be a challenge, dating, dating advice, dating anxiety, find mr right, men love challenge, playing hard to get, the right one, the rules, why men should pursue women, women shouldn't chase men
Worrying, wondering, and waiting…
Do you find yourself doing that?
If you are experiencing the three W’s, it’s time to take a look to see if you are in any of these situations:
He isn’t asking you out.
He isn’t asking you to be exclusive.
He isn’t contacting you when he said he would or when you expect him to.
He isn’t…
He isn’t…
He isn’t…
Anything he isn’t doing is causing you to Worry, Wonder, and Wait. What should you do in response?
Well, if you’re engaging and paying attention to him and he is still not initiating, the answer is very simple. But it can be hard to do for a lot of people. Why? Because many people hold on to a fantasy of someone instead of facing the reality of that someone.
The answer is you need to move on. Of course, you don’t need to make a scene or cause him grief. Just let him know you’re moving on. Or, if you want to, quietly move on and let him Worry, Wonder, and Wait!
But I doubt if he will be doing that. Why? Because a guy who wants to be with you in a relationship is not going to disappear or be flaky.
A guy who wants to be in a relationship with you is incompatible with the above behaviors that cause you to Worry, Wonder, and Wait.
So anytime, you find out he isn’t stepping up, you don’t have to ask him how he feels about you. The answer is boldly and loudly stated in how he behaves. It’s your move now.
Have you been through the three W’s? How did you tackle it? Share your story!
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EGuides Testimonials Do All Men Pursue? But What If He’s… Reasons Why a Man Doesn’t Pursue False Indicators of a Man’s Interest How to Show Your Interest in a Man How to Act on a Date After the Date, Then What? How to Become His Girlfriend When & How to Reciprocate When to Let Him Go and Move On How to Get Him Back If You’ve Had Sex with Him What about Just Being Friends? Say No to Hanging Out After You Become His Girlfriend How to Be a Prize Catch Wife Online Dating Be a Prize Catch Single Prize Catch Dictionary
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Let Men Chase You 
Why is it so hard to allow a man to come to you?
Why does it require so much discipline to let a man chase you?
Your faith will be tested
your willpower will be tested
you will doubt his interest in you and you will doubt whether you’ve shown him enough interest.
You’ll wonder: What if he isn’t contacting you because he thought you weren’t interested so he backed off?
What if he is going to contact you soon because the space you’ve created has piqued his interest and calling him will throw the delicate chase balance off?
Can you risk losing him because of your impatience?
Just know that a guy doesn’t need any affirmation or indication of your interest in order to pursue you. He will do it because HE likes YOU.
How many times have you pursued a man while he showed no/false signs of interest in you and how many more times have you pursued a man while he even showed disinterest and fled from you?!
I know your fears
You’re afraid of losing him.
You’re afraid he will get cold feet.
You’re afraid he will forget about you (really? Are you that forgettable? If you think you are, you need to read prize catch singles guide)
You’re afraid all the other women will drown out his attention and he wont have time to think of you unless you draw attention to yourself and initiate contact, just to let him know you still exist. Wtf seriously? If he forgot you, forget him.
You fear hell never call back unless you do something. Wrong!
He willingness to call doesn’t depend on you, his willingness to call depends on his interest level in you which you will NEVER know unless you back off and allow him the space to express himself organically.
This natural course should never be tampered with due to your desperation or you’ll appear as low value and high maintainance, a complete turn off for a high value guy.
If you know women are swarming him and he is in no shortage of female attention then the ONLY way to stand out is by never initiating contact, NOT. EVER.
The other women are too busy chasing their insecurities and giving into their fear of losing him which will only invite what they fear.
Leave him be. Let him miss you, feel the pinch, feel your gap/space/absence. This alone speaks volumes without you saying a word, literally.
Your value will go up in his mind even if he doesn’t wish to be with you and he will have respect for you being a classy prize catch and at least your self respect, dignity and honor will be intact.
There is nothing more degrading or humiliating than chasing after ANYONE, man/ woman/ people in general. Be the one who is so full and so worthy and so brimming with the essence of life that people chase you, this is honorary, not the former. Work on yourself to become that ‘in demand’ person.
Your greatest asset is you, don’t sell yourself short because you could wait for him to initiate contact. Its bloody hard but oh so deliciously sweet and worth it when he contacts you and your agonizing patience pays off. Just be sweet and receptive yet cool when he does call.
You owe it to yourself.
Qudsiamall,
Great post! Hope everyone reads it and be better for it. I especially like “He willingness to call doesn’t depend on you, his willingness to call depends on his interest level in you which you will NEVER know unless you back off and allow him the space to express himself organically.” Spot on!
Thank you, One Truth. I’m glad to know I’m on track. It gets easier the more I practice!
You’re welcome, Charmaine. It does get easier!
Just need some quick advice:
How many texts, or days of texting before he needs to ask me on a date? My scenario: Met through a business transaction (he came to my home as a contractor). He texted me three weeks later asking if he left a tool behind (funny!). He got my phone number from his employer (very creative). We texted back and forth for a few hours (just small talk) on that first day. The next day a couple texts back and forth. On this second day he said he though I was pretty and nice. I think now is the time to stop responding and just see if he asks me out. But what if he asks me a direct question (not for a date)? Do I ignore him?
Charmaine,
The way I look at it so far is that he needed his tool back, so that is why he contacted you. And he ended up texting back and forth with you. No man is going to deny himself female attention, especially if he thinks she is pretty.
Since he did not ask you out when he had every chance to (you were friendly, engaging, and responding to his texts), you have to just let him go. So do something else instead of answering his texts. Give him one last short and quick text like, “Ok, I gotta run! Take care.”
If the idea of losing your interest for good does not trigger him to urgency, then nothing would.
A man today, whether he’s shy or scared, has every means (modern technology and all) to ask a friendly, attractive, responsive woman out and when he does NOT, you must absolutely believe he is not interested enough.
You don’t need a guy who is head over heels in love with you just to get a date. You just need him to be interested ENOUGH to ask you out.
I don’t understand this guy. We went on two dates already, it went okay, nothing special, but we kissed good night after the second. Since then, he is texting me every day for almost week now, but just short general messages like: Hi, hope you have a nice day!
What the hell? But there is no mention of a third date. What is the point of texting every day, asking what I did during the day, but never mentioning getting together again?? Is he waiting for me to step up? WHY?? Is this normal??
Hanna,
He might not be sure of how he feels about you. Or, he may be testing to see how you feel about him.
Why don’t you say, “I’d love to see you again.” Then see what he says. See if he asks you out. If he doesn’t, then you have your answer and you can move on.
However, you really should be meeting other guys and not counting on him to step up. You’re not his girlfriend so you’re both free to date others. Keep meeting new guys and dating other guys until one of them rises to the top.
I got the answer, he is dating/seeing other women as well. And we only see each other once a week. Is it a red flag? He seems like a decent guy though, but I think he might be able to get more communication and sex from these other women (because I only answer to his texts with very short replies), plus he’s taking it very slow with me, which is annoying, because I am not having sex with anyone in the meantime. Heaven and hell. And he might be the guy who falls in love during sex or by texts (so with a girl he has sex with first, or who he texts more)? Is there any guy like that?
(I didnt ask him if he’s dating other women, he made a mistake in one of his texts…)
Hanna,
Until he is your boyfriend, it doesn’t matter if he’s seeing other women. Right now, he is doing the right thing for himself by shopping around. You must do the same.
No guy falls in love during sex. Guys don’t need sex to do that, or they’d be falling for prostitutes all the time. All sex does, as I say in my EGuides, is offer men a way to release his sexual feelings for you. That may or may not have anything to do with love or even like. Some guys might prefer to have sex with a woman they are in love with, but all guys enjoy releasing sexual tension.
So instead of wondering about him, wonder about meeting more men.
How do you let a suitor know that you want dates instead of chatting back and forth online? I mean, he writes me, and asks me questions, but I cannot say that please don’t send me more messages and invite me out. I am trying to answer shortly and never return with more questions, but it still looks like he is okay with that. Why? I am taking my time before answering to texts, like 3-4 hours at least, but with a chat app he can see when I was last online and it would be impolite to wait so long to answer texts.
Hanna,
This is a common problem.
Step 1. Give him one last message, “Hey, it was nice knowing you. Just want to let you know that I decided to get back into the dating scene! So I won’t have time to chat online anymore with you. Wish you the best. Take care!” This lets him know you’re looking for a date and you don’t have time to waste.
Step 2. Ignore him after this message. Only respond if he asks you out on a date. He had an untold number of chances and he needs to grab this last one by the horns if he wants any piece of you.
If he still sends meaningless messages, you’ll have your answer. But do you really need another answer? What a guy does NOT do is just as important as what he does do. So the answer has been loudly proclaimed whenever he failed to ask you out.
If a guy is not trying to meet you IN PERSON after he chats with you, he is wasting your time and is not serious. So always think twice about continuously responding to a guy who doesn’t ask you out, because over a period of time you develop feelings for him and will find it hard to cut yourself loose and move on.
Until you free yourself from the bondage of endless chatting, there will be NO DATE, NO FUTURE.
Believe me when I say that if a guy is serious, he will want to meet you. No serious guy wants to waste his own time on silly messages! That’s why when men hear about women hanging in there with online chatting hoping for more, they laugh and wonder how women can’t figure out it’s going nowhere.
Remember, you aren’t interested in conversations for life. You want a serious suitor now.
Thanks One Truth for the insightful reply! 🙂 I’ll try to limit my texts for now, and see what happens if I just stop replying. I’ll then send him the farewell message.
Thanks!