can decide to stop having a man at any cost.
The question to ask yourself is, “What am I lacking inside that needs a man to fill at my expense?”
Perhaps you are limiting yourself where nothing but this man can do the job, when there may be other ways to fill the emptiness that do not involve devaluing yourself.
Find other ways to fill yourself that actually make you feel worthy!
You could very well be the Meantime Girl in his life.
By not becoming his official girlfriend even after you’ve dated him, kissed him, slept with him, taken trips with him, had his babies, or met his Mom.
So what’s he waiting for? Why doesn’t he make you his girlfriend? Why doesn’t he make you his wife?
Well, maybe because he’s on the lookout for someone else?
He doesn’t think you’re The One?
He doesn’t know what he wants? (Though it’s clear he doesn’t really want you.)
He’s bored and needs a female to play with, and you make it convenient for him while he’s got other priorities?
He doesn’t want to be alone while he’s still looking?
He doesn’t care to ever be in any commitment with any woman?
He isn’t the type to settle down?
He’s got other Meantime Girls going on and he thinks none of you are the Prize?
He’s already got an official girlfriend or wife and he likes variety?
If any of the above applies to you, congratulations (NOT!): You’re his Meantime Girl who won’t ever be properly cherished or committed to by this man.
So if you’re dissatisfied with a guy, you might very well be a Meantime Girl and not know it. Find out today.
And most importantly, find out how you can be a Prize Catch and avoid getting trapped in this sad predicament that too many women are in.
Being a Meantime Girl is not without payoffs. It is exciting. It is unpredictable. It’s refreshing to see him. You feel so alive because you don’t know when you’d see him again, and mostly because you feel dead when you don’t.
Well, you’re caught off balance and off guard by him, that’s why! He doesn’t make plans and is unreliable, that’s why!
And before you realize it, you’re much older and not much wiser.
Don’t be a Meantime Girl for any man. Let the EGuides show you how to avoid this neatly laid trap of the 21st century!
Life is complicated enough. Why should you have to worry about who is right and who is wrong for you?
Let your Prize Catch behavior separate them on its own, without having to drive yourself crazy.
Your focus should be on sleeping like a princess. What sleeping princesses suffer from anxiety and worry?
So be a Prize Catch. Hint: If you don’t know how, get the EGuides!
If you do know how, the following is eliminated:
1. Men with mental health issues or behavioral disorders, such as narcissists, sociopaths, and schizophrenics.
2. Men with harmful addictions.
3. Men who are violent and unpredictable.
4. Men who are manipulative or controlling.
5. Men who are liars and con artists.
6. Men who are wishy washy, inconsistent, or unreliable.
7. Men who are lazy and passive.
8. Closet homosexuals.
9. Men who make bad lovers.
10. Men who make bad husbands.
11. Men who make bad fathers.
12. Users, abusers, and takers.
It takes a determined, patient man with a lot to offer to pursue and win a Prize Catch.
Which man makes it to the end?
If she is observantly aware of the red flags and won’t compromise her behavior, she finds out. His true colors show in the long run — inevitably.
And by sticking with the Prize Catch guidelines, she can RELAX and ENJOY herself. She doesn’t need to be paranoid and suspicious when she meets and dates men.
If each relationship takes an average of three years to get through to find out it doesn’t work, you can lose DECADES of your life knowing just as little as you did before you started.
When you don’t know WHY, HOW, or WHAT to do, there is no progress. You don’t get any closer to the goal just because a lot of time and energy was invested.
It’s not about your EFFORT.
It’s not about the EMOTIONS you had for him.
It’s not about the TIME you spent on the relationship.
It’s about the right KNOWLEDGE and UNDERSTANDING.
Get the knowledge and understanding that will save you from wasting effort, emotions, and time:
- By learning NEW ways of approaching the whole dating scene.
- By adopting a NEW perspective.
- By developing NEW dating and relationship skills.
Without doing these, you will repeat your mistakes sequentially and serially, one guy after another, until you waste so much time and build up so much bitterness and resentment that you’re no longer fun to be around for ANY GUY.
If you are inching your way to the destination in snail pace with little to show for, and want to get off the roller coaster to nowhere, you are ready more than ever for a BEHAVIORAL MAKEOVER.
Learn to be a Prize Catch today. (See my new article on How to be a Prize Catch Wife!)
So you want to be friends with him. Why?
Is it because he isn’t dating you?
Is it because you’re afraid you’ll never see him again?
Is it because crumbs are better than nothing at all?
Is it because it’s your last resort to keeping him in your life?
Just why would you want to be friends with someone who has the power to hurt you over and over just by existing?
The mere thought or sight of him will only be awful reminders that you’re not good enough for him. Why do that to yourself?
Friendship shouldn’t hurt. If you’re into pain, you need to find something better to do with your time and self-esteem.
You need to come up with a better excuse for wanting to be with a guy who isn’t interested in you.
(Hint: there are none.)
Or maybe he is the one offering you friendship. Why would he do that?
So he can have your company by snapping his fingers, without investing any effort?
So you can stroke his ego?
So he can use you for sex?
So you can be the Meantime Girl while he looks around for someone he can pursue and fall in love with?
Friendship should not be a last resort to holding onto a guy. It should never be on the table if you are attracted to or interested in him.
And if he is not interested in you, his offer of friendship is another way of breaking your heart every time you see him or hear from him. It is taking advantage of your devotion so you’re not free to be with someone better for you.
Friendship with him is nothing but an excuse for you to behave desperately. It doesn’t matter if you truly like him as a person and he’s a wonderful human being.
The fact that you’re into him makes him a dangerous creature.
Make friends elsewhere.
Excuse me, ladies:
Is he in a coma?
Is he six feet under?
Is he in the Witness Protection Program?
Did he disappear over the Bermuda Triangle on vacation?
Then why hasn’t he contacted you?
Why does he ignore you?
Maybe because it’s over and you refuse to accept it?
Maybe because he never saw you in his future?
Maybe because he couldn’t commit?
Maybe because he has someone already?
Maybe because you pressured him and stressed him out?
Actually, when there is no pursuit, the reason doesn’t matter.
It only matters if he is hospitalized or dead.
Listen, you just need to move on from this man. You need to stop with the excuses.
Give up trying to prove it’s salvageable.
Give up trying to prove there’s still chemistry.
Give up trying to prove you’re the best thing for him.
Give up trying to win him back.
Because desperation never looked so unattractive.
Even if his fingers were broken, he could still have someone dial your number for him.
Even if he woke up from the coma and couldn’t remember your number, he could Google you.
Yes, maybe a bit of effort on his part might mean he thinks you’re worth his time.
How do you think people found each other since the dawn of man? They busted their butts!
He can too. And if he doesn’t, HIT THE GROUND RUNNING.
Your life is waiting.