be a challenge, dating, playing hard to get, the right one, the rules, why men should pursue women, women shouldn't chase men
Fall in love with how well he TREATS you
Too many women are mesmerized by a man’s appearance, body, personality, voice, touch, smell, style, talents, accomplishments, credentials, and resume. And potential.
You can’t help it. In fact, he’s a real catch or else you wouldn’t even bother thinking about him, right?
And as you think about him, you start pinning hopes on him. You start fantasizing about you and him as a couple out and about together, between the sheets, down the aisle, and having babies.
Meanwhile, he has yet to prove via ACTION he is feeling the same way about YOU.
So how did you get here?
You got here by focusing on WHO he is and WHAT he is instead of HOW he treats you. Somewhere along the way you developed a prototype of Prince Charming in your fantasy laboratory and honed in on any man that remotely resembles him.
When you see such a man, HE’s the one. Whoohoo!
Or, a guy starts talking to you and he doesn’t even fit the script. But because you REALLY REALLY want to be with a man and you’re tired of waiting, you find yourself falling for him anyway, putting on special lenses so he can morph into Prince Charming.
But is he THE ONE?
Only if he is treating you right, with actions that merit your attention and favorable response.
Because if Prince Charming does not step up and Joe Average does, guess which one is the guy you’re better off with?
A suitor is a man who PURSUES you. Not a Prince Charming who gallops away on a horse and requires you to trot after him.
Don’t allow your “type” to lead you to UNREQUITED LOVE.
Don’t fall for WHO he is. Fall for how well he TREATS YOU, because that is the only thing that you will end up caring about. Ever.
His hotness will barely register in your brain by the time he has caused you enough pain and misery. You will be complaining about how he never steps up or how he isn’t doing enough. You will be bitter and disappointed.
The deal breaker lies squarely in the way he TREATS you. So focus on that. Let your feelings develop because of that!
* * * * *
EGuides Testimonials Do All Men Pursue? But What If He’s… Reasons Why a Man Doesn’t Pursue False Indicators of a Man’s Interest How to Show Your Interest in a Man How to Act on a Date After the Date, Then What? How to Become His Girlfriend When & How to Reciprocate When to Let Him Go and Move On How to Get Him Back If You’ve Had Sex with Him What about Just Being Friends? Say No to Hanging Out After You Become His Girlfriend How to Be a Prize Catch Wife Online Dating Be a Prize Catch Single Prize Catch Dictionary
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Let Men Chase You 
If a guy is physically attracted to you
If he is curious about your life
If he is against your financial plan since he thinks you are going to lose money
If he is reading a difficult, deep yet spiritual book
If he is following your wise advise to exercise in order to deal with stress
Yet he is not making any moves
He is a director of your organization though you do not report to him.
He is overworked with kid to look after.
He has a good name with people who have been with him for 15 years,
Does that mean he is treating you well or not really? Should you wait for him?
Vivian,
Until a guy asks for you out on a date, he is not a suitor. You need a suitor so he can one day ask to become your boyfriend. A platonic friend can treat you well. There needs to be a line drawn between a suitor and everybody else under the sun. The date is the first step toward making the difference.
When I date a guy and feel zero chemistry I feel harassed even when he look at me in a sexual way. I feel guilty. He feels disappointed. You said that men can have sex with almost any woman regardless of chemistry. So it seems chemistry on the woman side is actually more important. Even if woman can do perfectly fine without sex, how would man feel in such a relationship?
Do you agree with my observation that some men are just relatively easy to handle (they show respect, are genuinely interested, want to treat you well – a.k.a. ‘betas’), and men who are hard to handle (crossing your boundaries to test you, flirting with other girls, getting 80% of the one-night stands, and treating women like shit – a.k.a. ‘alphas’)
Do you think that putting the extra effort into handling/dating an alpha (in terms of required self-discipline on the women’s part) would ever be worth in the long term and yield higher reward than just choosing an easy-to-handle beta?
I ask this, because I am really not sure whether dating an alpha could ever be worth it, irrespective of how good-looking/confident they may be and how interested they are, foreseeing the possible complications later in a marriage (infidelity, etc.).
These ‘alpha’ and ‘beta’ categories I created are based on their observed behaviour rather than their looks or status. — I believe there are some very handsome and successful betas out there, they are the real catch for any women!
But I was wondering whether just dating with an ‘alpha’ is a complete waste of time, or should there be higher rewards associated with the higher self-discipline that is required to catch and keep these men? Is it worth the risk?
Anne,
My view is what’s so special about alpha males that requires so much discipline and work to keep them? If a man is risky to date, he’s not worth the emotional investment — even if he’s handsome and successful. Of course it depends on the woman and her tolerance and willingness to earn her way to him, if those higher rewards (whatever those may be) are worth it.
The most important thing is that you feel cherished. Because that is what will make you happy or unhappy at the end — not his success or looks.
Anne,
I don’t think it matters what kind of men they are as in alpha or beta. It only matters how you respond and behave. A prize catch would just walk away from men who are hard to handle. Simple!
For a lot more detailed information specific to your situation, get your secret weapon in dating and relationships when you Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.
Hope to help you further!
One Truth,
Do you think that by following your guidelines and acting like a Prize Catch one can effectively filter out sociopaths and other dangerous people with antisocial personality disorder as well?
If not, would you mind please writing a post specifically on these dangers and what are the red flags we have to look for (or how to act to avoid them), or how to spot a men like this before it would be late?
I would really appreciate it, since I read that about 4% of population or 1 in 25 people are sociopaths, and even more are affected by serious narcissistic personalities, and heard too many stories of people becoming victims by these ‘inhuman’ people.
Thanks a lot! 🙂
I’ve heard narcissists tend to ‘treat’ their victims especially well, and they tend to reveal their true selves once the victim is involved enough.
So, I suppose that being a Prize Catch wouldn’t discourage or deter them (as it does with ‘players’) but rather make you an even more precious object in their eyes….
Anne,
Most definitely being a Prize Catch will weed out undesirables. Narcissists (who are self-centered and lack empathy) and sociopaths (who lack empathy but can mimic good behavior) are not able to penetrate the Triple Thick Shield that are explained in the EGuides.
Sociopaths may easily fool you in the beginning because they seem to say and do all the right things. However, they lack empathy, which means they cannot emotionally connect, so if you use your woman’s instinct and intuition, you will see they lack the ability to feel your feelings. Their eyes show coldness and detachment. That and their copycat good behavior will be a mismatch — a clue in itself.
Prize Catch behaviors require men to make effort over the long haul, and it will be hard for a man with mental or behavioral disorders to hide them or pretend he’s healthy. He will slip. With your observation, you will notice any disturbing tendencies.
Getting specific EGuides suited to your needs in the meantime will help you deepen your understanding of the issues you raised.
Hi The One – I’ve quite often found your advise very relatable and helpful. But my emphasis lies on the fact that all your advise seems to be focusing on men who are extraverts. Have you considered that Men who are Introverts almost never even attempt to initiate a move. But they find it more inviting and easier when a woman approaches them. They will dream and fantasize over the woman they are interested in but will not make the first move.
If that’s the case your advise is not the best way to go about it.
hi mark!
read the One’s article “But What If He’s…” 🙂
mark,
i can relate to you in a way coz i have encountered “introverted” guys whom u said almost never attempt to initiate a move. and i mistakenly help them to date me, i just learned it here in this blog it was a mistake in my part.. 🙂 but its too late. he became my present bf now. hheehe. now im afraid a bit if he’s gonna realize one day that im not his type of girl coz our start is really not in line with “what should be ideally”, and coz i initiated in the first place and i have this feeling before that as a girl that it should not be and that it is not right, and it is not our (women) role to initiate ever (which is also in line with the One’s! for me my gut feeling must be right, ) no matter how introverted the guy is. anyways , for me id like the guy to really do the first move coz this would make us sure and have no doubt that he is really interested! like seriously. 🙂 we will not consider a guy a suitor out of pity(?) etc., because he is incapable of making a move so therefore we should “help him”.. how should we know if he’s just introverted or if he’s interested? should he leave it to us to guess which is really which? hmm.. so we’ll leave that job to the man coz its gonna waste our time though, waiting? and guessing?. hehehe.
anyways, the One suggested some ways how you can show interest to a girl. 🙂 and its nice, we girls in my opinion would love the One’s ways. 🙂 really. hehhe i think if the one is a guy and giving to us girls all this advices and help, we would aesilly fall for him. hahah! in my opinion.. heheh . 🙂 🙂 🙂
Mark,
Pursuing a woman means asking her out on dates. This has nothing to do with introverts or extroverts. In the 1950’s all men chased women. That was the only way to get a woman to notice him. Not all men were extroverts at the time.
It’s only today that so many excuses are being made.
A man who doesn’t chase might indeed be a passive dreamer. Some men might need a bit of a nudge, but it’s the woman’s risk to take. If it works out for her, great! I only advise what is emotionally safe, not risky. There is no advice out there that can guarantee a man in her life.
mao jud ai.. just the right words!:D
C’mon guys, how hard is it? When you like someone, ask her out on a date! And girls, how lame is to go though all this drama, when it’s all so simple: he likes you = he’ll take you out on dates and want to be with you no matter what. Anything short of that is pathetic…please have some self respect.
kim, this sounds really familar
Hi The One! I love your blog by the way, thanks for the great content. Do you have advice on a guy who’s being hot and cold? One moment he’s texting me asking about my day, sending funny jokes/pictures, saying he wants to see me, next day there’s hardly a text from him. What gives? Am I being strung along? I know its the holidays and we’re both busy and live 50 mins from each other but still we haven’t seen each other in 2 weeks yet he says he wants to see me? Oh and he’s hinted that he’s gotten me something for Christmas. We’ve been talking for 1 month, and I feel like I should say something, but I don’t know how to broach the topic about how I feel. I don’t want to have such a serious talk and push him away, so I’ve kept my texting initiation to a minimum but its bothering me that we don’t communicate daily like we used to. Is he testing my eagerness for him? Do guys even do that? HELP please. Thanks!
Bella,
Thanks for reading my blog!
Texts are no replacement for dates. Texts are crumbs in the universe of dating, at least for the Prize Catch who knows her worth. Why should you be the one to broach the subject when he is the man who needs to pursue you? Let me explain how it all works!
Please Get In-Depth Advice or Order EGuides Today.
Hope to help you soon!
The One, you’re blog is amazing! I love your advice it makes me feel so much more secure in my dating path, especially when my own family (!) and friends are constantly convincing me to be the pursuer (as a woman)! It’s so frustrating because I know that’s NOT what I want. Especially since I’ve had enough experience as a pursuer to teach me it doesn’t work…most young women like myself are told to think it’s harmless, and even dishonest to play the “prized” catch, but you’re right, it’s the only way to really know what kind of man they are..?? And if they’re sincere or what have you…
OK, I have a quick question for you. A guy I used to date, for a long time, who has a lot of serious problems in his life, became my love interest for years, we were very passionate about each other. And of course, we were having sex. I was obsessed and I admit, still can be on some days. 😦 He vanished ten months ago, and started sending me emails back in September. The emails were meaningless. One was empty, another simply said Hi, and the last one he sent 2 weeks ago asked me to come meet him so we can talk about our relationship in the new city where he now lives. That’s 1 hour away from where I live now. So there is NO way in hell I would ever do that (it sounds like a booty call to be honest, or he’s lonely). Especially after what he’s put me through, I’m shocked at how he can just ask me to come meet him? It’s like he just got so used to me taking care of him emotionally that he literally doesn’t even for a second consider me.
So my question is this: do I just keep ignoring his emails or should I respond back to the last one simply stating that I’m not interested and that I wish him the best of luck. I’m torn between wanting to be a mature woman that can communicate the end of her relationships unapologetically while still expressing my care for him. And the other side of me, just doesn’t want to care or think about him anymore, doesn’t want him distracting me like he used to and yes, I might even want him to feel a little pain (even though that’s hard for me to admit, lol)
What do I do? Write him back a VERY short email? Ignore him?
Thank you so much for all your free advice! Your encouragement is priceless and I’ve just subscribed!!!!! xoxoxo
p.s. And do you recommend keeping old emails and chats? I have tons! I don’t normally read through them or anything. But I’m very aware they exist in my email. And advice for us on that?
p.s. i do love him and think about us fondly. he’s a good man (with problems) and I would have been honored to have been with him…but i never knew how to act like a prize..though he did try to chase me many times…
Nadia,
Thanks for waiting for my reply. First of all, you need to notice RED FLAGS. The first one is that he has a lot of serious problems. That should force you to sit up and take notice as soon as you find that out. Because a suitor with serious problems cannot possibly give you a relationship that you deserve.
So everything else he did makes sense, such as expecting you to do the legwork to meet him instead of inviting you out on a date. If you want to be a caretaker, find a husband and bear his children. Then you can raise a family and do the nurturing you’re good at doing.
But don’t mother a grown man. It just won’t work. There’s a lot more I want to say about your situation, and would love to hear more from you as well if you wish to get more analysis and feedback.
Please Get In-Depth Advice or Order EGuides Today.
Hope to help you soon!
Dear The One,
I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while, I find it helpful and what you are saying confirms my gut feelings, and advice I remember my Mom gave me over the years ( which I promptly discarded at the time, of course).
I hope you continue to write articles here and give free advice. I understand the value of customized, private counseling that you are promoting lately. However, I feel that you can keep many of us interested in following this blog by sharing for free some of your spot-on thoughts.
In the end, I believe that many women can figure out on a “mind” level what went wrong with a guy, but for many of us, that hardest part is dealing with the sad feelings that accompany a breakup / houdini vanishing act / etc. At the end of the day, we are all alone with our thoughts….the pain is there. I have yet to find a way to cope. The best way is to have another suitor , but that’s not always happening. Oh well..
Thanks and please continue to inspire us with your down to earth, no BS advice.
Dear Andreea,
Thanks very much for posting your thoughts. I appreciate you’ve been reading my blog! I definitely will keep writing new posts and offering free advice.
I just tend to get very wordy and always want to make sure I am clear in everything I say, which takes up so much time and people end up waiting for too long. It’s also been a bit overwhelming for me to offer full, complete, and lengthy advice, which I think is still valuable, to each person who posts. Therefore, I have recently been replying with a shorter version or intro, and people can then decide for themselves if they need something more detailed or elaborate which a private Email Exchange or IM would offer.
You’re absolutely right about being all alone with your thoughts with the pain caused by men’s vanishing act. These are some lonesome times! But glad I can offer a source of guidance and solace.
Thanks for your input!
The One,
How do you respond when a man you’ve been seeing for 5 months breaks up with you via email?
Do you respond & try to resolve the issue or do you ignore and move on? Does a break up via email not even deserve a response?
The reason he stated in the email was that he was too busy and probably shouldn’t have started dating me.
A couple days ago I had mentioned to him that I wished we could see each other more often … it’s about once every two weeks because we live about an hour apart. While everything seemed great between us and he took me out on real dates, I was a little concerned because I didn’t hear from him between dates and the only time I heard from him was when he wanted to take me out – i.e. when he wanted to have sex. Complete email/phone silence between dates seemed a little odd for two people in an exclusive relationship for 5 months (he’s busy with work, so I’m pretty sure he was indeed keeping his word about being exclusive).
Was I correct in reading this situation (he was in it just for sex and not for getting to know me) and is it better to not respond, stay silent, and simply move on? i.e. if he really wanted me, he’d have had a conversation about our schedules and expectations before taking the step of surprising me with a break-up. So I shouldn’t respond because the way he handled it suggests he doesn’t want me all that much?
Or should I respond with a ‘let’s try to work out our expectations so we can still see each other’ …. thought that feels like it makes me look weak. I cannot bring myself to pursue a man. did that once, married him, and suffered for years and years til I divorced. won’t do it again.
Totally taken by surprise by this because he was the one who approached me initially, pursued me vigorously, initiated all dates, always paid, I reciprocated with home-cooked meals here and there.
I did like this fellow a lot, no drama in the relationship, very compatible on all levels, all feelings seemed mutual. Very taken by surprise at his pulling away so drastically.
Dear Surprise,
Thank you for posting, and for waiting patiently for my response.
It must feel really bewildering and hurtful to get that email from him! He should have done it in person. That would have required courage and manhood from him. If it gives you closure to respond, go ahead. But it must be a “nice to know you and good-bye” type email, because frankly, he doesn’t deserve to know you want him more than he wants you!
You say things felt mutual. Well, something else was going on that occurred that you might have missed, including signs and other indicators which I can explain to you in a private Email Exchange. I can also tell you what you did right and what you didn’t do right, which will assist you down the road when you start dating someone else.
What you learn from this will alter the course of future events and help you avoid grief. So allow me to point all that out for you!
For a lot more info, I urge you to Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.
Hope to assist you!
Hello, Corey. Have you read through all the posts on this blog?
In my humble opinion, your ‘princess’ mentality that you mentioned (the link) is not the ‘princess’ mentality that The One mentioned on this blog.
Please read properly and you will know the princess mentality here is what today’s women have long forgotten. And as a result, (we women) making (actually ‘ask’) the men (to) become lazy, passive, getting the roof on their head by way of taking the women for granted (treat them poorly).
So, the princess mentality that The One mentioned is a must-have mentality among women. Otherwise, if you choose of prefer to eat crumbs.
You may want to play the role as a woman (if you are a woman) and play the role as a man (if you’re a man). If you go against this nature, be prepared to slowly ‘die’ inside and outside (yourself).
Cheers!
Thank you, The One! Another great post, and it came at just the right time.
Harmony,
You’re very welcome! I’m offering private Email Exchange at $12 if you ever need in-depth advice!
I have some questions…
1) how do you turn a guy down?
if a guy asks you out or makes clear that he is interested in you, but i’m not, how do i say that ?!
2) how do you do that when you’ve known him / he’s a friend of yours… how do you get out of the situation without being rude or hurting him or whatever….
3) you say you shouldn’t just “casually text” with guys, but always wait a long time until you reply.. what do you say if they ask you why it took you so long to respond.. “i’m busy” sounds somewhat arrogant, i guess….
4) is it possible to get a “new reputation”? in the last couple of months i’ve made out with some guys from my uni, while other people from uni were around. we just made out in the club, nothing more. but i’m worried that i now have the reputation as kind of a slut or easy to get or sth…. can i get rid of that reputation or is it impossible? and how do i do it? is it really possible to “erase” the imagine of me in other people’s heads?
Dear AnaBanana,
Thanks for posting! Those are important questions and I can show you how to do it with grace, finesse, and humor.
For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.
Hope to assist you!
The One
I really needed to hear this today. I have fallen very hard for a man who i have only known long-distance. He knows how i feel, yet has not reciprocated as strongly, nor stepped up to actually make a face-to-face visit happen. He has all the excuses in the world. After trying to end it, i have gone back to him many times, because of WHO and WHAT he is, rather than HOW he treats me. I often feel ashamed of the way he treats me, given my feelings are so strong, and i know i am accepting so little in return.
I told him today that i have accepted he doesn’t want the same as me, and may like me but will never love me. I asked for him to say so if i was wrong, otherwise i would assume it to be true. He didn’t respond, so i asked for him not to contact me again unless he had something of note to say. At this point he immediately texted back saying that he hadn’t responded because he was with his family and his phone had been off. But you have no doubt realised (as i did), that he still hadn’t responded to my query about his feelings or intentions.
I feel so stupid and hurt. And i feel angry at him and myself.
Hang in there. You’re not the understudy, you’re the prima donna! Make a clean break, you will be ok:)
Thanks The One, great article. So far following your advice about remembering that I am a prize has saved me from a lot of heartache. The one issue that I struggle with is how to politely turn down men who I believe are too young for me. By young I mean at least 10 years younger. Recently at work after a brief conversation about the weather a delivery guy asked me for my number and I was at a lost for words because it caught me off guard. My guess is that he was in his mid to late twenties and when he realized that I wasn’t interested it was very awkward. Do you think I am being too picky? Or should I stick to my standards. My coworker said I should have given him my number. So, how do you suggest I handle these situations? Thanks in advance for your help.
M.A.R.,
You’re welcome! Nothing wrong with being flattered by a younger man (as long as he was of legal age!). You should have smiled and told him, “Wow, but you’re so much younger than me!” And if he insisted, give him the number.
Nothing wrong with going out just to enjoy yourself. A date doesn’t mean you want him as a boyfriend. You’re just going out. And you don’t have to go out with him again if you don’t want to.
Of course, if he’s too young for you, he is too young. Know what you like and don’t like, and don’t worry about the rest.
A prize catch is relaxed, breezy, and if she’s caught off guard, she laughs it off and uses her sense of humor. Stay lighthearted!
For a lot more info, Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange.
Others have gotten a lot out of it, maybe you can too. If you ever need this, let me know!
Your message couldn’t be more perfectly on time for my life. I’m 32 and Single with the holidays approaching. Dun dun dunnnnnnn. Jokes aside it’s difficult. I’ve been applying your words and basically men disappear cuz they weren’t really interested in the first place. I AM glad I find out without heartache.
Vero,
Glad for you! Thanks for reading. Feel free to Order EGuides Today, or Get Personalized Advice via confidential Email Exchange. Take care.
Hi. Just felt so worn out after a busy day and I visited your blog again. And so happy to find that you have a new post! A great post indeed.
I think I’m in the the same opinion with you and the above poster, kishmisherie which is yes I need the man who treats me well and also I need to have the same feelings for him. But then again, maybe we should analyse why we should think twice with the men who treat us well (because women these days easily fall for the bad boy/guy?).
It is extremely important not to cloud our ‘judgement’ about men that we want only by his looks and whatever else. It is extremely important to always stay clear that their behaviour towards us is always been the number one thing for us to qualify them to be on our minds, worth talking about.
Is it just human nature that women always get infatuated, fascinated by the superficial characteristics of a man but then often disregard all the way the way he treats you? Be the prize, only respond only to the guy who step up. Sweet!
NinaNina (formerly known as just ‘Nina’)
Nina,
Great advice! “It is extremely important not to cloud our ‘judgement’ about men that we want only by his looks and whatever else. It is extremely important to always stay clear that their behaviour towards us is always been the number one thing for us to qualify them to be on our minds, worth talking about.”
I agree with you here. Women don’t have a problem with dating men who aren’t attractive. Women have more of a problem with tolerating bad treatment from men they ARE attracted to.
“Is it just human nature that women always get infatuated, fascinated by the superficial characteristics of a man but then often disregard all the way the way he treats you?”
Seems like a common problem. Oh, he was so good-looking, so interesting, so fun, so this and that…meanwhile, why hasn’t he called her?
you are right The One! I wrote a similar post on my blog about observing a man with curiosity in dating rather than rushing into love and building castles in the air. However, I believe that it is not just about HOW a man treats you. WHO and WHAT he is also matter to an extent but that is not everything. A guy may treat a woman like a princess and keep her happy but if she doesn’t find him hot/attractive, or he doesn’t have an education and that IS one of her requirements (nothing superficial about wanting an educated man), or he is not a good person in general then he is not the right one for her. Consider this scenario–a man may want to marry a rich girl especially because her parents are well connected and can further his career. Therefore he may treat her like a princess and keep her happy, be a perfect suitor but he is not the right man for her just because he is treating her nicely. He has ulterior motives and is mainly marrying her for her money not love. He may not even stay faithful once his career is on track and could actually gain a lot of money from divorce. Therefore WHO he is as a person as well as his credentials DO matter…but only to an extent. To determine if someone is The One, one has to look at all three things
1) WHO he is–his nature, his character, how he behaves with everyone–not just you.(EXTREMELY IMPORTANT).
2) WHAT he is–his status, position, money, job, interests, resume (LEAST IMPORTANT)
3) HOW he treats you (MOST IMPORTANT)
Unless ALL this are met–he is not The One. All three are important. HOW he treats you is the MOST important but the other two matter too.
Personally, as a woman, I could never marry a man who just treated me well. I cannot fall in love with someone simply because he treats me well. I need to admire and respect him too for himself.
Otherwise I feel like I am settling. That I would have preferred another man whom I actually admired but because he didn’t reciprocate, I settled for the one who treated me well doesn’t sound like the love story I want.
What do you say?
Kishmishere
Thank you for your post. It was a wonderful bonus today to receive both yours and the Ones.
I agree with your comments. Although none of us wants to settle, I actually read the Ones post to relate to why we fall for a person and question what we find interesting or attractive. Not so much to settle but to reevaluate what makes a person attractive. I know as I have gotten older, looks fall to the bottom of the list whereas younger days dating a handsome man was the envy of many. I will admit now,I am interested in accomplishments, probably more so than is healthy for me. I need to work on this and why I find this attractive and not the nice accountant who keeps bugging me. I do wonder if part of us, like men, enjoy the chase and what we cannot have.
Thank you The One and Kishmishmere for the interesting and helpful read!
You might be right about the chase thing…
Lots of women love challenges too. I believe men and women share traits and there is nothing wrong with that. However, a woman who chases and enjoys challenges will find dating bewildering and frustrating.
At the end, whatever you focus on is fine as long as it is accompanied by being treated well by him!
Kish,
Thanks for reading and contributing your opinion! I have to agree with you on your ranking of the three. Your example of the man with the ulterior motive is a good one. When I said WHO he is, I was meaning that more as WHAT he is (status, position, money, etc). I should have clarified.
If WHO he is about moral character, that definitely influences HOW HE TREATS YOU. So if he’s a chronic liar and treats you well, eventually you’ll find out and everything will blow up in your face. Therefore, in this regard, WHO he is is equally important.
In addition, there is a small percentage of the general population who, unfortunately, are sociopaths (not necessarily killers, but just people without the capacity to empathize). These people are very good at mimicking good behavior, kindness, generosity, and doing good acts. Thus, it is important for you to make sure WHO HE IS matches HOW HE TREATS YOU.
Something usually gives one way or another. Something slips.
You said, “Personally, as a woman, I could never marry a man who just treated me well. I cannot fall in love with someone simply because he treats me well. I need to admire and respect him too for himself. Otherwise I feel like I am settling. That I would have preferred another man whom I actually admired but because he didn’t reciprocate, I settled for the one who treated me well doesn’t sound like the love story I want.”
Well, good for you — you shouldn’t settle if you know what you want and know for sure anything less would NOT do. Respecting and admiring your man is very important. Without that, I don’t see how a relationship can work!
However, there are women who decide they want to be in a relationship badly enough where as long as they are being treated well, everything else is less of a priority. So they forgo their desire for a more attractive man. They forgo the fact that he isn’t a good lover, etc. Perhaps being in a relationship is more important than being satisfied in certain areas.
Then there are those women who tolerate being treated badly because the man is terribly attractive, a great lover, or wealthy. There are all sorts of combinations and I believe that being treated badly should be the deal breaker!
agree! glad to know we are on the same page:)